Tell me about yourself

So, tell me about yourself.

­            Well... Right from an early age, the dynamics of how the mind worked fascinated me. Throughout my early childhood, I spent most of my time observing and interacting with my playmate, Raj, who had autism. His unusual behaviors and ways of communicating forced me to question the meaning behind his actions. Being an inquisitive child that I was, I soon developed a deeper interest in the aspects of psychology, and how people think, act, react and interacted with each other. I was also curious about how individuals were so different from each other, when in fact, we were all genetically similar. As I grew older, I was naturally drawn towards finding out how emotions and feelings affected our daily lives. The information that I gathered over the years have been useful on a personal level as they provided me with a better understanding on various human stressor factors.

      After completing my GCE ‘O’ Levels Examinations, I enrolled for a Diploma in Early Childhood because interacting with Raj over the years spurred me to become an educator so that children like Raj were equal opportunities to develop and become leaders of tomorrow. The study on Psychology for young children inspired my inquisitive personality as I learned about the different types of disabilities, their causes and diagnosis, as well as the forms of interventions that could aid those with disabilities to ease into society. My thirst for more information grew and after exhausting all my course materials, I turned to other sources of information. I read up the works and experiments of Jean Piaget, B.F Skinner and Sigmund Freud. I opine in Skinner’s views on how positive reinforcement is more effective at changing and establishing behavior than punishment. I also sourced for authors like Torey Hayden who wrote about her experiences when teaching children with special needs.

Upon graduation, I applied for a teaching position in a school for children with special needs, and the experiences provided me with opportunities to gain insights into school environments, working alongside various professionals to nurture children holistically. The opportunities to develop curriculum, implement lessons and design interventions to help children with special needs adapt to the classroom gave me a better understanding of the needs of these children and how I could improve their learning experiences.  Also, my volunteer work mentoring children from underprivileged families continued to widen my knowledge on psychology and personal development. Above all, these experiences enabled me to hone my oratory skills, patience and confidence as I deal with different children, parents, and other stakeholders in the community. The value of meaningful work is definitely abided through volunteer work and improving the life of others, thus sparking my interest in Social Work as well.

Apart from that, my consistent academic achievements and commitments in school are extremely important to me. Throughout the three years in school, I was given numerous opportunities to hone my leadership skills through various projects such as the production of a motivational video for a celebratory event for my peers, and presentations. I was also selected as an ambassador for my school and conducted duties overseeing school events.

Opportunities to lead a team of youths to countries such as Vietnam, Philippines and India as part of overseas study trips and youth expedition projects enabled me to put my theoretical knowledge into practical use as we conducted lessons and contributed to community work to improve the standard of living for our counterparts. These experiences widened my perspectives on social issues such as poverty and it has also invoked in me, a deeper appreciation towards life; to count our blessings.  The valuable life-long learning gained from these trips also inspired me and some friends to start-up a new co-curricular activity in school; “FoodAID”, that is aimed at educating students on the importance of healthy eating, as well as to promote awareness and contributions to the larger society through food-related fundraising events.

In contrast, I also spend my spare time engaging in sports such as volleyball, and have represented my school in National competitions. The intensity of the games and training has taught me about perseverance and teamwork, which are important factors in life so as to stay highly motivated.

Above all, I believe that I am a determined and disciplined individual with realistic goals. I have taken on full and active roles in my school and workplace, I intend on doing the same throughout the rest of my life...

No... Tell me about yourself. The real you.

To start things off, my name is Kethlyn. G. Kethlyn Gayatiri. I hate my name. Well, not all of it. Just the Gayatiri bit. Why? Because it is too common. Okay, the spelling isn't, but the pronunciation of it is. And no, it is not pronounced as ga-ya-ti-ri. It's guy-tree. That's the other reason why I hate it. No one ever gets it right. No one really gets Kethlyn pronounced right either, but I like Kethlyn. 

I am Indian. It took me a while to accept that fact. More like, 21 years and still going kind of 'a while'. It was only recently that I came to the realization that I did not hate the culture or the people belonging to this race. In fact, I love the rich culture; the colours, the food, the music, the joy, the drama! I discovered that the reason why I wasn't proud to call myself an Indian was because of the hate that this race was getting. Indians were the butt of many jokes, and we were often cast as smelly, or that we were rapists, perverts, drunkards, or loud and irresponsible beings. In addition, I lost a lot of opportunities to befriend people once they found out that I was an Indian. It took me some time to realize that these people weren't worth my time. I didn't have to hide away from the fact that I was an Indian, but I still didn't see the need to flaunt it. It might be hard to understand right now, but I just hate being 'catergorized'. After all, we all bleed red, so why do we still segregate people based on their skin, eye and hair colour, or their religions and beliefs?

Despite being an Indian, I look nothing like one, the stereotypical huge eyes, long lashes, and the thick opulent locks of hair. I used to have long wavy locks but I chopped them off because I felt like it. I've had all lengths of hair, really. From long wavy lavish locks, to shoulder length, to dreadlocks, then to a bob, a pixie, and now it's at the disgusting length; it curls in the oddest places, yet it's not long enough to be tied. It's perfect to hide my ears though. They stick out at the ends. They're huge at the same time, so I decorate them with piercings.

I like piercings. And tattoos. And dermal anchors. I don't like branding though and I certainly am not a masochist. I think of my body as a walking canvas; a piece of artwork, or many artworks mashed together. I like art, but I'm not necessarily good at it. However, I like picturing everything I interact with, as a form of artwork. Music is art, so is the sky and the clouds, and birth, and love, and death, and feelings and emotions and rain and evaporation, and the taste of food. Even how the man stacks the cans in the store is a form of art to me. But art isn't just art. Art is anything and everything. But so is music.

I like music, but I don't have a favorite artist. I do however, have playlists built based on the weather, and my mood. On rainy days, I sip hot chocolate and crinkle my toes under the covers as I laze around to the soothing voices of Mogwai, Dido, Adele, John Mayer, Jason Mraz, The Civil Wars, and Colbie Caillat. Sometimes, when I feel like jumping around and getting dizzy from unnecessary headbanging, I load up the playlist of hits by Paramore, Blink-182, Linkin Park, Metallica, and sometimes even Slipknot. At times, I throw myself against the bed and sing my heart out to Taylor Swift and Adele, and slowly build up the walls around my heart with hits by P!nk and Avril Lavigne. There is no specific reason why I feel this way. Sometimes, it's 'just because'. I like saying just because. I think it's a valid reason. Anyways... Who can forget the Oldies? Richie Valens, Elvis Presley, Johnny Cash, Selena Quintanilla, Frank Sinatra, ABBA, Air supply, Cyndi Lauper, Bee Gees, Ray Charles, Phil Collins, Elton John. Oldy but a goody.

I like reading too. And I hope that by now you would've realized that I don't really structure whatever I am typing as opposed to the essays that I write. Reading my blog entry or hearing me speak is similar to watching the release of a million butterflies. I don't even know if that makes any sense, but what I meant to say is that I tend to go into a 'verbal diarrhea' and sputter everything on my mind before the train of thought leaves. Now, where was I? Oh right, books. I don't really know what kind of books I read. Kinokuniya calls them 'Survival Literature'. My mum hates it whenever I read this kind of books, because she thinks that I get too emotionally attached to the characters in the books that I might end up going under depression, or worst, committing suicide. I think its funny that she thinks that way. I get heavily attached to the characters because I feel their pain, but at the same time their stories always motivate me even more. So I don't see how I can ever commit suicide because of such a book. Books are a great way to escape reality. You get to travel, you get live another life, you get to soak up the atmosphere, you breathe and you feel invincible. But you know what gets to me every single time? Flipping the last page of the book, and feeling a sense of longing, as if you've just lost a really close friend. Do you get that sometimes?

On days that I feel that way, I usually curl up in bed all day, or head out to my 'secret havens'. They're usually the airport, or the beach but I like to think of them as hiding places because I watch too much of Peter Pan. I used to think that I could fly away to Neverland, but till this day, he never came to my window. I used to think that I was a princess too, but that clearly isn't happening. In fact I used to think of a lot of things, because as a kid, thinking about all of these and fantasizing about them didn't hurt. In fact it was encouraged because it was a part of my imagination which led up to creativity. But all that has since died, or have been swept under my bed alongside all the dust bunnies. 

Either ways, I'm starting to get bored with this entry. That's the thing about me. I can never retain enough attention to complete a task, before hopping on to the next. That's probably why I'm the last person you should ask out on a study date. . I retained enough attention to pass my exams though, and enough attention to read a book in one sitting, but I guess it all depends on when my body is ready?

I don't necessarily think I'm weird. I like candy, and chocolate, and movies, and ice cream and things, just like anyone else. I also like wearing toe-socks and eating rice using chopsticks. I like to say the word 'fuck' as well. I don't usually curse, but when I do, I say 'fuck' a lot. I also like eating cereals, a lot. A friend of mine once said that I inhale them. That's funny, because I wouldn't want a lucky charm stuck up my nose. When I'm out shopping, I usually pick the second or third item when I'm buying something that's hanging on a rack. I never pick the first, only because I assume that everyone's like me; I always squeeze or crush the contents in first item that is hanging on the rack. I like squishing marshmallows and gummy things too. And I like jabbing my finger into rolls of toilet paper. I like placing my feet on perfect square tiles and if I stepped on a line with my left foot, then I must do so with my right. I am not weird, I just have quirks. I hate being tapped on my shoulder though. And I am ticklish in every spot, and I do mean every spot. 

I believe in everything that is written about an Aries. I am an Aries, and I adore this masculine, stubborn little creature that ram things with his head. I do the same too, which is probably why I get headaches so often. I love looking horoscopes, and palm reading, and fortune telling and everything else that can't be seen with the naked eye. I wish I was a witch, a good witch of course because the bad witch dies in the Wizard of Oz. She was killed with the house. I always wanted the red shoes that Dorothy had, but I never could figure out which outfit would go best with it. It had too much of a bedazzle to it anyways. 

I don't really know what there is left for me to say. That's pretty much me, really. Unless you'd expect me to do into the explicit detail of what I do on a daily basis. No, that's not going to happen.

Now then, why don't you go ahead and tell me about yourself. The real you.

     As you stand by the edge where the surf washes ashore, you become hypnotized by the alluring waves that come crashing against your feet. You stand rooted in one spot, still very much focused on the songs of the sea. The ocean's arms caress you so gently and beg you to become one with the sand. You wriggle your toes and your feet sink into the warmth and grittiness of the sand's touch. The waves knock you off balance every once in a while, but you have gotten the hang of it and with every wave that comes your way, you heave your shoulders, stiffen your body and inhale deeply. You feel anchored.

     That was how I set out to feel, but this is entirely the opposite of how I am feeling this week. Of course, it might be too early to sum up my week since it is only Monday, but so much has happened in this one day that I feel hopeless, guilty even...

An apology

Dear you,

I just wanted to say... I'm sorry.

For all the trouble that I put you through. For the nights that we fought over unnecessary topics. For all the hurtful words that I hurled at you. For all the selfish stunts that I pulled on you. For not understanding you well enough. For all the unhappiness I caused. For wanting to give up. For being such a jerk.

Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made

I am amazed at how far we have gotten in this friendship despite the shit that I have put you through. No one deserves to go through all that stuff, not even you. I know that it is my fault and I know that it is a little too late, but I wish I could go back in time to take away all those memories.

At the start of the friendship, my main goal was to help you feel comfortable with yourself. To let you feel loved and supported, and to see the world through the eyes of another person. However, overtime, I realized that I was doing it all wrong. A friendship was not about changing a person, but rather accepting the person for who he is. But if I was struggling to come to terms with who I was, how was it going to be possible for me to accept others?

For a period of time, I hated myself a whole lot because I was offering you all the support and advice yet I was not even listening to myself. It was as though I was putting on a façade and I was so sick and tired of myself. I realized that it was not a game, and I was in no position to mould or influence you into becoming someone else because I was not any better. I had a ton of insecurities and as I struggled to live my life, the frustrations, pressures and hatred for life just began building up in me, and just when I was about to explode, you got in the way. And for that, I’m sorry.

There may not be much positive memories to this friendship because of the things that I have said and done, but one thing for sure is that you have taught me a whole lot about myself. I was so used to being independent and getting things done my way that I often failed to realize how my actions and words affected the people around me. Again, I’m sorry. You also taught me about perseverance and patience, and forgiveness and as I look back at this friendship, I realized that you were helping me more than I did. Mostly importantly, this friendship and you, reminded me of how much I missed being a kid again.

Truth is, I am envious of you. You've got the looks, the intelligence, the ability to pull anything off, and you've got people who love you and want nothing but the best for you. I just wish you could see all of this for yourself.

"All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and I promise you something great will come out of it"

I don't know what is going to happen in 2012, but I am pretty sure that we will start moving on with our own lives. As such, I'd just want to thank you for being a part of my life in 2011. It was life-changing :)

Celebrating the Dead

I used to think nothing of death. Heck, I was so comfortable with the idea of leaving this Earth, that I messed with the elements of death, all the time. I mean what kind of sixteen year old plans her own funeral and posts it on her blog on her sixteenth birthday? Well, that teenager was me.

I never really gave much thought about death because too many people had left me even before I learned how to pronounce their names. I was just too young and I didn’t know how to feel whenever death came knocking on our doors.

However, as I grew older, I realized that I would tell my friends that death should be in a form of celebration of that person’s existence. Afterall, death is nothing but a transition of existence from one state to another.

That was what I thought then.

The past two weeks or so have provided me with the opportunity to stare death in the eye,  and to be honest, my perception of death has changed. From watching a pigeon commit suicide, to almost getting run down by vehicles, to meeting a drunk stalker in the middle of the night, to having been admitted to a hospital, and to visiting a friend’s loved one in the cemetery.

I would not want to go into details of the other incidents, because the major highlight of my ‘death weeks’ has definitely got to do with the visit to the cemetery.

Before meeting that friend of mine, my thoughts about the visit was that it was going to be peaceful, maybe even enlightening. However, the moment we entered, I started freaking out. A myriad of emotions was running through me as we combed the entire area, finding the right lot. It was quiet and really peaceful except for the cars that drove past us every once in a while. However, I had a really tough time finding peace within me.

I just felt so much pain, and sorrow, guilt, and helplessness…

The feeling of losing someone forever.

The anger of having someone taken away too soon.

The hope that that someone would return. 

However, what tugged at my heartstrings the most was the emptiness of a forgotten soul.

And then I lost it. Flashbacks about the things I said and did to people, thoughts about my family, friends and loved ones. Would their goals be fulfilled before they’re gone? Would I be there when they’re gone? Would they be forgotten? Would I be forgotten? It was something I had to come to terms with. Death was inevitable.

That night I made a little prayer for those I had in mind…

For my dear friend and his grandma. I have never met your grandma, but just by hearing about her enables me to imagine her to being a beautiful and amazing, caring and doting woman. I often tell my friends that we should never shed tears of sorrow or mourn over someone. Instead, we should shed tears of joy for the years that they lived. I am sure she is watching over you and feeling whatever that you are feeling; the joy, sorrow and hatred that you experience daily. We can’t undo the past, but we can pave the future, and that means you have to enjoy, and live your life to the fullest, so that her mind is at ease :)

To my family. We never really got to spend time as a family, but every time we do, we fight. We fight over money, we fight over responsibilities, we vent our frustrations on each other, we curse and we swear, and we say the meanest things to each other. However, I just want all of you to know that I love you guys, and I will never neglect or even forget my role in this family. I can’t possibly turn back time, but I can make changes to the future. I want to be apart of the family again. I want everyone to feel loved, accepted and acknowledged in this family. There are tonnes of changes to be made, but the first change that I would make me starts with me.

To my friends. You guys are a part of my world, my family, my life. And I want you guys to know that I will always be there for all of you, no matter what. I need you guys (you should know who you are) because you guys are my pillar of strength. You have seen the best and worst in me, and words cannot describe ow much I owe you guys, especially for not giving up in me, but picking me up when I was at my lowest. I never want to forget any of you, and I hope that your lives will be showered with the love, security and comfort that you guys have showered on me, tenfold :)

To everyone else. You are not forgotten, and will never be.

Happy Father's Day!

HAPPY FATHERS' DAY!

Dear dad,

            I know that I may not be the nicest child on Earth, and that some of the decisions I make, and the actions I do in life disappoint you. I confess, sometimes, I do these things just so that I can get back at you; for the things that happened then, for the past. However, I realized overtime, that all this is getting me nowhere, and I am through with fighting against you. I used to have so much hatred in me, but I learned that this wrath that I built inside of me is the reason why I am being held back in life.

            I see the effort that you put in to amend things, but I was so childish that I kept digging up the past, being really hot-tempered and stubborn, not willing to forgive or let go. However, this time, I am willing to change. I may not be the cleanest dish in the sink, but I want you to know that from this day on, I want to make you proud; make the family proud of me. I am tired of living of in other people’s shadows, and I am tired of always being the destroyer. I want to let bygones be bygones.

I am sorry that I never considered your feelings.

Your huge and callous hands may not be the comfort that I seek, but these guiding hands were the ones that taught me how to swim, cycle, catch fish, and they also instilled values that I still practice till this very day. I remember of all the hiking and fishing trips, and outdoor adventures that made up a major part of my childhood. I learned so much from those trips, of the general knowledge and skills that I believe not other child had. 

 

Sometimes I wish we could go back to the past.

Nevertheless, I appreciate all the things you and mum have done for me. Because without the both of you, I would not be who I am today, let alone existing. The both of you are the only ones who have watched me grow; from a small young girl into a (big. HAHAHA) independent woman and I hope that my growth and decisions from now on will enable you to be proud of me.

Love,

Kethlyn

Taken from my post in facebook

"    I used to think that change was only possible if I were Miss World, or something along the line. However, I realized that change is possible, and it starts with me. 

     I know that most of you are wondering “what change?”, “who are these people tagged?”, and “why I am even tagged?” Well, you guys all fall under different categories; people who I respect a lot, people who I love dearly, people whom I have lost touch with, and/or people whom I thought I would never hold another conversation with, in this life time. Obviously there is no specific category for everyone, because amidst you guys are some people whom I have not talked to in years, people whom I have never had a disagreement with, and people whom I have never even had a conversation with at all. However, all of you guys are tagged only for reason, and that is, that I am starting on a project and I wish to involve all of you.

     No, don’t worry. It’s not an assessed school assignment, but rather, a personal project. Many of us are often dissatisfied with our lives. I know I am, and thus, I decided to come up with this project. Let’s just put it as a life-changing project involving you and I.   

     Most of you may not know me well enough, but I am, or rather, I was someone whom used to hate the world, the people, and was always out to prove my worth. However, overtime I realized that life is so much more than worrying about the trends in fashion, the hate for others, and even revenge. Because I realized that while I was so caught up with myself, I tend to forget about the people who were there from the start; the people who did not judge or question, the people who trusted me, cared, and supported me. I was oblivious. In fact, I was worse than that. I had a mind of an exaggerated soldier. I hid among the barracks, armed with a machine gun. I not only isolated myself, but pushed everyone away from me, and would shoot at anyone whom I felt was out to hurt me. However, I realized that I was always too quick to jump the gun, hurting the innocent (I know that might sound rather severe, but I couldn’t really think of anything else to better describe what I was going through, so better to have it exaggerated huh :D). That is why I would like to take this opportunity to apologize.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that we got off on a wrong foot. I’m sorry for not be there for you. I’m sorry for not listening. I’m sorry that I was always caught up in trying to prove my worth, that I neglected you. I’m sorry that I am always so caught up with what other people are saying about us. Most importantly, I’m sorry for not holding onto what we had, be it friendship, a bond, a connection. 

That is why I’d like to start over. No more hiding, no more fears, no more aggression, just me, and I hope you’d forgive me and start over too.

Hi, my name is Kethlyn, and I’d like to get to know you all over again.

TCP Camp

This post is long overdue. In fact, it was supposed to be posted on the 20th of October, but look how time flies!

Anyways, on to the more important part, this post is about the Leadership Empowerment camp organized by ROHEI, but held for students who are in The Christieara Programme ( or TCP for short) in Ngee Ann polytechnic.

I would not want to reveal how I managed to get into the programme, but I'd just like to say that if you are in Ngee Ann Polytechnic, but are am not in TCP, then you jolly well should find out more to join in! It is definitely a great platform for you to gain loads of experiences and opportunities to grow and shine!

Now, on to the camp! At the start of the camp, all of us found out that we were sorted into different countries. I belonged to Japan, with fantastic groupmates and a mentor who is showing off her biceps (below)

Initially, I thought that the camp was going to be a really boring one, given that I did not know anyone, and I thought we'd have worksheets to complete, and non-stop lectures by the educators, but boy was I in for a surprize!

The 3D2N event was definitely tonnes of fun, with activities such as the paper bag game, lunch unlimited, cross the moat, and tonnes of sharing sessions were conducted. 

*You can scroll all the way to the end of the post to learn more about the activities that were conducted.

However, what I found really interesting about this organization ROHEI that conducted the camp, was of how open minded they were. Sharing sessions simply involved them sitting down in the lounge with us, with a microphone, and just pouring out the many years of fear, hardship, trauma and sacrifice. Mentors like Nick and Calvin really won me over when they shared about how much they struggled when they were young, and how much faith they had in themselves to continue living. The stories shared by all of them were definitely tear-jerking and made me reflect on my own life, and how little I was putting in to make it better for myself and the people around me.

Apart from that, what I really enjoyed most from this camp was the award ceremony and the little skit that they had done up for us on the last day. Campers Ernest, Calissa and Kris definitely deserved the awards for their selflessness, and remarkable personality, heart and everything else that was positive. 

On a whole, the camp really brought out the best in everyone, and made us deeper thinkers, of who we are and who we want to be.  The activities not only made us work stronger as a team, but it opened up our minds and hearts to other people. It was definitely an emotional roller-coaster for me, but I am glad that I came out to be a much better person than I was before the camp.

On to the games!

Paper bag game

This activity is actually taken from a real-life situation. Each country was considered as a family, and we were migrating to India to start anew. However, with no money, and no lodging, we had to resort to selling paper bags to earn a living.

So the entire activity was pretty much like a simulation, whereby there was a loan shark who would loan us money to buy glue, scissors and newspapers, corrupted officials from the government who would catch us illegal immigrants every time they went for a patrol and would only release them if we bribed them, rent collectors who visited us at intervals, and the shops that gives us money only when our paper bags are of approved quality. 

This activity was the most frustrating of them all because not only were our members imprisoned, but the officials always confiscated our items, leaving us with so desperate that my team had to steal other group's papers, and even formed an alliance with some so salvage whatever that we had. Even though all the groups did horribly, we all managed to learn a couple or two important stuff from this activity. 

Lunch unlimited

All of us were told to draw lots from a mystery box, which had either the letter A, B, or C. I got the letter C, and to be honest, I thought that it was going to be like some sort of Fear factor series. Fortunately, it was not. The three letters were of the three different social statuses, the rich, the average and the poor, and I happened to be in the group that was poor! So while the rich had fine dining, and the average ate out of Bento boxes, the poor people ate bread, on the floor. However, halfway through lunch, people from the other two social statuses started coming over to offer us food, and all of us poor people were actually shockec/surprised/touched! From what seemed like a pathetic meal, all of us were really glad that we were not forgotten and people actually sacrificed their meals for us. An emotional experience indeed. 

Cross the moat

Cross the moat was another frustrating activity because we had to repeat the task over and over again. We were supposed to move from the start to the the end of the river by following the numbers. Sounds simple? Here comes the tricky bit, each number had to have at least one feet, and maximum two feet on it at all times, and we had to move as a team. However, the toughest bit was that the numbers were all jumbled up and we had to really rely on everyone's strength and support to complete the task together., and we had to do this all in silence!  What I learned from this activity was that repetition sometimes enables one to learn from one's mistakes, and to also ignore snide and criticisms and just focus on our task, and not be distracted and too quick to give up. 

Another activity was done using pebbles. Before that, we were tasked to work as a team in a treasure hunt, and from that activity, we were taught about synergy, and how important teamwork is. The example that was used was chopsticks; of how brittle they were as one, but strong and sturdy when a bundle of them were held together. The pebble was then used to signify us. We were told to reflect on ourselves, of how good we really were, and how far we had travelled, and we used the pebbles to store all the untruth, burdens, and things that were hindering us and when we were told to let go of the pebbles, we had to literally let go of all the troubles that we had in us as well.

The skit

This skit was special because all the mentors were involved. They were a bunch of people who wanted to travel overseas but each time they stepped through, the guards would stop them. Even though they tries their hardest to find solutions, they gave up eventually. They couldn't help but deem themselves as failures, cowards, useless, hopeless, and unwanted. Out of the blue, someone came along and provided them with comfort and reassurance, and with a new boost of confidence, they all started believing in themselves again, and managed to pass through the guards.

It might not sound as touching as it actually is, so you've got to see it to actually believe and feel it.

Lastly, during our last sharing session, one of the campers shared something really meaningful. He said something like "when we are proud, we bring our wall up against people, but if we bend over to help, we form a bridge. So why can't form a bridge and help each other cross over together".

I am not exaggerating when I say that this camp is life changing. It really is. I do hope that many other youths would get to experience this and enjoy it as much as I have.

To end this post, here is a quotation:

Being vulnerable doesn't have to be threatening. Just have the courage to be sincere, open and honest. This opens the door to deeper communication all around. It creates self-empowerment and the kind of connections with others we all want in life. Speaking from the heart frees us from the secrets that burden us. These secrets are what make us sick or fearful. Speaking truth helps you get clarity on your real heart directives.-- Sara Paddison

Till then

So it started with a passion, then it turned into hatred

Writing has been a part of me ever since I could hold a pencil. I just love to write, whether it is in a form of pen on paper or in a computer program. Writing to me, is like a form of healing. It allows me to escape from reality, leaving all the tension, hurt and pain behind, but sometimes, it is because of all these feelings deep inside of me that I am able to write better.

My dad has friends who are professional writers, and when I asked them what one had to have in order to be just like them, many of them said that one had to have a bag of emotions or research, and a capful of imagination. Well, I have emotions, everyone has them, and research was easy since we had internet. So my only problem was imagination. I never pictured myself as someone who could put my own imagination to good use. Yeah, I could form cloud bunnies, doodle and make up names for the monsters under my bed, but I just could not create stories with twists, a sense of humour or at the very least, with a frog prince. I wanted stories that mattered. However, the more demoralized I got about being a writer, the more I began to realize that writing had many forms and the one that I enjoyed most was not about the stories that I could create, but of rewriting the stories that I had already lived in. By writing down the things that I have experienced, I not only get to relive my happy and satisfying moments, but to also reflect and improve on myself whenever I check back and re-read on them.

Sometimes people tell me that I do not write like an eighteen year old or that I am too young to exaggerate my hate on the world. Well, all I can say is that from how my mum lived her childhood, from the news on the television, from the things I see with my very own eyes, I cannot help but conclude that the world is a nasty place. It is difficult, painful, complicated and ugly. Why? Because we lose the people we love dearly and also get hurt by them. We get judged based on our race, clothes, gender and size. Status is determined by the amount of money and power one has. However, the nastiest part of the world is of how hungry humans have become. No, I am not talking about the hungry children in third world countries. I am actually talking about those who ravenously feed on the latest scandal and gossips.

Our world is losing all the beautiful things that we once had. We rattle non-stop about love affairs, rapes and abuse, yet we hesitate about forwarding that email about an act of decency. What is this world turning into? It sickens me to realize how the crude and vulgar are more widely accepted through the internet, gossip, and television, as compared to the act of decency, love and humanity. We are pathetic. So how can I not hate the world?