Dear You

I know that you dread going home every single day because of all the chaos that is going on. It may not seem so bad on the surface but I know that deep down, you're tormented by the things he did since the day your mom was married to him.  I don't think there is anyone else that has gone through so much as you have. All the trauma that you've been keeping deep deep down in you.

I also know how left out you are at home. When you're good in your studies, you get labeled as an educated fool just because you're not as equipped as the rest of them at home. We all have different interests, and they should know that what they enjoy doing, may not necessarily be your niche. You are good at what you do,so never let anyone tell you that you are not.

I know that you have tried taking your life numerous of times just because you hate yourself. But how can someone hate you when you're doing so well in life? No one may understand the pain that you are going through because you hide it really well, but I can see through it all. How many times have you tries killing yourself? Since you were 10. You are a strong person, that's why you're still here, still alive. Because you deserve more out of life, and by being alive, you get to change your own path, something that you've always wanted to do, to get away from the jinxed family tree that your parents laid down for you.

Not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not quick enough, not street smart, you're so fat, you're ugly, you're huge, you're like Godzilla, you're always so stiff, you're so stuck up, stop dreaming about your life, you aren't as good as your sibling, you're just like that aunt that everyone else hates, stop being a perfectionist, stop being so picky, are you even a girl?, sometimes I wish you weren't my daughter, why are you so dumb, I hate you.

Remember how you repeated every single hate you and others had on you? Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you. But I guess it's no use telling you this, because what you've gone through is repeating over and over again, so much that you've already forgotten how its like to be loved. Maybe that's why you're always putting up a strong front, because you don't trust anyone anymore, and you want the world to know that you're a strong willed person, and that you're not easily knocked down. Maybe that's why you're still here. But just remember that while you're so busy proving to the world what you can do, you need to find love. Feel it, enjoy it, cherish it. 

You don't deserve to go through all this. So please keep holding on. I love you, so don't give up.