Dear You

I know that you dread going home every single day because of all the chaos that is going on. It may not seem so bad on the surface but I know that deep down, you're tormented by the things he did since the day your mom was married to him.  I don't think there is anyone else that has gone through so much as you have. All the trauma that you've been keeping deep deep down in you.

I also know how left out you are at home. When you're good in your studies, you get labeled as an educated fool just because you're not as equipped as the rest of them at home. We all have different interests, and they should know that what they enjoy doing, may not necessarily be your niche. You are good at what you do,so never let anyone tell you that you are not.

I know that you have tried taking your life numerous of times just because you hate yourself. But how can someone hate you when you're doing so well in life? No one may understand the pain that you are going through because you hide it really well, but I can see through it all. How many times have you tries killing yourself? Since you were 10. You are a strong person, that's why you're still here, still alive. Because you deserve more out of life, and by being alive, you get to change your own path, something that you've always wanted to do, to get away from the jinxed family tree that your parents laid down for you.

Not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not quick enough, not street smart, you're so fat, you're ugly, you're huge, you're like Godzilla, you're always so stiff, you're so stuck up, stop dreaming about your life, you aren't as good as your sibling, you're just like that aunt that everyone else hates, stop being a perfectionist, stop being so picky, are you even a girl?, sometimes I wish you weren't my daughter, why are you so dumb, I hate you.

Remember how you repeated every single hate you and others had on you? Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you. But I guess it's no use telling you this, because what you've gone through is repeating over and over again, so much that you've already forgotten how its like to be loved. Maybe that's why you're always putting up a strong front, because you don't trust anyone anymore, and you want the world to know that you're a strong willed person, and that you're not easily knocked down. Maybe that's why you're still here. But just remember that while you're so busy proving to the world what you can do, you need to find love. Feel it, enjoy it, cherish it. 

You don't deserve to go through all this. So please keep holding on. I love you, so don't give up.

Taken from my post in facebook

"    I used to think that change was only possible if I were Miss World, or something along the line. However, I realized that change is possible, and it starts with me. 

     I know that most of you are wondering “what change?”, “who are these people tagged?”, and “why I am even tagged?” Well, you guys all fall under different categories; people who I respect a lot, people who I love dearly, people whom I have lost touch with, and/or people whom I thought I would never hold another conversation with, in this life time. Obviously there is no specific category for everyone, because amidst you guys are some people whom I have not talked to in years, people whom I have never had a disagreement with, and people whom I have never even had a conversation with at all. However, all of you guys are tagged only for reason, and that is, that I am starting on a project and I wish to involve all of you.

     No, don’t worry. It’s not an assessed school assignment, but rather, a personal project. Many of us are often dissatisfied with our lives. I know I am, and thus, I decided to come up with this project. Let’s just put it as a life-changing project involving you and I.   

     Most of you may not know me well enough, but I am, or rather, I was someone whom used to hate the world, the people, and was always out to prove my worth. However, overtime I realized that life is so much more than worrying about the trends in fashion, the hate for others, and even revenge. Because I realized that while I was so caught up with myself, I tend to forget about the people who were there from the start; the people who did not judge or question, the people who trusted me, cared, and supported me. I was oblivious. In fact, I was worse than that. I had a mind of an exaggerated soldier. I hid among the barracks, armed with a machine gun. I not only isolated myself, but pushed everyone away from me, and would shoot at anyone whom I felt was out to hurt me. However, I realized that I was always too quick to jump the gun, hurting the innocent (I know that might sound rather severe, but I couldn’t really think of anything else to better describe what I was going through, so better to have it exaggerated huh :D). That is why I would like to take this opportunity to apologize.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that we got off on a wrong foot. I’m sorry for not be there for you. I’m sorry for not listening. I’m sorry that I was always caught up in trying to prove my worth, that I neglected you. I’m sorry that I am always so caught up with what other people are saying about us. Most importantly, I’m sorry for not holding onto what we had, be it friendship, a bond, a connection. 

That is why I’d like to start over. No more hiding, no more fears, no more aggression, just me, and I hope you’d forgive me and start over too.

Hi, my name is Kethlyn, and I’d like to get to know you all over again.

Yeu Ha Noi

Another long overdued post. This was supposed to be done up in October as well.




Oh well..




Well, I was supposed to be all excited, exclaiming that I came back to Singapore in one piece, but I realized that it is too late to be that enthusiastic given that I have been back in Singapore for two months already.


However, the trip was not as amazing as I thought it would be, but I guess we could not expect much, given that it was supposed to be a study trip. Nevertheless, it was an enriching experience and I am glad, I got to meet so many adorable children and hardworking teachers, got to know the culture better, and definitely have a better appreciation for education.

While I may not be that secretive about my displeasure, the details are only for me, and me only. So, this will be a short post!

I am still not done collating my reflections for the trip (which are all in scrap paper), so I'd like to end this post with a song/video of children singing in Vietnamese, about how much they loved Hanoi. Enjoy!

You can view more of the photos that I took during the trip here!

Till then.

TCP Camp

This post is long overdue. In fact, it was supposed to be posted on the 20th of October, but look how time flies!

Anyways, on to the more important part, this post is about the Leadership Empowerment camp organized by ROHEI, but held for students who are in The Christieara Programme ( or TCP for short) in Ngee Ann polytechnic.

I would not want to reveal how I managed to get into the programme, but I'd just like to say that if you are in Ngee Ann Polytechnic, but are am not in TCP, then you jolly well should find out more to join in! It is definitely a great platform for you to gain loads of experiences and opportunities to grow and shine!

Now, on to the camp! At the start of the camp, all of us found out that we were sorted into different countries. I belonged to Japan, with fantastic groupmates and a mentor who is showing off her biceps (below)

Initially, I thought that the camp was going to be a really boring one, given that I did not know anyone, and I thought we'd have worksheets to complete, and non-stop lectures by the educators, but boy was I in for a surprize!

The 3D2N event was definitely tonnes of fun, with activities such as the paper bag game, lunch unlimited, cross the moat, and tonnes of sharing sessions were conducted. 

*You can scroll all the way to the end of the post to learn more about the activities that were conducted.

However, what I found really interesting about this organization ROHEI that conducted the camp, was of how open minded they were. Sharing sessions simply involved them sitting down in the lounge with us, with a microphone, and just pouring out the many years of fear, hardship, trauma and sacrifice. Mentors like Nick and Calvin really won me over when they shared about how much they struggled when they were young, and how much faith they had in themselves to continue living. The stories shared by all of them were definitely tear-jerking and made me reflect on my own life, and how little I was putting in to make it better for myself and the people around me.

Apart from that, what I really enjoyed most from this camp was the award ceremony and the little skit that they had done up for us on the last day. Campers Ernest, Calissa and Kris definitely deserved the awards for their selflessness, and remarkable personality, heart and everything else that was positive. 

On a whole, the camp really brought out the best in everyone, and made us deeper thinkers, of who we are and who we want to be.  The activities not only made us work stronger as a team, but it opened up our minds and hearts to other people. It was definitely an emotional roller-coaster for me, but I am glad that I came out to be a much better person than I was before the camp.

On to the games!

Paper bag game

This activity is actually taken from a real-life situation. Each country was considered as a family, and we were migrating to India to start anew. However, with no money, and no lodging, we had to resort to selling paper bags to earn a living.

So the entire activity was pretty much like a simulation, whereby there was a loan shark who would loan us money to buy glue, scissors and newspapers, corrupted officials from the government who would catch us illegal immigrants every time they went for a patrol and would only release them if we bribed them, rent collectors who visited us at intervals, and the shops that gives us money only when our paper bags are of approved quality. 

This activity was the most frustrating of them all because not only were our members imprisoned, but the officials always confiscated our items, leaving us with so desperate that my team had to steal other group's papers, and even formed an alliance with some so salvage whatever that we had. Even though all the groups did horribly, we all managed to learn a couple or two important stuff from this activity. 

Lunch unlimited

All of us were told to draw lots from a mystery box, which had either the letter A, B, or C. I got the letter C, and to be honest, I thought that it was going to be like some sort of Fear factor series. Fortunately, it was not. The three letters were of the three different social statuses, the rich, the average and the poor, and I happened to be in the group that was poor! So while the rich had fine dining, and the average ate out of Bento boxes, the poor people ate bread, on the floor. However, halfway through lunch, people from the other two social statuses started coming over to offer us food, and all of us poor people were actually shockec/surprised/touched! From what seemed like a pathetic meal, all of us were really glad that we were not forgotten and people actually sacrificed their meals for us. An emotional experience indeed. 

Cross the moat

Cross the moat was another frustrating activity because we had to repeat the task over and over again. We were supposed to move from the start to the the end of the river by following the numbers. Sounds simple? Here comes the tricky bit, each number had to have at least one feet, and maximum two feet on it at all times, and we had to move as a team. However, the toughest bit was that the numbers were all jumbled up and we had to really rely on everyone's strength and support to complete the task together., and we had to do this all in silence!  What I learned from this activity was that repetition sometimes enables one to learn from one's mistakes, and to also ignore snide and criticisms and just focus on our task, and not be distracted and too quick to give up. 

Another activity was done using pebbles. Before that, we were tasked to work as a team in a treasure hunt, and from that activity, we were taught about synergy, and how important teamwork is. The example that was used was chopsticks; of how brittle they were as one, but strong and sturdy when a bundle of them were held together. The pebble was then used to signify us. We were told to reflect on ourselves, of how good we really were, and how far we had travelled, and we used the pebbles to store all the untruth, burdens, and things that were hindering us and when we were told to let go of the pebbles, we had to literally let go of all the troubles that we had in us as well.

The skit

This skit was special because all the mentors were involved. They were a bunch of people who wanted to travel overseas but each time they stepped through, the guards would stop them. Even though they tries their hardest to find solutions, they gave up eventually. They couldn't help but deem themselves as failures, cowards, useless, hopeless, and unwanted. Out of the blue, someone came along and provided them with comfort and reassurance, and with a new boost of confidence, they all started believing in themselves again, and managed to pass through the guards.

It might not sound as touching as it actually is, so you've got to see it to actually believe and feel it.

Lastly, during our last sharing session, one of the campers shared something really meaningful. He said something like "when we are proud, we bring our wall up against people, but if we bend over to help, we form a bridge. So why can't form a bridge and help each other cross over together".

I am not exaggerating when I say that this camp is life changing. It really is. I do hope that many other youths would get to experience this and enjoy it as much as I have.

To end this post, here is a quotation:

Being vulnerable doesn't have to be threatening. Just have the courage to be sincere, open and honest. This opens the door to deeper communication all around. It creates self-empowerment and the kind of connections with others we all want in life. Speaking from the heart frees us from the secrets that burden us. These secrets are what make us sick or fearful. Speaking truth helps you get clarity on your real heart directives.-- Sara Paddison

Till then