Dear You

I know that you dread going home every single day because of all the chaos that is going on. It may not seem so bad on the surface but I know that deep down, you're tormented by the things he did since the day your mom was married to him.  I don't think there is anyone else that has gone through so much as you have. All the trauma that you've been keeping deep deep down in you.

I also know how left out you are at home. When you're good in your studies, you get labeled as an educated fool just because you're not as equipped as the rest of them at home. We all have different interests, and they should know that what they enjoy doing, may not necessarily be your niche. You are good at what you do,so never let anyone tell you that you are not.

I know that you have tried taking your life numerous of times just because you hate yourself. But how can someone hate you when you're doing so well in life? No one may understand the pain that you are going through because you hide it really well, but I can see through it all. How many times have you tries killing yourself? Since you were 10. You are a strong person, that's why you're still here, still alive. Because you deserve more out of life, and by being alive, you get to change your own path, something that you've always wanted to do, to get away from the jinxed family tree that your parents laid down for you.

Not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not quick enough, not street smart, you're so fat, you're ugly, you're huge, you're like Godzilla, you're always so stiff, you're so stuck up, stop dreaming about your life, you aren't as good as your sibling, you're just like that aunt that everyone else hates, stop being a perfectionist, stop being so picky, are you even a girl?, sometimes I wish you weren't my daughter, why are you so dumb, I hate you.

Remember how you repeated every single hate you and others had on you? Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you. But I guess it's no use telling you this, because what you've gone through is repeating over and over again, so much that you've already forgotten how its like to be loved. Maybe that's why you're always putting up a strong front, because you don't trust anyone anymore, and you want the world to know that you're a strong willed person, and that you're not easily knocked down. Maybe that's why you're still here. But just remember that while you're so busy proving to the world what you can do, you need to find love. Feel it, enjoy it, cherish it. 

You don't deserve to go through all this. So please keep holding on. I love you, so don't give up.

Taken from my post in facebook

"    I used to think that change was only possible if I were Miss World, or something along the line. However, I realized that change is possible, and it starts with me. 

     I know that most of you are wondering “what change?”, “who are these people tagged?”, and “why I am even tagged?” Well, you guys all fall under different categories; people who I respect a lot, people who I love dearly, people whom I have lost touch with, and/or people whom I thought I would never hold another conversation with, in this life time. Obviously there is no specific category for everyone, because amidst you guys are some people whom I have not talked to in years, people whom I have never had a disagreement with, and people whom I have never even had a conversation with at all. However, all of you guys are tagged only for reason, and that is, that I am starting on a project and I wish to involve all of you.

     No, don’t worry. It’s not an assessed school assignment, but rather, a personal project. Many of us are often dissatisfied with our lives. I know I am, and thus, I decided to come up with this project. Let’s just put it as a life-changing project involving you and I.   

     Most of you may not know me well enough, but I am, or rather, I was someone whom used to hate the world, the people, and was always out to prove my worth. However, overtime I realized that life is so much more than worrying about the trends in fashion, the hate for others, and even revenge. Because I realized that while I was so caught up with myself, I tend to forget about the people who were there from the start; the people who did not judge or question, the people who trusted me, cared, and supported me. I was oblivious. In fact, I was worse than that. I had a mind of an exaggerated soldier. I hid among the barracks, armed with a machine gun. I not only isolated myself, but pushed everyone away from me, and would shoot at anyone whom I felt was out to hurt me. However, I realized that I was always too quick to jump the gun, hurting the innocent (I know that might sound rather severe, but I couldn’t really think of anything else to better describe what I was going through, so better to have it exaggerated huh :D). That is why I would like to take this opportunity to apologize.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that we got off on a wrong foot. I’m sorry for not be there for you. I’m sorry for not listening. I’m sorry that I was always caught up in trying to prove my worth, that I neglected you. I’m sorry that I am always so caught up with what other people are saying about us. Most importantly, I’m sorry for not holding onto what we had, be it friendship, a bond, a connection. 

That is why I’d like to start over. No more hiding, no more fears, no more aggression, just me, and I hope you’d forgive me and start over too.

Hi, my name is Kethlyn, and I’d like to get to know you all over again.

Yeu Ha Noi

Another long overdued post. This was supposed to be done up in October as well.




Oh well..




Well, I was supposed to be all excited, exclaiming that I came back to Singapore in one piece, but I realized that it is too late to be that enthusiastic given that I have been back in Singapore for two months already.


However, the trip was not as amazing as I thought it would be, but I guess we could not expect much, given that it was supposed to be a study trip. Nevertheless, it was an enriching experience and I am glad, I got to meet so many adorable children and hardworking teachers, got to know the culture better, and definitely have a better appreciation for education.

While I may not be that secretive about my displeasure, the details are only for me, and me only. So, this will be a short post!

I am still not done collating my reflections for the trip (which are all in scrap paper), so I'd like to end this post with a song/video of children singing in Vietnamese, about how much they loved Hanoi. Enjoy!

You can view more of the photos that I took during the trip here!

Till then.

TCP Camp

This post is long overdue. In fact, it was supposed to be posted on the 20th of October, but look how time flies!

Anyways, on to the more important part, this post is about the Leadership Empowerment camp organized by ROHEI, but held for students who are in The Christieara Programme ( or TCP for short) in Ngee Ann polytechnic.

I would not want to reveal how I managed to get into the programme, but I'd just like to say that if you are in Ngee Ann Polytechnic, but are am not in TCP, then you jolly well should find out more to join in! It is definitely a great platform for you to gain loads of experiences and opportunities to grow and shine!

Now, on to the camp! At the start of the camp, all of us found out that we were sorted into different countries. I belonged to Japan, with fantastic groupmates and a mentor who is showing off her biceps (below)

Initially, I thought that the camp was going to be a really boring one, given that I did not know anyone, and I thought we'd have worksheets to complete, and non-stop lectures by the educators, but boy was I in for a surprize!

The 3D2N event was definitely tonnes of fun, with activities such as the paper bag game, lunch unlimited, cross the moat, and tonnes of sharing sessions were conducted. 

*You can scroll all the way to the end of the post to learn more about the activities that were conducted.

However, what I found really interesting about this organization ROHEI that conducted the camp, was of how open minded they were. Sharing sessions simply involved them sitting down in the lounge with us, with a microphone, and just pouring out the many years of fear, hardship, trauma and sacrifice. Mentors like Nick and Calvin really won me over when they shared about how much they struggled when they were young, and how much faith they had in themselves to continue living. The stories shared by all of them were definitely tear-jerking and made me reflect on my own life, and how little I was putting in to make it better for myself and the people around me.

Apart from that, what I really enjoyed most from this camp was the award ceremony and the little skit that they had done up for us on the last day. Campers Ernest, Calissa and Kris definitely deserved the awards for their selflessness, and remarkable personality, heart and everything else that was positive. 

On a whole, the camp really brought out the best in everyone, and made us deeper thinkers, of who we are and who we want to be.  The activities not only made us work stronger as a team, but it opened up our minds and hearts to other people. It was definitely an emotional roller-coaster for me, but I am glad that I came out to be a much better person than I was before the camp.

On to the games!

Paper bag game

This activity is actually taken from a real-life situation. Each country was considered as a family, and we were migrating to India to start anew. However, with no money, and no lodging, we had to resort to selling paper bags to earn a living.

So the entire activity was pretty much like a simulation, whereby there was a loan shark who would loan us money to buy glue, scissors and newspapers, corrupted officials from the government who would catch us illegal immigrants every time they went for a patrol and would only release them if we bribed them, rent collectors who visited us at intervals, and the shops that gives us money only when our paper bags are of approved quality. 

This activity was the most frustrating of them all because not only were our members imprisoned, but the officials always confiscated our items, leaving us with so desperate that my team had to steal other group's papers, and even formed an alliance with some so salvage whatever that we had. Even though all the groups did horribly, we all managed to learn a couple or two important stuff from this activity. 

Lunch unlimited

All of us were told to draw lots from a mystery box, which had either the letter A, B, or C. I got the letter C, and to be honest, I thought that it was going to be like some sort of Fear factor series. Fortunately, it was not. The three letters were of the three different social statuses, the rich, the average and the poor, and I happened to be in the group that was poor! So while the rich had fine dining, and the average ate out of Bento boxes, the poor people ate bread, on the floor. However, halfway through lunch, people from the other two social statuses started coming over to offer us food, and all of us poor people were actually shockec/surprised/touched! From what seemed like a pathetic meal, all of us were really glad that we were not forgotten and people actually sacrificed their meals for us. An emotional experience indeed. 

Cross the moat

Cross the moat was another frustrating activity because we had to repeat the task over and over again. We were supposed to move from the start to the the end of the river by following the numbers. Sounds simple? Here comes the tricky bit, each number had to have at least one feet, and maximum two feet on it at all times, and we had to move as a team. However, the toughest bit was that the numbers were all jumbled up and we had to really rely on everyone's strength and support to complete the task together., and we had to do this all in silence!  What I learned from this activity was that repetition sometimes enables one to learn from one's mistakes, and to also ignore snide and criticisms and just focus on our task, and not be distracted and too quick to give up. 

Another activity was done using pebbles. Before that, we were tasked to work as a team in a treasure hunt, and from that activity, we were taught about synergy, and how important teamwork is. The example that was used was chopsticks; of how brittle they were as one, but strong and sturdy when a bundle of them were held together. The pebble was then used to signify us. We were told to reflect on ourselves, of how good we really were, and how far we had travelled, and we used the pebbles to store all the untruth, burdens, and things that were hindering us and when we were told to let go of the pebbles, we had to literally let go of all the troubles that we had in us as well.

The skit

This skit was special because all the mentors were involved. They were a bunch of people who wanted to travel overseas but each time they stepped through, the guards would stop them. Even though they tries their hardest to find solutions, they gave up eventually. They couldn't help but deem themselves as failures, cowards, useless, hopeless, and unwanted. Out of the blue, someone came along and provided them with comfort and reassurance, and with a new boost of confidence, they all started believing in themselves again, and managed to pass through the guards.

It might not sound as touching as it actually is, so you've got to see it to actually believe and feel it.

Lastly, during our last sharing session, one of the campers shared something really meaningful. He said something like "when we are proud, we bring our wall up against people, but if we bend over to help, we form a bridge. So why can't form a bridge and help each other cross over together".

I am not exaggerating when I say that this camp is life changing. It really is. I do hope that many other youths would get to experience this and enjoy it as much as I have.

To end this post, here is a quotation:

Being vulnerable doesn't have to be threatening. Just have the courage to be sincere, open and honest. This opens the door to deeper communication all around. It creates self-empowerment and the kind of connections with others we all want in life. Speaking from the heart frees us from the secrets that burden us. These secrets are what make us sick or fearful. Speaking truth helps you get clarity on your real heart directives.-- Sara Paddison

Till then

Friendships

Friendships. 

I don't know whether it is a form of punishment (maybe I was Cruella De Vil in my previous life) but I always seem to be landing on the wrong spot when it comes to friendship.

Not too long ago, I met up with one of my good friends and while we were sharing with each other about all the nasty experiences we had,with some people, something struck us.

It suddenly dawned upon us that all the people that we were comfortable with, and were trying to avoid, had characteristics that were so similar to each other, that we were almost sure they were clones.

So why do I keep finding these clones even though I already know of their characteristics? It's like finding the needle in the haystack over and over again, even though I do not want to find it. Apart from these clones however, there are still loads more friendship issues that I am facing and to be honest, I just want everything to stop.

I used to be, and am still envious of all the people around me who can simply enjoy a good meal with their friends. I on the other hand, seem to always have complicated situations with people. One such friendship has turned so bad, that we're not even talking to each other. But the problem is that there wasn't any fault or issue to begin with. How complicated can friendships be? And it always has to end in such an awkward manner where I am at fault, being I am mean, scary, and manly.

I wish I had a twin whom I could confide to.

A prayer from a friend

Whenever I meet someone 'new' in camps or programmes, I would often stop to ponder to myself, "Would I keep in contact with this person after this event?"

Unfortunately, most, if not all of the 'new' people that I have met , would become nothing than  Facebook friends. Which means to say, that other than the mere act of 'liking' each others posts, or commenting every once in awhile on each others status, the relationship or rather, friendship, is stagnant. 

However, this time round, one such person decided to make a difference in my life. I'd love to call her a friend, but she is more than that. She is a mentor, a confidant, a role model, and a person who provides meaningful advice.

She is actually my group's mentor during the TCP camp, and I am indeed thankful that we did meet up even after the camp, because all her advice has definitely created a great in my life. She also lifted a couple of burden off my shoulder because it was through her that I realized, that all I needed was a listening ear in order to relief myself from whatever that I was keeping deep deep down inside of me. Instead of just giving me a listening ear, she gave me more than that.




She not only gave me sound advice, but prayed for me, to have strength in continuing my journey, to be one of the pillar of support to my mum, to be able to find good and true friends, and to be able to find and put to good use, the burning passion that I keep in me.


I am indeed very grateful, and no words can describe how touched I am. I hope all the good love that you have given to everyone, returns to you tenfold. I hope you continue to touch the many lives of others.

Spirit Day

Spirit day.

The date was marked on my calendar. I had been waiting for this event for a while now. And finally, when the clock stroke twelve, the mission began. A mission so great, that it could probably create a revolution.

What exactly am I talking about? Well, it is none other than Spirit Day.

I had spent the last few hours asking people if they knew what Spirit Day was about, or if they knew why 20th October was such a significant day. To my horror, no one knew what Spirit Day was, and the only significant thing about today, to them, was that it was 20102010. 

However, after I explained to them what Spirit Day is about, many of them were apologetic and sang praise of the people supporting this cause (but why didn't they join the cause too? I should've asked.).

Well, if you (the reader) have no clue as to what Spirit Day is, click here and here to read about it.

In short, 20th October, a.k.a Spirit Day is an unofficial 'holiday' to honor the six boys (below) and many others who gave up their lives to homophobic abuse. Being victimized and having to go through the torment, pain and suffering in school, at home and everywhere else is traumatizing. It is cruel to let these innocent people be judged and trampled on, because they are of the minority.

 

* Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh (top)

* Justin Aaberg, Raymond Chase (middle)

* Asher Brown, Billy Lucas. (bottom)

So to honor them, people from various walks of life are coming together to support them by putting on purple. Out of all the colours, purple was chosen to honor them because it represents 'Spirit' in the Rainbow flag that was created by Gilbert Baker.  

 

The rainbow flag was first created in 1978, with eight coloured stripes, but by 2008, the design was changed several times due to the availability of the fabrics. Nonetheless, the meanings of the various colours on the initial designs are:

hot pink: sexuality

red: life

orange: healing

yellow: sunlight

green: nature

turquoise: magic/art

indigo/blue: serenity/harmony

violet: spirit

Let's put an end to all the hate. Afterall, we bleed red.

 

Do you? 

Click here to find out more about how you can help to make a change.

Pokerface

The past few days has been... Unsettling, disappointing, nerve-wrecking, gut-spewing, teeth-clenching, and all the other extreme emotions jumbled up together.

There isn't just one reason as to why I'm feeling this way. In fact, there is more than one reason. However, most, if not all of the reasons evolve around the people that I have been with lately.


I do not really know how to put this gently, but its upsetting to see how some people ignore other people's feelings just for the sake of accomplish. I know I'm no Mohandas Ghandi, but I think everyone deserves a second chance, especially when they're sincere about helping out.

I mean, one should not judge another person's capabilities just by the grades they're getting right? It's just not fair that way, because you never know what he/she is good at.

But what's upsetting was not the way they were judged, by the way the rest reacted when they volunteered to help out, to LIGHTEN OUR load.

The look on everyone's face left me speechless, and I for once, did not know what to say. And you know what's the worst part? It's that those who were judged were actually the first to notice the change in reaction. Do you know how hurt they were? Couldn't everyone at the very least try to put on a poker face?

I shan't go on about this, because if I do, I'd simply be creating a battlefield in my head.

Pet Peeves

You know what bugs me the most? 


People who ask for treats. As in, people who ask others to treat them out to lunch, dinner, or to even get others to buy things for them as a treat.




Definition from Dictionary.com:

to provide food, entertainment, gifts, etc., at one's own expense: Let me treat you to dinner.

 

I always thought that a treat was only counted if the person treating brings it up, and not the person being treated. However, it has become so common these days, for those being treated to ask to be treated.

I know it sounds confusing with a whole bunch of treat here and there. But I just want to say that, asking someone else to treat you just shows how low-mannered you are. After all, treats should be sincere, and as a gift, not because you asked for it. 

It's almost disgusting to see how the future generations are slowly losing their respect for others and manners. 

People who use FML on the littlest things

Do you know what FML means? I bet you do. If you don't, you're either a really ancient person, or you live in Mars. FML is an acronym which stands for "Fuck My Life". Ever since Fmylife came into the cyberworld, people have been drawn to it like Mr. Bean is to cupcakes.

It seemed to have revolutionized the world so greatly that every other teenager I know is using the term. "My hair is so flat, FML!", "I woke up late for school, FML", "I miss my boo, FML" are just a few of the many examples that can be found everywhere; Facebook, Twitter, conversations, and I mean EVERYWHERE.

I hate this term. I used to think it was funny just because I was one of those who frequent the site, but overtime, I realized that people abused the term and it started getting annoying. 

 It seemed to me as though these people did not really know how to use the term at all. I mean, there are so many people out there who could use it. Like Earthquake victims, people who lost their children to deadly diseases, people living in poverty, in debt, or even those who lost their loved ones because of drugs. They could say that their lives were fucked.

They could tell the world "FML", but I doubt they would. But you, your life is not that screwed.

So what makes you worthy of saying "FML"?

Skinamarinky dinky dink, skinamarinky doo...

While the Muslims are out celebrating Hari Raya...


While some are drooling over Korean pop stars...


While others are praying for those who lost their loved ones on September 11...


While some are celebrating that fact that the church did not burn the Quran...


While the teens are partying their night away...


While my mum is creating 2000 batik pieces...


Kethlyn (me) turned her portrait into a sugar skull

PS: The title had nothing to do with this post. But Mary Poppins is awesome:)

Forgive me, for I shall repent

Having to be born with skin colour a tad darker than Chinese, and having facial features that are a tad different from the large eyed Indians, people often mistake me for a Muslim. Now, this might not be a bad thing for some of you guys, but to me, it has been something that I have a difficult time trying to adapt to.

Before you start jumping to conclusions and begin accusing me of being a racist, let me first tell you that I am in no way against the Muslims and their religion.

It is just that every time Ramadhan approaches, I cringe in fear of being judged by some people. No, it is not because of the 'Mat and Minah' stereotypes that I get, but because of how I have to hide whenever I eat or hide my tattoo during this month.

Why, you say? Well, as mentioned earlier, many have assumed that I am a Muslim and often glare at me when I head out to head to eat before 'Itfar' or the time for breaking fast. I know most might think of not giving a damn to these people because obviously their assumptions of me being a Muslim is wrong. However, ignoring is not really blissful in this situation. This is because I have been hit with an umbrella by an elderly lady while I was having an ice cream at the bus stop. People have also come up to me and scolded me, accusing me of not having any dignity by eating in public when I am supposed to fast.


However, I have to admit, that this year was not as bad as I thought it would be because I spent most of my time at home. However, I was called an 'Anak Sial', 'Idiot child', and a pig all because I was caught having some candy, and I wore pants that had my tattoo showing, and also because of my piercings, I think. It does not really matter much to me anymore, because I have long forgiven you accusers, for the sake of humanity :)

After all, Hari Raya is about forgiving and repenting right? Anyways, here is just a little note to wish all my Muslim friends, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!


Have a blast reminiscing the past, forgiving each other, and filling your bellies with loads and loads of goodies!


Here's an awesome Petronas video to end this post. Enjoy!

is Vernon single? heh heh heh.

is Vernon single? heh heh heh.

I'm not really sure cause' we don't really invade each other's private life, but I think he is. Hahaha :)

Pick my brains...

You can count me one like 1,2,3...

You can count me one like 1,2,3...

I'll be there. And I know when I need it I can count on you like 4 3 2.. And you'll be there. Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah <3

Pick my brains...

Are you planning on getting more ink?

Are you planning on getting more ink?

I've been talking to my family about it, and just last night, they said that I could only have them when I become an MP. So I guess, I would either have to wait a really long time, or bust my ass to get that position. Hah.

Pick my brains...

ENJOY!

ENJOY!!

[Stardust] KiraKira Waypoints - wonderfl build flash online

Sweets make you fat

Sweets make you fat

It's not even a question. But okay.

Pick my brains...

If you can travel the world with someone, who would it be?

If you can travel the world with someone, who would it be?

My mum

Even though we're not as close as I want to be, this is the least I can do to repay her for bringing me into this world.

Pick my brains...

Screw, shoot, marry... freddy krueger, chucky, justin bieber

Screw, shoot, marry... freddy krueger, chucky, justin bieber

OMG. HAHAHAH!

Whoever who asked this, you're gonna get it baaaaad I tell you.

I'd like to shoot the first two, and I can't really be bothered with the last one. But if it's really a must, then....


Screw Chucky (He might turn me into a doll)
Shoot Freddy
Marry Justin (though he'd be underage and I'll be jailed for it).

I DON'T EVEN...

Pick my brains...

Tumbling down

I know it may sound a bit loser-ish, but the past few days was spent in isolation. As how some of my friends may put it, the days were spent emo-ing to myself.

I never really believed in breaking points. I used to think that only those who were having mid-life crisis, would go through it. However, most of my friends have gone through them, and many told me that it would soon be my turn.

But how could I have a breaking point, since I was not really affected by anything, or so I thought.

It took a song, or rather an instrumental piece to shatter me into a million pieces.

Nostalgia, memories, the past, both good and bad instantaneously came flooding through my head. It took merely seconds for me to transform from an oblivious smart-ass to a wet and lost puppy.

I hate this feeling and I want this to end really bad, but I can't help but hit the song on replay throughout the day. It might sound pathetic, and I don't know why I'm doing this, but I figured that maybe, just maybe going through all this agony would make me heal again.

I don't really know what will become of me, but I do hope I get sick of this song, and wake up from this pathetic act soon.

Till then.

The green ribbon

Ever since I was a small kid, I liked cracking my knuckles, toes, back, neck, knees. You name it. It was not necessarily a habit, as I started doing it because I really liked the popping' sounds.

My mum hated it though, as she felt that it caused my joints to loosen. I was out to prove her wrong, so being the smart-alec that I was (HAH), I google-ed it and found that cracking was not harmful as I was merely relieving gas (no pun intended!) that was in between the joints.


However, I have to admit that overcome, I have become addicted to cracking my joints, and it has become so bad that if I don't crack my neck, back, fingers, knees and toes, I would feel weakened and would not be able to use that body part properly.


I do not know how I am going to overcome this addiction, but if you see me with a ribbon around my neck someday, please do not snip it off!

For those of you who have never heard of this story, YOU SHOULD!

I'm not dead yet, nor am I very much alive.

It has actually been a really long time since I last blogged. I actually made a promise to myself at the start of the year, that I would have to come up with at least 5 posts a week for the April semester. However, as you know, promises are always meant to be broken, and so this blog had been left untouched for the past few months.

On the contrary, I do have a lot of posts that are still saved in drafts. I actually do not know when I'll ever complete them, but I will definitely do it, someday... Just for the mere sake of satisfaction. Huhu.



Okay, I guess that's it for now.


Tag replies:

To Alex: BAHAHAHA. I couldn't help it.
To Colin: Ahhh, I can sense your annoyance. Why aren't you in the YOG basketball team huh huh?
To Mucuc: But you like JJ LIN. EEEEEEE.
To Nat: Mmmmmhmmmm... We should get them and go crazy some day :)

Till then!

You are the one

Have you guys seen the latest cheer song for the Youth Olympics? I think it is the lamest piece of crap I've ever seen in my entire life. I can't stand how they keep showing this video on television. Not only is the guy's face annoying, but the whole video itself is crappy. I just hope MacDonalds and other fast food restaurants don't begin showing this on repeat on their televisions.

For those of you who have not seen the video, here it is:






Seriously, what is up with the chest pumping and Mission Impossible hand signs? And that stupid 'Hadouken' hand sign.





This is madness. I kinda take pity on the two veteran athletes though, making a fool out of themselves like that. Let's just pray that the whole world wouldn't be laughing at Singapore because of this messed up video.


An artist like him sure could do so much better. Thankfully, this isn't the official song for YOG.

1. What's your deepest darkest secret

I hide gummy bears in my closet. Sshhh... Don't tell anyone.



2. Lower sec or upper sec memories better?

Definitely lower sec, just because I hadthe greatest accomplices to get into trouble with.

3. What kind of person are you?

The one that scoops nutella with her fingers, and then brushes her teeth with her finger so that she looks like she doesn't have any teeth.

4. Who is your crush?

Justin Bieber.


NO, I WAS KIDDING.

5. What type of person do you date?

Someone who wouldn't fit into any social group. Unique.

6. Do you know it's a sin to have modifications to yourself? You'll burn in hell

I grew up believing that I was more than just flesh, bones and blood. If modifying myself to be who I want to be, is a direct route to hell, then I welcome it with arms wide open.

Pick my brains

There is no escape. You can't be a vagabond and an artist and still be a solid citizen, a wholesome, upstanding man. You want to get drunk, so you have to accept the hangover. You say yes to the sunlight and pure fantasies, so you have to say yes to the filth and the nausea. Everything is within you, gold and mud, happiness and pain, the laughter of childhood and the apprehension of death. Say yes to everything, shirk nothing. Don't try to lie to yourself. You are not a solid citizen. You are not a Greek. You are not harmonious, or the master of yourself. You are a bird in the storm. Let it storm! Let it drive you!

who were your good / bestfriends in pri and sec school?

I love questions like this because it allows me to reminisce about the past that was shared with fabulous people.

This is going to be a long reply,but if you're really curious about my answer, then bear with me yeah?

Anyways, for lower primary, my best friend had to be Sharifah Nabilah. She was one of the coolest chicks, and we lived in the same block, and since I was always skipping school, she would help me collect my work (kinda' sounds like I made use of her huh?). But she is a intelligent and unique character who has a passion for designing clothes.

Other than her, I spent most of my time in the staff room with Ms Faith Sim who was not only a teacher, but a friend, counsellor and someone whom I looked up to. Most of my primary school teachers were like my friend, especially Ms Sim, Mrs Law, and Ms Ishatika (I think.

Then came the time where all of us had to move up to senior role and I kinda' lost contact with them. However, the new bunch of friends that I made were just as awesome. My senior class for example, with Farrah, kirin, Fadaria and Haiza, and the guys like Douglas and Leonard were cool kids. Then there was Elaine who always helped me out in Chinese Class. And then there were the after-school kids like Julia and Diana(who were always there when I needed people to confide in), Lixin, Cheryl, Xue Ping, Twins, Wen ya, Yiling, Jia Xin, and Weiting. And how could I forget the guys like Nicholas and Dion Choo (sadly, I lost contact with them after they left school), Jonathan, Jun Guo, Hafiz.. The list can go on and on...

As for sec school, nothing beats the people that were with me through thick and thin when I was a mess in lower sec. People like Syuh, Raudah, Malek, Liyana, Colin, Alex. And how could I forget the people I met in upper sec, my dear NE leaders, Ms Lim Hui Qi, Alkaff, Aainaa, Shera, jeanice, and the volleyballers.

As you can see, I don't really have a best friend. Every person is significant to me and I know that I have missed out so many more names, but I do love them just the same.

Pick my brains...

Happy Birthday! What are your birthday wishes?

Thank you so much! Well, I actually don't have birthday wishes but I guess it wouldn't hurt to make some up as I type this.

1. Find a way to stop making people think that I'm scary (dead serious on this).

2. Have more confidence in how I look?

3. Be able to turn my words into action

4. Figure out my career path by this year.

5. For mum and brothers to be able live life comfortably.

6. Get a new haircut

7. Hang out more often with people that I care about

8. Be able to find something that I am good at.

9. Learn something cool/unique

10. Make my family proud, so that they can stop worrying about me.

I guess that's about it for now...

Pick my brains...

We need more people like him in this Earth

Obsession

Never once did I ever think that I would fall head over heels for you. I never really opened my heart to anyone because I was afraid. Afraid of so many things so much that I had to hide my feelings deep within me. But when I'm with you, things are different. I never expected anyone to be able to bring down the walls that were safely guarding my fragile heart, but you were able to. Your warmth, your comfort and just the presence itself makes you seem like a guardian angel because I feel safe and comfortable whenever I am with you. You make me feel secure because I know that I am no longer alone, and that you would always me there with me. It's me and you against the world. But that is not the only thing that I like about you. The best part of this whole thing is of how there is a tingling sensation whenever you are in my arms. I'm addicted to you. I need you. I love you.

Most of you would probably be gagging at the mushy stuff that I wrote above. However it is true, I am in love, but with who you say? Who could possibly be so blind or at the very least brave enough to steal my heart? Well, it is not a HIM, nor is it a HER.

So what then? Just scroll down then...

WARNING.

May cause severe drooling and hyperventilation

If you have been following me on Twitter or Tumblr, you would have read about my obsession, so you would have guessed 'who' I was talking about earlier. However, if you have been missing out on my updates, then just Click Here to find out 'who' I was talking about.

No I was kidding. I was actually talking about candy. Yes, candy will show you the way to my heart. Being able to taste the sweet savoury candy that slowly melts in one's mouth gives me the thrills. I'm obsessed with it and I enjoy getting sugar rush every once in awhile because of it.

As you can see, I like to stock up on candy every once and awhile (This is my workstation at home by the way). As you can see, I've got the Crisp Dinosaur (HAHAHA) and loaded him with a couple of crisps and choco. Then there is the container of Easter Eggs and Gummies. I'm still trying to find time to get some sour gummies, chocolate sunflower seeds and M&Ms (or as how my mum puts it, MMMs).



However, I don't think I need to get them anytime soon, and it's all thanks to Rafidah, Rachael and Hamidah. Because look what they gave me!

Okay, so you can't really see what that is... but it is actually a bag of heavenly goodness. Food Porn I tell you! Just keep scrolling down to see why...

Look at what greeted me when I opened the gift. MALTESEERS!!

All of the candy that was in the gift. Three types of Sour Powder,(love this sort of candy when I was a kid) Sour Gecko gummy (MMMMM...), Cadbury Freddo Chocolate (used to have a stash of them too, the white chocolate one was 'cut-leg awesome), Milky way (Man it's been so long since I ate this. One of the best chocolates ever), Jelly beans (reminds me of the Harry Potter ones that Syuh used to have!), Gummy Eyeball (this is the sickest one of all. I LIKE!) and finally, that bag of MALTESEERS!!!! How can anyone not go crazy over candy? Mmm...


And if that is not enough, then check this one out...


The craziest chocolate combo that I tried at the Ice Cream Buffet. The ice cream flavours were: Mudpie, sticky chewy, rocky road, coffee and butterscotch. And the toppings were: milo balls, malteseers, chocolate fudge, wafer, chocolate sprinkles and coco pops.


I don't know about you but I sure am drooling. Shall go get myself some Nutella toast now.


Till then.

Someone once asked me how I lived my life and my answer would always be "Eat and drink, for tomorrow we die", a simplified version of an Egyptian phrase that I got online. To me, it kind of meant that I wanted to live life to the fullest, not regretting a single bit if I ever had to leave this Earth unannounced.


However, the past few days got me thinking a little bit, and I realized that I was not actually living my life to the fullest. In fact, I was living in denial all this while.


Not to long ago, I stumbled upon a phrase from the movie 'Bucket List'. The phrase was actually an Egyptian belief, that when one kicked the bucket, one had to answer two questions before one was allowed to enter heaven. The two questions were "Have you found joy in your life" and "Have your life brought joy to others?". I remembered that I vowed to follow these questions as I progressed further into my life, however time, oblivion and ignorance got the better of me and to tell you the truth, I am disgusted at where I am right now.


Maybe that is the very same reason why I hate on the world so much for hating me huh.




Maybe the reason why things are how they are is it's all because of......











ME.

Keth, i want a wand. then i can secretly cast spells in my room. Do you want a wand as bad as i do? HAHHAHA. Oh and i ate mint gummy bears the other day. MHMMMMM.

I NEED A WAND. I've already prepared a list of spells that I wanna cast. Oh you know the cake that I showed you? I showed it to my mum and begged her to get it for me, and she said I should've shown her earlier if I wanted it for my 18th. But she says she'll try to find comeone who can make the cake.

*Throws easter eggs at you*. MINT GUMMI BEARS ARE MINE!!!

Pick my brains...

I think you're fat

I never said I wasn't. But I can't help it if my boobs are the size of the equator, and that I enjoy jumping down steps because of how the layers of blubber around me jiggles.

Pick my brains...

5 mean things you've done?

In home or in school?

Well, I've never done anything mean at home. I love them too much to hurt them. But I do pull pranks of them. The meanest one would be to make my brother play the maze game with the volume full blast.

On the other hand, I've got way too much history for the things I've done in school (pri and sec), some of my friends should know about it. Anyways, the 5 meanest things would be:

1. Put glitter on the projector (tagged team work with someone(: Hahah).
2. Pour glue on the teacher's table (the teacher actually thought it was drool!).
3. Put double sided tape on the teacher's chair (again, tagged team work (: Heh)
4. Vandalize an entire toilet about someone (again tagged team)
5. I can't decide between spamming someone and then pretend I'm not that person, throwing a sweet at someone's face and bursting out in laughter (though it was unintentional), and tripping my teacher by tying my classmate's table and mine with correction tape (tagged team again!).

I'm actually a very nice person you know.

Pick my brains...

People who follow you on your tumblr and blog would know that you like the Kaulitz brothers and Johnny Depp. But who's your real life crush?

Woah, I didn't know my posts about them were that obvious, since not many of my friends know about it. And my real life crush? No one actually, unless you consider Gambit and Wolverine as real.

Pick my brains...

Random updates

Hi guys. I know that I used to blog almost everyday, but it seems like my brain is kind of dry ever since I started school. Hence the lack of updates, whines, or 'research'. However, I still do visit this site every now and then to check back on the tagboard and also to try to come up with stuff to put up on this site. Unfortunately, this site does not really a hold a spot in my hear anymore (hahah, like a break-up letter man..).

TUMBLR WON ME OVER!

But I still do blog occasionally. So keep up with the tags and stuff yeah?

Anyways, if you're wondering what I've been up to this holidays, you're going to be disappointed. No, I mean it.

I haven't really been up to anything, other than eat, sleep, tumblr, more tumblr, even more tumblr. But I've been reading alot too, especially on Creepypasta, at the library or bookshops, some e-books that I downloaded, and stuff I just randomly stumble upon. Apart from that, nothing much has been going on in my life. Other than the fact that I'm slowing losing the capability of remembering or recognizing some of the people I know (whaaaat... saying that I forgot seems.. harsh).


Anyways, if you happen to read this and want to follow me on my tumblr, Click Here!
If you want me to follow you, just give me a shout out okay!

Till then, or never ever.