The 10th of August had marked the end of a 4 month experiment that I had carried out. An experiment so deadly that it could cost me my status or even Life. Okay, maybe not to that extreme.
So what the heck am I talking about? Well, as I blew out the candles on my birthday cake, I made a wish to carry out an experiment for four months (why four? No idea either, it just happened to pop into my head at that moment).
The experiment was something simple, yet required a whole lot out of me.
So what was this simple confidential experiment? I simply gave myself the task to observe.
Friends (especially Shera) often find it distracting to talk to me because I'm rarely looking at her most of the time. Instead, my eyes would be wandering about, looking at the people, things or environment around her. She once mentioned that she picked up my 'style' of observing people and could soon tell if I was really paying attention or not. However, she often end up turning around to look at what I'm looking before continuing her 'story'. We'd end up giggling at something else or because we forgot what we were talking about.
There were also friends (like Syuh) who wouldn't mind spending hours with me, sitting and then side tracking by look or rather, observing the things around us.
Don't get me wrong, I love listening to people. But it's seldom the conversation that I pay close attention to. Sometimes, I can't help but to observe the person's body language, style of speaking and every other thing of that person. My attention would not even be on the person, but someone or something else. That was how easily distracted I could be.
It may seem weird, but it has become a habit to me. I love observing things around me and I felt that it was going to be a tough journey for me in Poly, and so on that very night of my birthday, I wished to carry out the experiment in a whole new environment.
The task was very simple. All I had to do was to shut my trap and pay more close attention to the environment around me. I was serious about this experiment and tried my best to keep quiet and act blur/lost when people badmouthed me or even dissed me to my face.
The outcome of this experiment?
I got to really see who were the real assholes around me. When you silently watch someone, his/her motives and intentions become so clear to you that would've hit yourself in the head for being that blind in the first place, and I wasn't only talking about class/school mates, but rather, everyone around me whether they were strangers or not.
During these four months:
I got to see the beauty and the ugly side of our society (not trying to be political or anything).
I realized that if I took the train to Jurong East every Wednesday, I would bump (not literally) into this lady that always seems to enter the same cabin as the other times that she boarded the train.
I bumped (again not literally) or could bump into Terrence Kian when I took the train back after my Field Practicum Attachment.
I've seen this well dressed man with huge Indian, gorgeous brown eyes for at least 1 dozen times in Bus 61.
I'm disappointed to see that elderly were giving up their seats for other people, while the youngsters still continued to 'pretend to sleep' or simply ignore the fact that everyone was staring at them.
I blew bubbles out of my window and watched the rain burst them one by one.
I noticed that everyone moves to the other side of the train upon entering the cabin, rather than moving to the center as mentioned by whoever-that-person-is on the speakers.
I noticed that every working person looked gloomy, while girls were giggly, and guys were drowned by their head banging music when in the train.
I watched how insane or rather, 'kiasu' people were when boarding the train/bus. Gone were the days when we lined up and gave way to those in line. Now, everyone pushes each other, and some even had the cheek to cut the line, pretend that nothing happened, only to laugh it off with their friends later. Pffft...
I managed to strike random conversations with people (Mr. Patrick being one of them).
I watched how a group of adolescence sneak in their drinks in the train, and happily drink away, despite the stares from the crowd.
I've just had enough with idiots who lean on the grab poles in the MRT.
I received comments that majority of my classmates thought that I was scary. Maybe I still am.
I noticed an inch of nose hair sticking out of this man that was standing right infront of me in a packed train. It was disturbing but soon became revolting when he lifted his sweaty, hairy armpit (he was wearing a sleeveless top) grab the handle bar above my head, thus exposing it directly to my face.
I was stuck in a train with an elderly man whom I thinked soiled himself. It was really rude for the other passengers to begin pinching their noses, fanning themselves, and to the extreme, some even sprayed their perfumes in the train, just to show how intolerable the smell was.
I realized that my mother can pick a fight with anyone, anywhere, any time. I was in the train with her and she confronted and even lectured about 4 inconsiderate people (the irritating twit type, the one with huge prams and block the way, not willing to fold their prams even though it was empty, the type that swings their hair about, not caring who's beside or behind them, etc... You get my drift?). She even went up to a saleswoman with a bag without the pricetag and said this "Hello, is this free? There isn't a pricetag on it, so I thought it must be free. Is it free then?". Such hilarious sarcasm.
I noticed that people stare at you and look away nervously when you catch their stare. But if you were to smile at them, they would actually smile back.
It became obvious to me that many were talking about me. It wouldn't be that obvious if you didn't keep pointing to your chin, or literally bend yourself to a side to look at my tattoo.
I found out that people still do judge by first impressions and it's really hard to have them kick it aside. Therefore, I have made more enemies with my looks than ever. And the funny thing was, I never said a word.
I noticed that hummingbirds do visit my mum's plants by the corridor to get the nectar.
I noted that the 'charcoal train' comes by Admiralty station between 3.20 to 4.00am.
I've squished on the wet grass after a heavy downpour and felt the difference when it was a sunny day. People stared at me, but it felt good to squish about barefooted.
I realized that my dog Junior isn't only afraid of thunders, but every other sudden loud noise.
I also found out how the beads on my bag had gone missing, and where Junior always took my soft toys to.
I found out that assholes get really high in the head when you simply nod to their 'commands' rahter than voice your opinions. They then begin bullying you by pushing the entire workload to you. This observation was an exception because I had to make a move or be doomed as a slave. When confronted and showed my 'garang-ness', people like this either 'apologise' and say that they weren't aware, or they simply say that I should've voiced it out in the first place. So people, NEVER STAY SILENT especially when it comes to workload.
I also found out that there are assholes out there who treat you like trash, badmouthing you and even treating you like an invisible object because they think that you're afraid of them, thus keeping quiet to yourself.
But I also found out that there are also really helpful people who volunteer to help you out when they see that you're all quiet. They feel that you're lost and don't want to trouble anyone, and feel that it is only right for them to help you out.
I realized that behaviour, character, habits and thoughts can be influenced. What do I mean by that? Just take this time to reflect on someone that is close to you. I bet she/he influenced you to listen to her/his type of music. You also begin imitating unconsciously, the habits of that particular person, be it the way she/he types, speaks, etc... And I'm pretty sure you share more than one common interest with that person.
Lastly, I realized that the world isn't really about me anymore.
When was the last time you actually took a deep breath of fresh air?
I believe that a breath of fresh air not only keeps you alive, but it also tells you that you're alive. And apart from that, it reminds you that just like water, breathing/air is just as important for our survival.
What I am trying to drive at isn't actually entirely about breathing. In actual fact, what I am trying to portray, is how breathing can impact one's Life. Let's just put aside all the scientific terms shall we?
Breathing to me is not only about acknowledging my existence, but it is also a tool which allows me to take deep breaths every few minutes to relax.
Now it may seem like a ridiculous excuse to let loose, but trust me. A few deep breaths a day, maybe even adding a little zoning out, may do you some good. I am still in the midst of this project. But I must say, it has made me see things in a much positive way. Of course, not positive thatlah.
Just a couple of days ago, my mum and I were lazing around, looking at the clouds in my room when she suddenly brought up a topic.
"If you could be anything, anything at all, what would you be?"
I know that this might sounds like a common topic to bring up among friends, but trust me, it's really hard to find the right answer that you'll be satisfied with.
She related one such situation when she asked her friend the same question, and the friend's answer was really odd. Well, at least to me. Because she wanted to be a Princess.
Literally a Princess or one that she dreams to be, with crowns, thrones, royalty, Prince Charming, a palace and lots of gold, or in a bed made out of money.
Both my mum and I found it pretty odd to want a life of someone in the limelight. Because, being a Princess, not only does one have to be dressed and speak proper, you're practically stripped from having a 'Normal Life'.
We then talked about our choices, and we listed all the animals we wanted to be. We were practically sick of the "Human" world, and so both of us thought that it'd be interesting to be an animal.
As usual, we picked our favourite animals, but it pretty much ended with us wanted to be something that was able to fly. My mum preferred to be a butterfly for birds are shot at and hunted for, and she'd rather lay her eggs, her kids, and then die, like all insects do.
That was when I thought of the Eagle.
Whenever I meet someone who asks about my goals in Life, they end up pretty much saying the same thing, and that is to 'Soar like an Eagle'. Everyone wants to be like an Eagle, a majestic creature that rules the sky.
But little do they know of how much suffering the eagle has to go through in order to soar through the skies every single year.
This story was first shared by the great people when I attended Adam Khoo's ''I'm Gifted, So Are You!" workshop, and I have heard/watched many clips online.
They mentioned of that every eagle has to make a very important decision; to live, or to die. It's because at about the age of 40, the eagle physical condition is so bad, its talons lose flexibility and are unable to secure a proper grip on the prey, the beak becomes dull and to bent, and the feathers are so thick and heavy that it disrupts the eagle's ability to fly well.
It then flies to its nest, way up in the mountains, and begin this torturous 5 month rejuvenating process where it knocks off its beak by hitting it against the rocks over and over again. Then it plucks out its talons and lastly, its feathers, one by one. This is so that the eagle can "regrow" the removed parts in order to survive another 30 years.
Torturing isn't it?
Well, you're actually in for a surprise. Because......
Whatever that I said earlier about the eagle, it's all a MYTH(I just so happened to check it out on the net a couple of days ago). In fact, there had been so many viewers wondering about the process of the eagle, that the University of Minnesota's Raptor Center and The American Bald Eagle Information Website have both responded to this issue.
And no, I'm not saying that Adam Khoo's workshop or the clips are bogus. In fact, the clip is quite true when it applies to us, humans, than to the eagles. Because it shows that in order to live on and be successful in the near future, one has to be able to let go of the past and move on. Or as how the saying goes "In Order To Rebuild, You Must First Tear Down".
And that my friends, is an important lesson to learn.
As for what I want to be if I ever get the chance to, I'd like to be The One who controls everything that happens on Earth (I'm not allowed to say His name for I do not have a religion and may be doomed to burn in Hell). It would be fine even if it were to be for a day. I would just like to reshuffle some things, here and there.
I am no pro when in comes to blogging, but I for one feel that those who blog about their personal grieves, are the emptiest of the lot. Not only am I pointing to those who blog, but also to those who whine (pretty ironic, since I'm the one with the whiney URL) about their lives.
You see, we often assume that Life is about suffering. We are so engrossed in trying to gain fame and wealth in order to survive, that we pretty much lose sight of the main goal, in other words, forgetting what we were here for.
So why are we fighting so hard to survive? It's because we want to live in comfort, being able to witness all the wondrous things around us, that makes us not only tolerate the hardship, but to enjoy Life as well.
Life isn't about the fame, the fortune nor the knowledge. It is the ability to use these 'tools' to make our lives better, to make the people around us happier, and to make the world a better place for all of us.
Working and even studying without a purpose, is like laying in your coffin, waiting for death to leech the life out of you. Why wait to for death to arrive miserably when you can fill the numbered (just that we are not sure of the numbers yet) days with enriching, enlightening and wonderful thoughts and activities?
No man should be judged by his wealth or knowledge, but how he is able to hide his misery from the world with a simple weapon; his smile. It's people like him that I look up to, and wonder whether he can teach me a lesson or two about Life.
'Happiness' can not be bought, nor can it be sold. No books, websites or any other resources can teach you about happiness. They can share scenarios and stories where people experience happiness. But nothing can teach you how to achieve happiness.
So how do you gain happiness? Well, it all depends on yourself. The joy you feel when you achieve something, the emptiness inside when you're alone, fear and heartbreak alike, are part and parcel to your steps towards happiness. Happiness is found deep within your soul. And it's only when you are able to find the strength to overcome your 'issues' then you will find happiness.
It is often said that 'Life is too short', but scratch that, for Life is the longest stretch of days, hours, minutes and seconds that I know of. So don't be afraid to stand up to what you believe in. Your life is your own, and it shouldn't be mapped out by others.
Your rule, your game, your time.
As easy as it may sound, happiness is not going to willingly fall into your arms. So search within yourself and find a truer, deeper meaning to your Life.
My brother just introduced this programme called "Def Jam Poetry" on Youtube. It's really interesting because it's about people who say put their opinions, truth, their lives and experiences in the form of poetry.
Here's the ones that I like alot. Enjoy!
Mc Lyte talks about her ups and downs in her Life and career.
Shihan - Sick and Tired
Love Poem
The Gift
Stinky Breath
This one is pretty funny.
Nothing is for Nothing
Well there are definitely more to see and hear. If you are interested, you can Click Here!
Throughout our entire Life, we tend to be confused and begin judging on the Great One, God. Some people believe that worshipping God, is the only way for peace, enlightenment, protection and Love. With a religion, people tend to be more inspired and determined in Life.
The christians have their Bible, the Muslims have their Quran, and the Buddhists and Hindus have their sanskrits. I'm an Atheist, so what do I turn to for inspiration?
Well, I turn to Books.
When I'm not out in the Sun playing sports, nor in school studying, I'll be at home, being a bookworm. Yes, A BookWorm.
I love reading Autobiographies of people as well as books that can change not only the writer's Life, the people involved, but also the reader's Life. And the five books that I love the most are Chicken Soup for the Soul and Books by Mitch Albom.
You can find a whole range of Chicken Soup for the Soul books Here
I love reading Chicken Soup for the Soul because not only are the short stories capture your attention, they have a deeper meaning towards Life, and is accompanied by a short meaningful phrase at the beginning.
The two books from Chicken Soup that I liked the most were, Chicken Soup for the Cat and Dog lovers (Reason being that I'm an animal lover) and Chicken Soup for the Teens soul (Reason being that I'm still a teen).
I guess these books catered to my every need, want and attention. It gave me answers that I didn't know were possible to get. It helped me to get over my grief of my dead dogs, and also answer the childish adolescence doubts that I had.
The other books, Tuesdays with Morrie, 5 people you meet in heaven and For one more Day, actually served as an eye-opener to me, to not only find deeper meaning to Life, but accompany the rest of your Life with forgiveness, joy and giving.
You can read more of the three books Here,Here&Here
The books by Mitch Albom can make you all emotional with the stories, feeling both guilt of your past, and determination to make your future better. It teaches you the valuable Lessons in Life that can change your future.
