Have you ever felt 'barely there'? Not in terms of education, career or success, but as a person. As your friends are out partying, falling in love, building memories, doing silly things, and even making dreams come true, you start becoming 'barely there'. It might be because they're moving forward in life, or it might be because you're no longer 'cool' enough for them. Occasionally, one or two of them do check in on you, but soon enough the interest dies down and again, you become dispensable. How exactly do you determine your value and impact on someone else when the world has taught us how to skillfully lie through our teeth? This has nothing to do with jealousy, but it most definitely is one of the reasons why I'm dead set on leaving.

Skepticism

Just had a four hour long chat with a really good friend of mine from the Philippines. I got to know him during my school’s Youth Expedition Trip in March, and till this day, we’ve been keeping in contact with each other via Facebook.

Words cannot describe how amazing this kid is. Throughout the entire YEP trip, he was the one who taught me so much about life, even though he is just thirteen. They say age is just another number, and I can’t help but to agree. This 13 year old has so much gusto in him, that it makes me ashamed of myself. See, this kid is openly gay and even though he always got bullied for being small-sized and into make-up, beauty pageants and ballet, he never once gave up on himself. He once told me “I am not like paper, I won’t crumple easily. And why should I try to be like others? I’ll just be another clone”. He is just 13, and yet his words of wisdom stayed with me. 

Even after I came back to Singapore, I always wondered how he was doing, and it was during this 4 hour conversation that he informed me of his successful progress as a danseur, and a pageant ‘king’. I can never be any prouder for him. But I always wondered…

How is a 13 so confident, and sure of himself and his future, while I a 19 year old, am still stuck in my own little bubble? I can’t help but wonder what it is like to be in his shoes, and where he got all the courage and optimism from. I wonder when it would be my turn to fully understand myself and where I am heading in life.

I sure could use some help right about now…

When nothing ticks you more than that

Edited.

I am actually not in a good mood right now, because of one very idiotic bitch that pissed me off.





I actually deleted the later part of the post because I find it really insensitive to post everything here. She may have hurt my feelings but I shouldn't be hurting hers. Because it'll make me no different from her.



I am learning to change.Till then.



Loves.