2012

Every year, on this very day, at around this time, I close my eyes. I close my eyes and I take a deep breath and as I do so, I open up my mind and heart as all the memories for the past year flash before me. Just like any other year, 2011 was a tortuous journey; a battled filled with ups and downs, joy and sadness, tears and laughter. There were countless of times when I wished that I could turn back, to take back the days that never happened, devastating tragedies and meaningless afternoons that I let pass, opportunities that I missed. But  most importantly, I wished that I could to turn back time to relive the glorious moments that can never occur again. 

It was in this year that I decided to live without regrets, living life day by day so that every second that I invested in something or someone, was made meaningful. This was also the year that I promised myself that I would find happiness, and even though I am still at a loss of what I want in my life, I found a better person in me. To many, it might seem like a small issue, but to me, it is one heck of a glorious victory for this year. Not only have I experienced a myriad of emotions and everything in between, but I also was given the opportunity to meet wonderful people who have changed and shaped my life positively, and they are the ones reading this right now.

I am grateful for all that I have, and I am pretty sure that I will be welcoming 2012 as a better person that I am today. I hope that 2011 was as life-changing for you, as it was for me. Let's make 2012 our year :)

TCP Camp

This post is long overdue. In fact, it was supposed to be posted on the 20th of October, but look how time flies!

Anyways, on to the more important part, this post is about the Leadership Empowerment camp organized by ROHEI, but held for students who are in The Christieara Programme ( or TCP for short) in Ngee Ann polytechnic.

I would not want to reveal how I managed to get into the programme, but I'd just like to say that if you are in Ngee Ann Polytechnic, but are am not in TCP, then you jolly well should find out more to join in! It is definitely a great platform for you to gain loads of experiences and opportunities to grow and shine!

Now, on to the camp! At the start of the camp, all of us found out that we were sorted into different countries. I belonged to Japan, with fantastic groupmates and a mentor who is showing off her biceps (below)

Initially, I thought that the camp was going to be a really boring one, given that I did not know anyone, and I thought we'd have worksheets to complete, and non-stop lectures by the educators, but boy was I in for a surprize!

The 3D2N event was definitely tonnes of fun, with activities such as the paper bag game, lunch unlimited, cross the moat, and tonnes of sharing sessions were conducted. 

*You can scroll all the way to the end of the post to learn more about the activities that were conducted.

However, what I found really interesting about this organization ROHEI that conducted the camp, was of how open minded they were. Sharing sessions simply involved them sitting down in the lounge with us, with a microphone, and just pouring out the many years of fear, hardship, trauma and sacrifice. Mentors like Nick and Calvin really won me over when they shared about how much they struggled when they were young, and how much faith they had in themselves to continue living. The stories shared by all of them were definitely tear-jerking and made me reflect on my own life, and how little I was putting in to make it better for myself and the people around me.

Apart from that, what I really enjoyed most from this camp was the award ceremony and the little skit that they had done up for us on the last day. Campers Ernest, Calissa and Kris definitely deserved the awards for their selflessness, and remarkable personality, heart and everything else that was positive. 

On a whole, the camp really brought out the best in everyone, and made us deeper thinkers, of who we are and who we want to be.  The activities not only made us work stronger as a team, but it opened up our minds and hearts to other people. It was definitely an emotional roller-coaster for me, but I am glad that I came out to be a much better person than I was before the camp.

On to the games!

Paper bag game

This activity is actually taken from a real-life situation. Each country was considered as a family, and we were migrating to India to start anew. However, with no money, and no lodging, we had to resort to selling paper bags to earn a living.

So the entire activity was pretty much like a simulation, whereby there was a loan shark who would loan us money to buy glue, scissors and newspapers, corrupted officials from the government who would catch us illegal immigrants every time they went for a patrol and would only release them if we bribed them, rent collectors who visited us at intervals, and the shops that gives us money only when our paper bags are of approved quality. 

This activity was the most frustrating of them all because not only were our members imprisoned, but the officials always confiscated our items, leaving us with so desperate that my team had to steal other group's papers, and even formed an alliance with some so salvage whatever that we had. Even though all the groups did horribly, we all managed to learn a couple or two important stuff from this activity. 

Lunch unlimited

All of us were told to draw lots from a mystery box, which had either the letter A, B, or C. I got the letter C, and to be honest, I thought that it was going to be like some sort of Fear factor series. Fortunately, it was not. The three letters were of the three different social statuses, the rich, the average and the poor, and I happened to be in the group that was poor! So while the rich had fine dining, and the average ate out of Bento boxes, the poor people ate bread, on the floor. However, halfway through lunch, people from the other two social statuses started coming over to offer us food, and all of us poor people were actually shockec/surprised/touched! From what seemed like a pathetic meal, all of us were really glad that we were not forgotten and people actually sacrificed their meals for us. An emotional experience indeed. 

Cross the moat

Cross the moat was another frustrating activity because we had to repeat the task over and over again. We were supposed to move from the start to the the end of the river by following the numbers. Sounds simple? Here comes the tricky bit, each number had to have at least one feet, and maximum two feet on it at all times, and we had to move as a team. However, the toughest bit was that the numbers were all jumbled up and we had to really rely on everyone's strength and support to complete the task together., and we had to do this all in silence!  What I learned from this activity was that repetition sometimes enables one to learn from one's mistakes, and to also ignore snide and criticisms and just focus on our task, and not be distracted and too quick to give up. 

Another activity was done using pebbles. Before that, we were tasked to work as a team in a treasure hunt, and from that activity, we were taught about synergy, and how important teamwork is. The example that was used was chopsticks; of how brittle they were as one, but strong and sturdy when a bundle of them were held together. The pebble was then used to signify us. We were told to reflect on ourselves, of how good we really were, and how far we had travelled, and we used the pebbles to store all the untruth, burdens, and things that were hindering us and when we were told to let go of the pebbles, we had to literally let go of all the troubles that we had in us as well.

The skit

This skit was special because all the mentors were involved. They were a bunch of people who wanted to travel overseas but each time they stepped through, the guards would stop them. Even though they tries their hardest to find solutions, they gave up eventually. They couldn't help but deem themselves as failures, cowards, useless, hopeless, and unwanted. Out of the blue, someone came along and provided them with comfort and reassurance, and with a new boost of confidence, they all started believing in themselves again, and managed to pass through the guards.

It might not sound as touching as it actually is, so you've got to see it to actually believe and feel it.

Lastly, during our last sharing session, one of the campers shared something really meaningful. He said something like "when we are proud, we bring our wall up against people, but if we bend over to help, we form a bridge. So why can't form a bridge and help each other cross over together".

I am not exaggerating when I say that this camp is life changing. It really is. I do hope that many other youths would get to experience this and enjoy it as much as I have.

To end this post, here is a quotation:

Being vulnerable doesn't have to be threatening. Just have the courage to be sincere, open and honest. This opens the door to deeper communication all around. It creates self-empowerment and the kind of connections with others we all want in life. Speaking from the heart frees us from the secrets that burden us. These secrets are what make us sick or fearful. Speaking truth helps you get clarity on your real heart directives.-- Sara Paddison

Till then

So it started with a passion, then it turned into hatred

Writing has been a part of me ever since I could hold a pencil. I just love to write, whether it is in a form of pen on paper or in a computer program. Writing to me, is like a form of healing. It allows me to escape from reality, leaving all the tension, hurt and pain behind, but sometimes, it is because of all these feelings deep inside of me that I am able to write better.

My dad has friends who are professional writers, and when I asked them what one had to have in order to be just like them, many of them said that one had to have a bag of emotions or research, and a capful of imagination. Well, I have emotions, everyone has them, and research was easy since we had internet. So my only problem was imagination. I never pictured myself as someone who could put my own imagination to good use. Yeah, I could form cloud bunnies, doodle and make up names for the monsters under my bed, but I just could not create stories with twists, a sense of humour or at the very least, with a frog prince. I wanted stories that mattered. However, the more demoralized I got about being a writer, the more I began to realize that writing had many forms and the one that I enjoyed most was not about the stories that I could create, but of rewriting the stories that I had already lived in. By writing down the things that I have experienced, I not only get to relive my happy and satisfying moments, but to also reflect and improve on myself whenever I check back and re-read on them.

Sometimes people tell me that I do not write like an eighteen year old or that I am too young to exaggerate my hate on the world. Well, all I can say is that from how my mum lived her childhood, from the news on the television, from the things I see with my very own eyes, I cannot help but conclude that the world is a nasty place. It is difficult, painful, complicated and ugly. Why? Because we lose the people we love dearly and also get hurt by them. We get judged based on our race, clothes, gender and size. Status is determined by the amount of money and power one has. However, the nastiest part of the world is of how hungry humans have become. No, I am not talking about the hungry children in third world countries. I am actually talking about those who ravenously feed on the latest scandal and gossips.

Our world is losing all the beautiful things that we once had. We rattle non-stop about love affairs, rapes and abuse, yet we hesitate about forwarding that email about an act of decency. What is this world turning into? It sickens me to realize how the crude and vulgar are more widely accepted through the internet, gossip, and television, as compared to the act of decency, love and humanity. We are pathetic. So how can I not hate the world?