So what the heck am I talking about? Well, as I blew out the candles on my birthday cake, I made a wish to carry out an experiment for four months (why four? No idea either, it just happened to pop into my head at that moment).
The experiment was something simple, yet required a whole lot out of me.
So what was this simple confidential experiment? I simply gave myself the task to observe.
Friends (especially Shera) often find it distracting to talk to me because I'm rarely looking at her most of the time. Instead, my eyes would be wandering about, looking at the people, things or environment around her. She once mentioned that she picked up my 'style' of observing people and could soon tell if I was really paying attention or not. However, she often end up turning around to look at what I'm looking before continuing her 'story'. We'd end up giggling at something else or because we forgot what we were talking about.
There were also friends (like Syuh) who wouldn't mind spending hours with me, sitting and then side tracking by look or rather, observing the things around us.
Don't get me wrong, I love listening to people. But it's seldom the conversation that I pay close attention to. Sometimes, I can't help but to observe the person's body language, style of speaking and every other thing of that person. My attention would not even be on the person, but someone or something else. That was how easily distracted I could be.
It may seem weird, but it has become a habit to me. I love observing things around me and I felt that it was going to be a tough journey for me in Poly, and so on that very night of my birthday, I wished to carry out the experiment in a whole new environment.
The task was very simple. All I had to do was to shut my trap and pay more close attention to the environment around me. I was serious about this experiment and tried my best to keep quiet and act blur/lost when people badmouthed me or even dissed me to my face.
The outcome of this experiment?
I got to really see who were the real assholes around me. When you silently watch someone, his/her motives and intentions become so clear to you that would've hit yourself in the head for being that blind in the first place, and I wasn't only talking about class/school mates, but rather, everyone around me whether they were strangers or not.
During these four months:
I got to see the beauty and the ugly side of our society (not trying to be political or anything).
I realized that if I took the train to Jurong East every Wednesday, I would bump (not literally) into this lady that always seems to enter the same cabin as the other times that she boarded the train.
I bumped (again not literally) or could bump into Terrence Kian when I took the train back after my Field Practicum Attachment.
I've seen this well dressed man with huge Indian, gorgeous brown eyes for at least 1 dozen times in Bus 61.
I'm disappointed to see that elderly were giving up their seats for other people, while the youngsters still continued to 'pretend to sleep' or simply ignore the fact that everyone was staring at them.
I blew bubbles out of my window and watched the rain burst them one by one.
I noticed that everyone moves to the other side of the train upon entering the cabin, rather than moving to the center as mentioned by whoever-that-person-is on the speakers.
I noticed that every working person looked gloomy, while girls were giggly, and guys were drowned by their head banging music when in the train.
I watched how insane or rather, 'kiasu' people were when boarding the train/bus. Gone were the days when we lined up and gave way to those in line. Now, everyone pushes each other, and some even had the cheek to cut the line, pretend that nothing happened, only to laugh it off with their friends later. Pffft...
I managed to strike random conversations with people (Mr. Patrick being one of them).
I watched how a group of adolescence sneak in their drinks in the train, and happily drink away, despite the stares from the crowd.
I've just had enough with idiots who lean on the grab poles in the MRT.
I received comments that majority of my classmates thought that I was scary. Maybe I still am.
I noticed an inch of nose hair sticking out of this man that was standing right infront of me in a packed train. It was disturbing but soon became revolting when he lifted his sweaty, hairy armpit (he was wearing a sleeveless top) grab the handle bar above my head, thus exposing it directly to my face.
I was stuck in a train with an elderly man whom I thinked soiled himself. It was really rude for the other passengers to begin pinching their noses, fanning themselves, and to the extreme, some even sprayed their perfumes in the train, just to show how intolerable the smell was.
I realized that my mother can pick a fight with anyone, anywhere, any time. I was in the train with her and she confronted and even lectured about 4 inconsiderate people (the irritating twit type, the one with huge prams and block the way, not willing to fold their prams even though it was empty, the type that swings their hair about, not caring who's beside or behind them, etc... You get my drift?). She even went up to a saleswoman with a bag without the pricetag and said this "Hello, is this free? There isn't a pricetag on it, so I thought it must be free. Is it free then?". Such hilarious sarcasm.
I noticed that people stare at you and look away nervously when you catch their stare. But if you were to smile at them, they would actually smile back.
It became obvious to me that many were talking about me. It wouldn't be that obvious if you didn't keep pointing to your chin, or literally bend yourself to a side to look at my tattoo.
I found out that people still do judge by first impressions and it's really hard to have them kick it aside. Therefore, I have made more enemies with my looks than ever. And the funny thing was, I never said a word.
I noticed that hummingbirds do visit my mum's plants by the corridor to get the nectar.
I noted that the 'charcoal train' comes by Admiralty station between 3.20 to 4.00am.
I've squished on the wet grass after a heavy downpour and felt the difference when it was a sunny day. People stared at me, but it felt good to squish about barefooted.
I realized that my dog Junior isn't only afraid of thunders, but every other sudden loud noise.
I also found out how the beads on my bag had gone missing, and where Junior always took my soft toys to.
I found out that assholes get really high in the head when you simply nod to their 'commands' rahter than voice your opinions. They then begin bullying you by pushing the entire workload to you. This observation was an exception because I had to make a move or be doomed as a slave. When confronted and showed my 'garang-ness', people like this either 'apologise' and say that they weren't aware, or they simply say that I should've voiced it out in the first place. So people, NEVER STAY SILENT especially when it comes to workload.
I also found out that there are assholes out there who treat you like trash, badmouthing you and even treating you like an invisible object because they think that you're afraid of them, thus keeping quiet to yourself.
But I also found out that there are also really helpful people who volunteer to help you out when they see that you're all quiet. They feel that you're lost and don't want to trouble anyone, and feel that it is only right for them to help you out.
I realized that behaviour, character, habits and thoughts can be influenced. What do I mean by that? Just take this time to reflect on someone that is close to you. I bet she/he influenced you to listen to her/his type of music. You also begin imitating unconsciously, the habits of that particular person, be it the way she/he types, speaks, etc... And I'm pretty sure you share more than one common interest with that person.
Lastly, I realized that the world isn't really about me anymore.
Till then.
