2012

Every year, on this very day, at around this time, I close my eyes. I close my eyes and I take a deep breath and as I do so, I open up my mind and heart as all the memories for the past year flash before me. Just like any other year, 2011 was a tortuous journey; a battled filled with ups and downs, joy and sadness, tears and laughter. There were countless of times when I wished that I could turn back, to take back the days that never happened, devastating tragedies and meaningless afternoons that I let pass, opportunities that I missed. But  most importantly, I wished that I could to turn back time to relive the glorious moments that can never occur again. 

It was in this year that I decided to live without regrets, living life day by day so that every second that I invested in something or someone, was made meaningful. This was also the year that I promised myself that I would find happiness, and even though I am still at a loss of what I want in my life, I found a better person in me. To many, it might seem like a small issue, but to me, it is one heck of a glorious victory for this year. Not only have I experienced a myriad of emotions and everything in between, but I also was given the opportunity to meet wonderful people who have changed and shaped my life positively, and they are the ones reading this right now.

I am grateful for all that I have, and I am pretty sure that I will be welcoming 2012 as a better person that I am today. I hope that 2011 was as life-changing for you, as it was for me. Let's make 2012 our year :)

Celebrating the Dead

I used to think nothing of death. Heck, I was so comfortable with the idea of leaving this Earth, that I messed with the elements of death, all the time. I mean what kind of sixteen year old plans her own funeral and posts it on her blog on her sixteenth birthday? Well, that teenager was me.

I never really gave much thought about death because too many people had left me even before I learned how to pronounce their names. I was just too young and I didn’t know how to feel whenever death came knocking on our doors.

However, as I grew older, I realized that I would tell my friends that death should be in a form of celebration of that person’s existence. Afterall, death is nothing but a transition of existence from one state to another.

That was what I thought then.

The past two weeks or so have provided me with the opportunity to stare death in the eye,  and to be honest, my perception of death has changed. From watching a pigeon commit suicide, to almost getting run down by vehicles, to meeting a drunk stalker in the middle of the night, to having been admitted to a hospital, and to visiting a friend’s loved one in the cemetery.

I would not want to go into details of the other incidents, because the major highlight of my ‘death weeks’ has definitely got to do with the visit to the cemetery.

Before meeting that friend of mine, my thoughts about the visit was that it was going to be peaceful, maybe even enlightening. However, the moment we entered, I started freaking out. A myriad of emotions was running through me as we combed the entire area, finding the right lot. It was quiet and really peaceful except for the cars that drove past us every once in a while. However, I had a really tough time finding peace within me.

I just felt so much pain, and sorrow, guilt, and helplessness…

The feeling of losing someone forever.

The anger of having someone taken away too soon.

The hope that that someone would return. 

However, what tugged at my heartstrings the most was the emptiness of a forgotten soul.

And then I lost it. Flashbacks about the things I said and did to people, thoughts about my family, friends and loved ones. Would their goals be fulfilled before they’re gone? Would I be there when they’re gone? Would they be forgotten? Would I be forgotten? It was something I had to come to terms with. Death was inevitable.

That night I made a little prayer for those I had in mind…

For my dear friend and his grandma. I have never met your grandma, but just by hearing about her enables me to imagine her to being a beautiful and amazing, caring and doting woman. I often tell my friends that we should never shed tears of sorrow or mourn over someone. Instead, we should shed tears of joy for the years that they lived. I am sure she is watching over you and feeling whatever that you are feeling; the joy, sorrow and hatred that you experience daily. We can’t undo the past, but we can pave the future, and that means you have to enjoy, and live your life to the fullest, so that her mind is at ease :)

To my family. We never really got to spend time as a family, but every time we do, we fight. We fight over money, we fight over responsibilities, we vent our frustrations on each other, we curse and we swear, and we say the meanest things to each other. However, I just want all of you to know that I love you guys, and I will never neglect or even forget my role in this family. I can’t possibly turn back time, but I can make changes to the future. I want to be apart of the family again. I want everyone to feel loved, accepted and acknowledged in this family. There are tonnes of changes to be made, but the first change that I would make me starts with me.

To my friends. You guys are a part of my world, my family, my life. And I want you guys to know that I will always be there for all of you, no matter what. I need you guys (you should know who you are) because you guys are my pillar of strength. You have seen the best and worst in me, and words cannot describe ow much I owe you guys, especially for not giving up in me, but picking me up when I was at my lowest. I never want to forget any of you, and I hope that your lives will be showered with the love, security and comfort that you guys have showered on me, tenfold :)

To everyone else. You are not forgotten, and will never be.

Awkward

Every year, around this time, I feel like a little mouse(it's just an example) that is lost in the huge world. It seems as though this month has estranged me from the world, from people especially. I feel all self-conscious and quiver at the sight of someone trying to fathom my motives whenever I was in a shop.


Okay, so maybe all that was an exaggeration, but I do feel nervous whenever the thought of having to leave home to get stuff invades my mind. Why feel nervous only during this time? Well, in case you guys didn't know, 'this time' actually refers to the fasting month, or rather Ramadhan.


It's uncomfortable whenever the fasting month comes around. You see, I'm not a Muslim nor do I fast, but I do look like one (fortunately or unfortunately. In this case, slightly towards the latter). Don't get me wrong, I'm no racist, nor do I have an issue with the Muslim community or any sort. I just have an issue with all the assuming that going on, and being accused of something that I'm not.


I don't want to sound all negative (and I'm not accusing all Muslims to being judgmental) but I'm really sick and tired of being stared at, as though I'm a spawn of Satan, whenever I go into MacDonald's to buy myself an ice cream sundae.


I bet most of you would go "Aiyah, just eat lah. Care for what... You not Malay, so no need to worry about eating in public".


Well, apparently, that's where you're wrong. When I tried to heed that advice a couple of years ago, I was smacked by an old lady with her umbrella for eating ice cream at a bus-stop. Despite the many attempts to explain that I was not a Muslim, all I got back was a nasty glare by those at the bus stop, and a few curses from the old lady. Being hit for nothing when I'm the innocent party.


And then there were the countless times where annoyed staffs decided to confront or rather interrogate me as to why I'm not fasting and still had the nerve to order food in public. Not only would I get bad service, but they'd also shake their heads as they dismiss my reason as a lame excuse.

I can't eat, drink or buy food whenever it's not time for break fast. I don't intend on hanging my I.C around my neck wherever I go, but I don't think it's fair for people like me to be held back from ordering food just because we look like a Muslim.


Stop assuming and go live your own life.

Observations

The 10th of August had marked the end of a 4 month experiment that I had carried out. An experiment so deadly that it could cost me my status or even Life. Okay, maybe not to that extreme.

So what the heck am I talking about? Well, as I blew out the candles on my birthday cake, I made a wish to carry out an experiment for four months (why four? No idea either, it just happened to pop into my head at that moment).

The experiment was something simple, yet required a whole lot out of me.



So what was this simple confidential experiment? I simply gave myself the task to observe.

Friends (especially Shera) often find it distracting to talk to me because I'm rarely looking at her most of the time. Instead, my eyes would be wandering about, looking at the people, things or environment around her. She once mentioned that she picked up my 'style' of observing people and could soon tell if I was really paying attention or not. However, she often end up turning around to look at what I'm looking before continuing her 'story'. We'd end up giggling at something else or because we forgot what we were talking about.

There were also friends (like Syuh) who wouldn't mind spending hours with me, sitting and then side tracking by look or rather, observing the things around us.

Don't get me wrong, I love listening to people. But it's seldom the conversation that I pay close attention to. Sometimes, I can't help but to observe the person's body language, style of speaking and every other thing of that person. My attention would not even be on the person, but someone or something else. That was how easily distracted I could be.

It may seem weird, but it has become a habit to me. I love observing things around me and I felt that it was going to be a tough journey for me in Poly, and so on that very night of my birthday, I wished to carry out the experiment in a whole new environment.

The task was very simple. All I had to do was to shut my trap and pay more close attention to the environment around me. I was serious about this experiment and tried my best to keep quiet and act blur/lost when people badmouthed me or even dissed me to my face.

The outcome of this experiment?

I got to really see who were the real assholes around me. When you silently watch someone, his/her motives and intentions become so clear to you that would've hit yourself in the head for being that blind in the first place, and I wasn't only talking about class/school mates, but rather, everyone around me whether they were strangers or not.

During these four months:

I got to see the beauty and the ugly side of our society (not trying to be political or anything).

I realized that if I took the train to Jurong East every Wednesday, I would bump (not literally) into this lady that always seems to enter the same cabin as the other times that she boarded the train.

I bumped (again not literally) or could bump into Terrence Kian when I took the train back after my Field Practicum Attachment.

I've seen this well dressed man with huge Indian, gorgeous brown eyes for at least 1 dozen times in Bus 61.

I'm disappointed to see that elderly were giving up their seats for other people, while the youngsters still continued to 'pretend to sleep' or simply ignore the fact that everyone was staring at them.

I blew bubbles out of my window and watched the rain burst them one by one.

I noticed that everyone moves to the other side of the train upon entering the cabin, rather than moving to the center as mentioned by whoever-that-person-is on the speakers.

I noticed that every working person looked gloomy, while girls were giggly, and guys were drowned by their head banging music when in the train.

I watched how insane or rather, 'kiasu' people were when boarding the train/bus. Gone were the days when we lined up and gave way to those in line. Now, everyone pushes each other, and some even had the cheek to cut the line, pretend that nothing happened, only to laugh it off with their friends later. Pffft...

I managed to strike random conversations with people (Mr. Patrick being one of them).

I watched how a group of adolescence sneak in their drinks in the train, and happily drink away, despite the stares from the crowd.

I've just had enough with idiots who lean on the grab poles in the MRT.

I received comments that majority of my classmates thought that I was scary. Maybe I still am.

I noticed an inch of nose hair sticking out of this man that was standing right infront of me in a packed train. It was disturbing but soon became revolting when he lifted his sweaty, hairy armpit (he was wearing a sleeveless top) grab the handle bar above my head, thus exposing it directly to my face.

I was stuck in a train with an elderly man whom I thinked soiled himself. It was really rude for the other passengers to begin pinching their noses, fanning themselves, and to the extreme, some even sprayed their perfumes in the train, just to show how intolerable the smell was.

I realized that my mother can pick a fight with anyone, anywhere, any time. I was in the train with her and she confronted and even lectured about 4 inconsiderate people (the irritating twit type, the one with huge prams and block the way, not willing to fold their prams even though it was empty, the type that swings their hair about, not caring who's beside or behind them, etc... You get my drift?). She even went up to a saleswoman with a bag without the pricetag and said this "Hello, is this free? There isn't a pricetag on it, so I thought it must be free. Is it free then?". Such hilarious sarcasm.

I noticed that people stare at you and look away nervously when you catch their stare. But if you were to smile at them, they would actually smile back.

It became obvious to me that many were talking about me. It wouldn't be that obvious if you didn't keep pointing to your chin, or literally bend yourself to a side to look at my tattoo.

I found out that people still do judge by first impressions and it's really hard to have them kick it aside. Therefore, I have made more enemies with my looks than ever. And the funny thing was, I never said a word.

I noticed that hummingbirds do visit my mum's plants by the corridor to get the nectar.

I noted that the 'charcoal train' comes by Admiralty station between 3.20 to 4.00am.

I've squished on the wet grass after a heavy downpour and felt the difference when it was a sunny day. People stared at me, but it felt good to squish about barefooted.

I realized that my dog Junior isn't only afraid of thunders, but every other sudden loud noise.

I also found out how the beads on my bag had gone missing, and where Junior always took my soft toys to.


I found out that assholes get really high in the head when you simply nod to their 'commands' rahter than voice your opinions. They then begin bullying you by pushing the entire workload to you. This observation was an exception because I had to make a move or be doomed as a slave. When confronted and showed my 'garang-ness', people like this either 'apologise' and say that they weren't aware, or they simply say that I should've voiced it out in the first place. So people, NEVER STAY SILENT especially when it comes to workload.


I also found out that there are assholes out there who treat you like trash, badmouthing you and even treating you like an invisible object because they think that you're afraid of them, thus keeping quiet to yourself.

But I also found out that there are also really helpful people who volunteer to help you out when they see that you're all quiet. They feel that you're lost and don't want to trouble anyone, and feel that it is only right for them to help you out.


I realized that behaviour, character, habits and thoughts can be influenced. What do I mean by that? Just take this time to reflect on someone that is close to you. I bet she/he influenced you to listen to her/his type of music. You also begin imitating unconsciously, the habits of that particular person, be it the way she/he types, speaks, etc... And I'm pretty sure you share more than one common interest with that person.



Lastly, I realized that the world isn't really about me anymore.



Till then.

Random Updates

This is not a sympathetic post.

A quick update on my life.


This week was pretty much a downside for me.





The 'highlight' of the week that left me downhearted would have to be the event on Thursday. I would not be revealing the details as to what happened exactly nor would I be revealing who were involved. In fact, I myself am not sure who were involved, other than myself of course.


What was so bad that it nearly brought me to tears? Well, let me just give a brief description of it (yes, the influence of presentations and summaries.).


I was practically defamed by a group of 'Seniors'.

I was criticized from head to toe. Nothing was left untouched. I was criticized for pretending to be really good at this certain skill when I am actually not. The remarks of not having any friends in this certain organization seemed amusing to them. Apparently I was trying to hard to have the 'look' that I was pretty fake to them (dry fit and FBT shorts were attacked too). Even my shoe was criticized, because they felt that I did not deserve to wear such shoes which was only for certain skilled people.


And you know what was damn bloody irritating? They tried chasing me away from where I was sitting, by constantly stepping back from their spot, to where I was sitting. So much that I had to shift myself away.







What was agonizing was not only the fact that I was sitting alone the entire time while they critiqued me, but also because none of them knew me at all, needless to say my name, background and capabilities, and yet i was rudely mocked at, for something they assumed was true, which in actual fact, is not at all.


But what was funny was that, they actually were conversing in Mandarin, and thinking that I was a Non-Chinese, they rattled away, critiquing me till they could not find anything else on me to pick on.


The start of Thursday had already been a bad day, and I did not need any more issues added. But I guess I have a strong magnetic field to it, and this happened. Frustrated, I couldn't help but 'replay' all the bad stuff that happened ( I have this habit of replaying scenes, be it good or bad.) on that very Thursday. As much as I tried to stay strong, (it's sickening sometimes to have never ending issues, both at home and in school. And worst if you're not able to help or even solve it. This does not apply to simply obstacles. And of course, everyone has obstacles in their life, that's just part and parcel of Life, right?) I couldn't help but blink away the tears because I did not want to raise the white flag.







Yes, the average human's instant reaction would be: "@#$%&*, screw them all!", followed by stomping off with your bag.

But you know what, I stayed on. No, not because I am stupid. But because I live for passion and for nothing else. Why should I let myself be demoralized and avoid something that I love, just because of immature imbeciles like them?

At the very least, I got to know how people think of me by my first impression. And if the morning 'events' hadn't ruined my day, I would have even chuckled with them, adding on that I looked disastrous with my unkempt hair and hole in my lip (I took out my lip stud because I didn't want to risk having my lips torn). And it would have been an epic moment to see their shocked faces, that the person that they were talking about actually understood what they were saying!



Yes, I do regret not doing that. Doesn't it just suck sometimes when you've done something, and after thinking it over, you wished you reacted differently?


But anyhow, I can't be bothered anymore. Because the matter was brought up during their debriefing (yes, I complained. I was in the whine-y, child-like mood. And the watery eyes made things easier, but more attention seeking-like for me. I just couldn't help it.).


And of course, this matter would not have been solved if not for Fann, Ina, Gina, Janice (all of them were there to comfort, encourage and support me as to not give up) and this other guy (which I have no idea what his name is).


And I'm doing pretty fine now. In fact, I find it amusing.



It was hilarious recalling how I reacted to it. In fact, the entire scene was funny. They should submit this scenario to FMyLife. Purely Epic.

It should go something like this :

"My friends and I were making fun of this girl while standing infront of her. She looked like a Malay, so we babbled on and on in Mandarin. We criticized every single detail about her, from head to toe. Nothing was left untouched. We had a blast, and we spoke superbly loud because we knew that she did not understand us. But halfway through the training, she actually spoke in Mandarin, and after training, our 'leader' confronted us with this issue. F*ck Our Lives."


Putting all these aside (retarded imbeciles shall not be acknowledged. Don't you agree?), the rest of the week was pretty okay. I had attachment on Tuesday, and boy, was the kids lovely!


School work is piling up, I seriously need to strategise and plan my daily time-table properly. If not, I'll land back to where I was during the Prelims; Pathetic.




I'll end here for now. Remember people, the next time you wish to bad-mouth someone, don't do it infront of that person lah.







Loves.

Family Day Out

Just a quick update before I head out to my Aunt's place.


Week 2 of school has been pretty much like a roller coaster ride. One moment you're having the time of your life, making friends and enjoying class. And the next thing you know, you're in for a thrill, stressing out with the load of projects, making enemies with team mates who are uncooperative, and trying to make ends meet for every single thing.

But on the bright side, my class is pretty awesome. There are really great lecturers that are so lenient that they willingly extend the datelines for us, and also help us out in the projects and class work. Then there are the awesome hyper classmates that make fun of every single thing, even of going to the extend of making a full out of themselves.


Enough about that...


I have a post that is saved in 'Drafts', where it is about my interpretation on the word 'Home'. I've been working on it for a long time (well, not really. More like between classes) because I couldn't find any "ooomph" to end it off nicely. But I'll definitely try to complete it over the weekends, so that there is at least a proper update from me! Hahah.


Speaking of 'Home', I love the bus rides to and from school. Mainly because it can make or break your day. What do I mean? Well, having to be stuck in a jam while on the way to school, being squeezed in the train with tonnes of people that would rather cram into the cabins than to let others out, and then having to miss the bus by a couple of seconds, would break your day, wouldn't it?






I would admit that all these mentioned above have indeed happened to me in the last two weeks. But I've actually gotten so used to it, that I can help but chuckle to myself as I push my way through the maze of humans in the crammed train cabin, run madly for the bus and then give up halfway because it left without me, and definitely when I happen to step/trip on someone's foot while in a hurry to do something.

I'm not clumsy, you see, I'm just oblivious.


But what I want to highlight in this post is not about the tragedy or battle to school, but rather, the humour of it.


What am I talking about?

Well, let's just say I saw a really tall man trying to get into his Mr. Bean car, and then pulling his seat all the way to the back so that there is room for his legs.






And then I saw a car that had this signed put up "Please tailgate me. I need the money." I wonder what the other car drivers are thinking when they were behind this car while being on the road.

And lastly, I saw a woman eating a bowl of noodles in the car. Literally with a ceramic bowl, chopsticks and a bowl of noodle with soup!





Talk about desperate measures to eat!



Well, that's it for now. I'm having a BBQ with my maternal family. Can you imagine having a BBQ from 3pm till night? It's going to be a looooong and crazy night.



Till then!



Loves.

Random Updates

If you've been reading my blog for a long time, you'd realized that 'random updates' is not my 'style' of blogging. And ironically enough, the latest posts have been filled with nothing but posts with 'Random Updates'. And not to forget this post as well.


But don't get me wrong. It's not that I've decided to change my "style" of blogging whatsoever. In fact, I've been on the "blogger" page every single day. I'm on it in the Library; I'm on it in IT class (even though I'm not supposed to); and I'm even on it when I'm at home. But every time I hit the "Create" tab, I do nothing but stare blankly at it for a really long time.






I wouldn't say that I have nothing to blog about. In fact, there shouldn't even be the phrase "I have nothing to blog abou" because with the help of the internet, we can learn and share so many things off of it. And I do have tonnes of things to blog about. But the actual reason for the delay is that I just couldn't find the right "mood" to fit everything in.


To me, blogging isn't about simply placing word into this space, but rather, adding knowledge, proper structures, quotes, pictures, videos and maybe even showing some other websites here. I feel that it takes a lot of time and effort just to put up a simple post.

I know that there isn't a lot of people reading this blog, and I know most of you would be thinking "wah lao, waste time and effort loh. No one read, then still make so nice for what".


Well, that's where I'm different. Whether there are people reading this or not, I blog (most of the time) for myself. I share opinions and things that I learned because I simply love sharing. I don't live by the phrase "Anyhow do lah" just because no one is reading it.


I'm not a perfectionist at all. All I want is for my blog to reflect my personality. You know, as a kid, when you look into a kaleidoscope, and am mesmerized by the beautiful designs and vibrant colours that you instantaneously feel this vibe of relaxation yet am intrigued because you don't know what to expect next?









Yes, that is how I want my Life and personality to be. And at the same time, I want my blog contents to leave and impression as how a Kaleidoscope leaves an impression to us when we were kids.



Anyway, enough about that, more on to the random updates. In case you're wondering, I'm actually having a pretty awesome time in Poly. My class actually turned out to be not so bad, and if I could, I would take back all the 'not-so-good' impressions of them. Sometimes we do have bad impressions of others just by how they look or behave. But once you get to know them, you'll realize that they're pretty alright. As I said many times in this blog, it's assumptions that fuel an arguement, and it's assumptions that ruin the friendship.


My class, despite all of us being Freshmens, is pretty united. We go to lunch together as a class and we even from lectures to lectures as a class. There are some "outstanding" enthusiastic ones in class and I must say, their sense of humour is the "Bitchy Sarcastic" humour, the type I live for. Hahaha. But my class is pretty great because no one is in cliques and we all get along well enough to joke around at any random stuff, even if it's about some random thing that makde no sense at all. You know what I mean.


And I can't stop boasting about my timetable. Hahah.. We onyl have 5 modules this Semester, and only 2 modules are examinable! This is the shizz. But that doesn't mean we should slack lah.


Well, before I end, I just want to congratulate all those in the Polytechnics. Congrats because you survived a week of PolyLife! I hope it'll be awesome for you guys, and I wish you all the best!



And I need to find people who read Perez/fmylife and so on in my Polytechnic. Apparently none of my classmates read them and I feel so deprived. Oh well...


Love.

Random Updates

A while ago, I told a friend that I found it sickening that almost everyone was getting excited and hyped up about orientation and for poly life to start. Indeed, like most people, he was not able to see through my feelings about not being excited for school. But I don't blame him.


I don't blame any of you who have tried your way in trying to make me see things in a positive, optimistic way.

True enough, poly life would end our torture of uniforms, high socks and 'coconut' foreheads. And not forgetting that we would be able to experience a whole new adventure, of having to meet people from all walks of life, from different part of Singapore, instead of sticking to the buddies you had in secondary school. And who would not look forward to new teaching styles, with high-tech gadgets and laptops. And with attendances checked against your school id card instead of your teaching screaming your name at the front of the class, waiting for you to respond back with a 'Present/Here!'. And then there are the awesome facilities to use; gym, swimming pool, library and whatsoever. And the best of all? You get to pick new, 'better' CCAs than the lame/common ones you had in secondary school.


In fact, I wish to apologize to whoever who have tried to change my mindset by making me think of "happy thoughts" rather than thoughts that piss the optimism out of people. Doesn't it just piss you off that I'm like that? Hahah, it actually makes me happy though, because I see things from a different perspective than others.

True enough, pessimistic views are not necessarily the right way to go. But hey, when there's people who see the glass as half full, you need to have others who see the glass as half empty. That way, the Earth will continue revolving.

But sorry if my pessimistic views influence you into doing the same. That's the last thing that I want right now.


Why am I so hard against myself and poly life? I actually don't know... Maybe I'm depressed or something. But then again, maybe it's just one of those moments where I can't be bothered about what's ahead of me, but rather, what's right infront of me.


I doubt this post would make any sense to any of you. But then again, this blog is like a journal to me, and so sometimes it's filled with 'emotional' posts that make no sense but what it does is that it relieves the stress out of me.


Can you feel how monotonous this post is?


I know most of you have had a blast at your orientation camp, so don't bother telling me about it. Because deep down, I feel like kicking you. How was mine? Well, I didn't attend mine because I didn't want to be sent to "Judgment Day" that soon. But I did attend the "Induction Programme" which was supposed to be compulsory but held no importance in the speeches (in terms of important lectures stuffs to take note) other than the motivational speech given by Mr Kenny Low, founder of Chec and O'School.








Why am I still so uninspired to talk about the "Induction Programme"? Well, it's because I did not enjoy it. True enough it was pretty exciting having to sit there and watch all the slides of poly life unleashing it's powers on the students, and the students going overseas and taking part in various activities.


But what made me fed up the most?


Well, first, Ash and I are not in the same class. I was actually looking forward to working with him in projects so that we could prove to the others that we are the ones to look out for, rather than to be looked down at.


Why am I so mean against the rest despite not knowing them yet? Well, you should have seen the number of stares Ash and I got when we were there. We were looked down with so much disdain in their eyes that we felt pretty loser-ish there. You don't have to speak to someone to know what he/she is thinking, you can see it in their expression. And from how we saw them looking at us, we were surely not welcomed.


Maybe it's because Ash is a guy and it's pretty rare for guys to be in this course. I don't think so, I think it's because of my lip piercing and dressing. They think I'd make voodoo dolls out of the kids than to take care of them.



And you know what's the most sickening bit? It's that there was these two girls who actually made a bet with each other to guess which course Ash was in, ECH or CPEE. And when Ash said he was in ECH, the girl smacked her friend, saying 'See, I told you'.


Hello, like WTF?


But then again, it doesn't really matter to me. Because this just show that people are just freakin' judgmental based on other people's looks. Piercings and tattoos are still not accepted in the society. But if I have to, I want to make a difference to that statement. Watch me, I will.



And Ash, we may be in different classes but fret not, we'll rise to the top man! Time will tell as to who are the great ones and who aren't. And to me, our names are written in all over the word 'Success'. We shall wow them and sting them so hard on their faces, that Botox won't work I tell you.




All that aside, I'm actually thinking of getting dreadlocks again.






Yes, that's me.

Death

Have you ever been curious about Death? I know I have.







As a kid, I always wondered what happened to the goldfish that was flushed down the toilet bowl. Where did it go?







What happened to my dog when it was sent away to be incinerated? What happened to my grandmas and grandpas, aunt and even my pets mice?

Do they know that they are dead? Are their souls still lingering around? Or did they, like some religions say, went through reincarnation?


I used to think that death only happened to:


a) unfortunate people who were turned into sleeping beauty, only to never find their Prince/Princess to kiss them back to Life.



and b) actors in scenes where they were slayed by a Vampire/ eaten by a wolf/ shot by a cowboy while in the midst of a Cowboy Duel/ eaten by Anacondas,huge scary spiders and crocodiles / killed by Freddie Krueger and Jason.








But over the years, I realize how realistic Death is. It could happen to anyone. People overdosing on drugs, family and friends in car accidents, and even innocent ones dying from terrorist attacks.


Sometimes Death takes people, loved ones away from us without us being able to bid farewell, or even spend time with them. Death of one make Life for others bitter because of the unfairness that someone had to be taken away so soon.


And because of what this and what we learned from the History Classes, we become fearful of Death. As kids, we ate our veggies because mommy says it is good for us. We take extra precautions when crossing the road, looking right, left, then right again. We work out in the gym, swallow a vitamin pill or two, take jabs, and even turn away from alcohol and tobacco because we know that it is not good for our health, which brings us closer to Death.



But sooner or later, our bodies would give way, because we were not made to last forever. True enough, medicine, products of aesthetics and even exercise could delay the time Death comes knocking on our door. CPR, respirators, transplant and all sorts of scientific devices may bring us back to Life. But no one can ever escape Death.



It's pressurizing to not know when your time is up, because there's always things that you've not done before and wish to try it before you leave your body. No one is ready for Death because we don't know what Death is like. And we can never find out, because those that have been through it, are not around to share it with us.



So what exactly is Death? There are various tales about Death and the Afterlife from various religions. But which one is the truest one of all? Some say that afterlife depended on one's religion. I'm a free thinker, so where do I go after dying?



Only time will tell.




The curiosity about Death is apparently driving me nuts. There seem to be so much conspiracy (or so I thought) in it. I am actually curious to know what Death and the afterlife brings, but I fear that if I were to meet death in the eye, everything would end in a puff (too quick), with me not remembering a single thing of it.



So I guess, like everyone, I have to wait till the Grim Reaper chases after me.








Till then.




If you're just as curious as me about Death, Click Here!



Loves.