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posted : Sunday, January 01, 2012
title : An apology
Dear you, I just wanted to say... I'm sorry. For all the trouble that I put you through. For the nights that we fought over unnecessary topics. For all the hurtful words that I hurled at you. For all the selfish stunts that I pulled on you. For not understanding you well enough. For all the unhappiness I caused. For wanting to give up. For being such a jerk. Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made I am amazed at how far we have gotten in this friendship despite the shit that I have put you through. No one deserves to go through all that stuff, not even you. I know that it is my fault and I know that it is a little too late, but I wish I could go back in time to take away all those memories. At the start of the friendship, my main goal was to help you feel comfortable with yourself. To let you feel loved and supported, and to see the world through the eyes of another person. However, overtime, I realized that I was doing it all wrong. A friendship was not about changing a person, but rather accepting the person for who he is. But if I was struggling to come to terms with who I was, how was it going to be possible for me to accept others? For a period of time, I hated myself a whole lot because I was offering you all the support and advice yet I was not even listening to myself. It was as though I was putting on a façade and I was so sick and tired of myself. I realized that it was not a game, and I was in no position to mould or influence you into becoming someone else because I was not any better. I had a ton of insecurities and as I struggled to live my life, the frustrations, pressures and hatred for life just began building up in me, and just when I was about to explode, you got in the way. And for that, I’m sorry. There may not be much positive memories to this friendship because of the things that I have said and done, but one thing for sure is that you have taught me a whole lot about myself. I was so used to being independent and getting things done my way that I often failed to realize how my actions and words affected the people around me. Again, I’m sorry. You also taught me about perseverance and patience, and forgiveness and as I look back at this friendship, I realized that you were helping me more than I did. Mostly importantly, this friendship and you, reminded me of how much I missed being a kid again. Truth is, I am envious of you. You've got the looks, the intelligence, the ability to pull anything off, and you've got people who love you and want nothing but the best for you. I just wish you could see all of this for yourself. "All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and I promise you something great will come out of it" I don't know what is going to happen in 2012, but I am pretty sure that we will start moving on with our own lives. As such, I'd just want to thank you for being a part of my life in 2011. It was life-changing :) Labels: 2012, apology, Friendship, last day of 2011, my life, my reflection, personal |
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posted : Saturday, December 31, 2011
title : 2012
Every year, on this very day, at around this time, I close my eyes. I close my eyes and I take a deep breath and as I do so, I open up my mind and heart as all the memories for the past year flash before me. Just like any other year, 2011 was a tortuous journey; a battled filled with ups and downs, joy and sadness, tears and laughter. There were countless of times when I wished that I could turn back, to take back the days that never happened, devastating tragedies and meaningless afternoons that I let pass, opportunities that I missed. But most importantly, I wished that I could to turn back time to relive the glorious moments that can never occur again. It was in this year that I decided to live without regrets, living life day by day so that every second that I invested in something or someone, was made meaningful. This was also the year that I promised myself that I would find happiness, and even though I am still at a loss of what I want in my life, I found a better person in me. To many, it might seem like a small issue, but to me, it is one heck of a glorious victory for this year. Not only have I experienced a myriad of emotions and everything in between, but I also was given the opportunity to meet wonderful people who have changed and shaped my life positively, and they are the ones reading this right now. I am grateful for all that I have, and I am pretty sure that I will be welcoming 2012 as a better person that I am today. I hope that 2011 was as life-changing for you, as it was for me. Let's make 2012 our year :) Labels: 2012, emotions, feelings, last day of 2011, my reflections, new year eve, personal |
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posted : Monday, December 26, 2011
title : Skepticism
Just had a four hour long chat with a really good friend of mine from the Philippines. I got to know him during my school’s Youth Expedition Trip in March, and till this day, we’ve been keeping in contact with each other via Facebook. Words cannot describe how amazing this kid is. Throughout the entire YEP trip, he was the one who taught me so much about life, even though he is just thirteen. They say age is just another number, and I can’t help but to agree. This 13 year old has so much gusto in him, that it makes me ashamed of myself. See, this kid is openly gay and even though he always got bullied for being small-sized and into make-up, beauty pageants and ballet, he never once gave up on himself. He once told me “I am not like paper, I won’t crumple easily. And why should I try to be like others? I’ll just be another clone”. He is just 13, and yet his words of wisdom stayed with me. Even after I came back to Singapore, I always wondered how he was doing, and it was during this 4 hour conversation that he informed me of his successful progress as a danseur, and a pageant ‘king’. I can never be any prouder for him. But I always wondered… How is a 13 so confident, and sure of himself and his future, while I a 19 year old, am still stuck in my own little bubble? I can’t help but wonder what it is like to be in his shoes, and where he got all the courage and optimism from. I wonder when it would be my turn to fully understand myself and where I am heading in life. I sure could use some help right about now… Labels: Life., my reflection, personal, rant |
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posted : Saturday, August 27, 2011
title : If a love one made a big mistake that broke your heart, will you forgive??
If the mistake is that serious, I'd find out why that person did it, and try to understand from his or her point of view. It might be hard for me to forgive someone but it really depends on how much that person tries to salvage the bond we have. I guess we have to wifi things out to make it work. |
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posted :
title : Do you believe that you can over come everything with your love one??
Yeah I believe wcoven. So long as we don't give up on each other. |
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posted :
title : type of person youll fall for
That person has to have eyes of Gambit, hair like Wolverine, voice of John Mayer, be of the same age as Peter Pan, run like Jack Sparrow, and must have super powers. No I kid, there isn't a specific type. If it happens, it happens. |
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posted : Tuesday, August 23, 2011
title : Celebrating the Dead
I used to think nothing of death. Heck, I was so comfortable with the idea of leaving this Earth, that I messed with the elements of death, all the time. I mean what kind of sixteen year old plans her own funeral and posts it on her blog on her sixteenth birthday? Well, that teenager was me. I never really gave much thought about death because too many people had left me even before I learned how to pronounce their names. I was just too young and I didn’t know how to feel whenever death came knocking on our doors. However, as I grew older, I realized that I would tell my friends that death should be in a form of celebration of that person’s existence. Afterall, death is nothing but a transition of existence from one state to another. That was what I thought then. The past two weeks or so have provided me with the opportunity to stare death in the eye, and to be honest, my perception of death has changed. From watching a pigeon commit suicide, to almost getting run down by vehicles, to meeting a drunk stalker in the middle of the night, to having been admitted to a hospital, and to visiting a friend’s loved one in the cemetery. I would not want to go into details of the other incidents, because the major highlight of my ‘death weeks’ has definitely got to do with the visit to the cemetery. Before meeting that friend of mine, my thoughts about the visit was that it was going to be peaceful, maybe even enlightening. However, the moment we entered, I started freaking out. A myriad of emotions was running through me as we combed the entire area, finding the right lot. It was quiet and really peaceful except for the cars that drove past us every once in a while. However, I had a really tough time finding peace within me. I just felt so much pain, and sorrow, guilt, and helplessness… The feeling of losing someone forever. The anger of having someone taken away too soon. The hope that that someone would return. However, what tugged at my heartstrings the most was the emptiness of a forgotten soul. And then I lost it. Flashbacks about the things I said and did to people, thoughts about my family, friends and loved ones. Would their goals be fulfilled before they’re gone? Would I be there when they’re gone? Would they be forgotten? Would I be forgotten? It was something I had to come to terms with. Death was inevitable. That night I made a little prayer for those I had in mind… For my dear friend and his grandma. I have never met your grandma, but just by hearing about her enables me to imagine her to being a beautiful and amazing, caring and doting woman. I often tell my friends that we should never shed tears of sorrow or mourn over someone. Instead, we should shed tears of joy for the years that they lived. I am sure she is watching over you and feeling whatever that you are feeling; the joy, sorrow and hatred that you experience daily. We can’t undo the past, but we can pave the future, and that means you have to enjoy, and live your life to the fullest, so that her mind is at ease :) To my family. We never really got to spend time as a family, but every time we do, we fight. We fight over money, we fight over responsibilities, we vent our frustrations on each other, we curse and we swear, and we say the meanest things to each other. However, I just want all of you to know that I love you guys, and I will never neglect or even forget my role in this family. I can’t possibly turn back time, but I can make changes to the future. I want to be apart of the family again. I want everyone to feel loved, accepted and acknowledged in this family. There are tonnes of changes to be made, but the first change that I would make me starts with me. To my friends. You guys are a part of my world, my family, my life. And I want you guys to know that I will always be there for all of you, no matter what. I need you guys (you should know who you are) because you guys are my pillar of strength. You have seen the best and worst in me, and words cannot describe ow much I owe you guys, especially for not giving up in me, but picking me up when I was at my lowest. I never want to forget any of you, and I hope that your lives will be showered with the love, security and comfort that you guys have showered on me, tenfold :) To everyone else. You are not forgotten, and will never be. Labels: cemetery, death, emotions, feelings, loved ones, my life, reflect, reflections, thoughts |
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posted : Monday, August 01, 2011
title : Reasons why I suck at being a friend
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posted : Sunday, July 31, 2011
title : HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUCUC
To my dearest Mucuc (:  HAPPY 19TH! You're an amazing person, amidst all the pink and glitter and you should know that you too deserve the best in life. We're always here for you, so don't be too hard on yourself. We've all definitely been through ups and downs, but I believe that our friendship will be stronger. And just like how it has helped me, our bond between the clan will help you through your roughest days.  You guys give me the strength to survive everyday |
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posted : Saturday, July 30, 2011
title : If I die young
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to die young? What about going into a coma then? Would death be like falling asleep without a dream? Or would one be on an adventure? |
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posted : Saturday, July 16, 2011
title : DANCE
Just had the sudden urge to load up dance videos and cry a river to them. Here's some of the really really good ones that made me bawl like a baby.
1. Melissa and Ade - A Woman's Work (Maxwell) In this beautiful piece, it talks about a woman's struggle with breast cancer, and how a friend enters her life and shows her the glimmer of hope and support that she needs to fight it. 2. Jessica and Will - Silence (Unfaithful) This dance portrayed the beauty in Human Nature. The stunning piece reminds one of the Garden of Eden, and the love shared between Adam and Eve. 3. Lacey and Neil - Time (Billy Porter) A personal piece by Mia, of reunion in Heaven for a father and daughter. 4.Robert and Allison - Fix You (Coldplay) This piece is actually a personal one to Travis Wall, of his mother's recovery after a major operation. 5. Ivan and Allison - Sexy Love (Ne-yo) Mad love for Allison. And the chemistry in this is just so good! 6. Chelsie and Mark - Bleeding Love (Leona Lewis) Another lovely piece. Mark is one of Lady GaGa's dancers now, just so you know :) 7. Mitchell and Caitlynn - Turning Tables (Adele) 8. Melanie Moore 9. Adechike Can't seem to get the embedded code for his performances (click here, or click here), but I want to marry this man (Click here)! Labels: adechike, Dances, so you think you can dance, talent, travis wall, Tyce Diori, Videos, Youtube, youtube videos |
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posted : Saturday, July 09, 2011
title : To SYL, with love
What do you say to a child when he says he misses you?
What do you say to a child when he says she loves you? What do you say to a child who tells you that you've got her heart and mind, and she can't continue living life because of the lost she feels? What do you say when a child who lives thousands of miles away, asks you to come visit him again? What do you say to that child when you know that you won't be able to make that promise? What do you do when you miss the children, and feel just as lost and empty as them? I never thought that I would be so emotionally attached to anyone on Earth, and I owe it to the youths that I met in Dumaguete for they have taught me so much about myself, them, people, and life. And Kharl, I gave you my word that I would fetch you from the airport, and would spend every single day with you. I can't believe you actually remember about Bubur Chacha! But I promise let you try it before you leave for Dumaguete again. But I can't promise you that I won't talk to the rest of the team. I miss them too! I can't wait to see you guys in September, or in May. You guys make my life so much more worth living for. |
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posted : Thursday, June 23, 2011
title : Josie
Another talented one!
 And she's only 11! Now why can't I be talented too? Labels: 11 years old, Josie, singing, song, talent, Youtube, youtube videos |
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posted : Wednesday, June 22, 2011
title : Maddi Jane
A beautiful young lady with such a strong voice!
Watch how much she has grown in just one year! Amazeballz! Labels: Maddi Jane, singing, song, talent, Youtube, youtube videos |
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posted : Tuesday, June 21, 2011
title : Andre Garcia
Mad love for this man :)
The song starts at 2:00, fast forward if you just wanna' hear it. Lyrics: Crazy cus I’m falling in love Falling deeply in love with you Yeah, its so damn true Friends say I’m outta my mind That I shouldn’t be with you But they don’t understand The way I feel for you Is unlike any other thing I’ve ever felt before And they don’t understand That I’m not crazy I’m just a man Searching for reasons to find you Over and over again I’m not crazy, I’m just a man I’m doing everything that I can Crazy cause' I’m telling the truth There’s nowhere to run They’re telling me that I should find another one They can say I’m outta my mind I’ll still be your man They still won’t understand The way I feel for you Is unlike any other thing I’ve ever felt before And they don’t understand That I’m not crazy， I’m just a man Searching for reasons to find you Over and over again I’m not crazy, I’m just a man I’m doing everything that I... can I’m not crazy， I’m just a man Searching for reasons to find you Over and over again I’m not crazy, I’m just a man I’m doing everything but I’m not crazy， I’m just a man Searching for reasons to find you Over and over again I’m not crazy, I’m just a man I’m doing everything that I can Labels: acoustic, andrew garcia, crazy, Music, song |
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posted : Monday, June 20, 2011
title : A local talent that won my heart overnight.
On the last day of Famine Camp 2011, special guests and performers were invited to celebrate the end of the 30 hours fast. One of the guests invited to perform was Jill-Marie Thomas. She is actually the winner of One Moment of Glory. To be really honest, I was pretty skeptical about how good she was because I was not really a fan of local talent.
However, the moment she started singing on stage, I instantaneously fell in love with her voice! And it takes mad props for someone to be able to pull off a cover of WonderGirl's "Nobody" so well that she got to advance in the competition (she joined the competition as a challenger and managed to knock them out with her unique renditions). She is definitely one local talent that I would not mind supporting. Check out her awesome medley cover of Pokerface/ I kissed a girl below. MAD LOVE FOR THIS LADY! Labels: jill-marie thomas, local talent, One moment of glory, singing, song, Youtube, youtube videos |
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posted : Sunday, June 19, 2011
title : Happy Father's Day!
HAPPY FATHERS' DAY! Dear dad, I know that I may not be the nicest child on Earth, and that some of the decisions I make, and the actions I do in life disappoint you. I confess, sometimes, I do these things just so that I can get back at you; for the things that happened then, for the past. However, I realized overtime, that all this is getting me nowhere, and I am through with fighting against you. I used to have so much hatred in me, but I learned that this wrath that I built inside of me is the reason why I am being held back in life. I see the effort that you put in to amend things, but I was so childish that I kept digging up the past, being really hot-tempered and stubborn, not willing to forgive or let go. However, this time, I am willing to change. I may not be the cleanest dish in the sink, but I want you to know that from this day on, I want to make you proud; make the family proud of me. I am tired of living of in other people’s shadows, and I am tired of always being the destroyer. I want to let bygones be bygones. I am sorry that I never considered your feelings. Your huge and callous hands may not be the comfort that I seek, but these guiding hands were the ones that taught me how to swim, cycle, catch fish, and they also instilled values that I still practice till this very day. I remember of all the hiking and fishing trips, and outdoor adventures that made up a major part of my childhood. I learned so much from those trips, of the general knowledge and skills that I believe not other child had.  Sometimes I wish we could go back to the past. Nevertheless, I appreciate all the things you and mum have done for me. Because without the both of you, I would not be who I am today, let alone existing. The both of you are the only ones who have watched me grow; from a small young girl into a (big. HAHAHA) independent woman and I hope that my growth and decisions from now on will enable you to be proud of me.  Love, Kethlyn Labels: father, father's day, life changing, my dad, my life, my reflection, parents |
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posted : Tuesday, June 14, 2011
title : Tanner Edwards
Watch how this little precious work the stage!
Couldn't stop smiling to myself throughout the video! Labels: america's got talent, children, Dances, dancing, Tanner, Tanner Edwards |
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posted :
title : Colorgenerics Personality Test
I am a sucker when it comes to personality tests because I really like how people can predict one's personality through the options we choose based on the test. It's as if they can read through your soul. I always thought that personality tests were bogus because there is no fixed template to describe people. But lately, all the tests that I have taken had mindblowing results. Here's another one that I took: Colorgenerics Personality Test The site might seem really hocus pocus because of how colorful it is, and the test might seem really lame because all you have to do is select 8 coloured boxes in ascending order to how it harmonizes with you. But wait till you get the results. Here is my results: You have always longed for tenderness, love and a sensitivity of feeling into which you would like to blend. You are a very gentle warm person and responsive to 'All things bright and beautiful'. This personifies a caring person, a person who 'needs' and indeed 'needs to be needed'. You are working extremely hard - perhaps even above and beyond the call of duty. You are preparing for the future and therefore trying to build a firm trouble-free foundation upon which you may base all of your dreams and aspirations. You are trying to break away from the mundane existence that you have been experiencing of late. You have many high hopes and ideals but you are concerned whether circumstances will allow you to realise these ambitions. You want to spread your wings - to broaden your fields of activities - but you are concerned that your dreams are just that - 'dreams' which are not realistic. It concerns you that you are not thinking clearly at this time - what you need is to get away from it all, to give you time to think. A short vacation could well restore your confidence. You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone. You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone. What's yours? Go take the Colorgenerics Personality Test now! Labels: analysis, colorgenerics, colorgenerics personality test, personality analysis, personality test |
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posted :
title : Romanian Orphanage
When the 'child' is mentioned, what comes to your mind? To many, an image of a child comes to mind; A healthy, happy child, either playing by the playground or with friends; one who explores and loves being close nature; A child who has the privilege of having all their needs met (air, water, food, shelter, and even love); A child who has never-ending fun. Many assume that all the children on Earth are given that privilege. I beg to differ. Not every child is that lucky. Not too long, a lecturer of mine showed my cohort a video of an orphanage. Now, to the normal naive mind, many would think that an orphanage is a haven to children without any parents. The video below would change your mind about your assumptions. It pained my heart to see the children placed in such a living condition. All of them seemed so identical to each other, even though they were all not related. Was it because of the environment? The upbringing? The physical and psychological treatments? No child deserves to be given such a treatment. Every child has the right to live a proper life, with their needs met. Thankfully, John "Johnny" Upton came to their rescue. Sometimes, the reason why I hate volunteering or doing humanitarian stuff is because I am not able to reach out to everyone. Just like in the video, John Upton had to leave behind so many children because of the incomplete paperwork from their parents, or the director of the orphanage. The worst part is that, the child does not understand why he or she is being left behind, and that moment, they lose belief in themselves, the people around them, and in life. Even though coming up with an intervention is a good thing because one is making a difference, the guilt in not being able to help everyone outweighs the positivity in the interventions. Despite all that, I hope that this video can put an end to all the hate and torture children go through. They are just too young, innocent and naive to know what is going on, or to do anything to stop it. They do not deserve such treatment, and I hope that whoever who is responsible who get punished eventually. My plea for now is to hope that we all do our part to help or ensure that the young and the innocent get a chance to live a proper life. Labels: 20/20, abuse, Childhood, children, disabilities, helping, interventions, john upton, orphans, romanian orphanage |