So it started with a passion, then it turned into hatred

Writing has been a part of me ever since I could hold a pencil. I just love to write, whether it is in a form of pen on paper or in a computer program. Writing to me, is like a form of healing. It allows me to escape from reality, leaving all the tension, hurt and pain behind, but sometimes, it is because of all these feelings deep inside of me that I am able to write better.

My dad has friends who are professional writers, and when I asked them what one had to have in order to be just like them, many of them said that one had to have a bag of emotions or research, and a capful of imagination. Well, I have emotions, everyone has them, and research was easy since we had internet. So my only problem was imagination. I never pictured myself as someone who could put my own imagination to good use. Yeah, I could form cloud bunnies, doodle and make up names for the monsters under my bed, but I just could not create stories with twists, a sense of humour or at the very least, with a frog prince. I wanted stories that mattered. However, the more demoralized I got about being a writer, the more I began to realize that writing had many forms and the one that I enjoyed most was not about the stories that I could create, but of rewriting the stories that I had already lived in. By writing down the things that I have experienced, I not only get to relive my happy and satisfying moments, but to also reflect and improve on myself whenever I check back and re-read on them.

Sometimes people tell me that I do not write like an eighteen year old or that I am too young to exaggerate my hate on the world. Well, all I can say is that from how my mum lived her childhood, from the news on the television, from the things I see with my very own eyes, I cannot help but conclude that the world is a nasty place. It is difficult, painful, complicated and ugly. Why? Because we lose the people we love dearly and also get hurt by them. We get judged based on our race, clothes, gender and size. Status is determined by the amount of money and power one has. However, the nastiest part of the world is of how hungry humans have become. No, I am not talking about the hungry children in third world countries. I am actually talking about those who ravenously feed on the latest scandal and gossips.

Our world is losing all the beautiful things that we once had. We rattle non-stop about love affairs, rapes and abuse, yet we hesitate about forwarding that email about an act of decency. What is this world turning into? It sickens me to realize how the crude and vulgar are more widely accepted through the internet, gossip, and television, as compared to the act of decency, love and humanity. We are pathetic. So how can I not hate the world?

Think before you speak

Not too long ago, a lecturer of mine handed an article to each of my classmates and I. The article was about making judgments and assumptions. As most of you would know, assumptions are beliefs or ideas that we feel hold some truth behind it, but it is usually supported by little or no evidence at all. Making assumptions of jumping to conclusions was not my cup of tea, and I suppose, anyone else, and so, I was growing more and more annoyed with the article which constantly brought up the topic of us being so oblivious to the fact that we were making assumptions of almost everyone and everything around us.

I wondered: Are we REALLY that oblivious?

As I continued reading, I came across the picture that was placed in the middle of the article. it was a picture of a family, but it was an odd picture. There was a kid who was sitting in a corner of the room, a lady draped in cloth, and a man looking at the lady. Immediately, thoughts started racing through my mind.

Was the child abandoned? Why was he looking so sad? Something bad must've happened.
Why was the lady draped in cloth? Is she a model? Or was she trying to be seductive?
What about the man? Why was he staring at the lady?

At the very moment, I snapped back to reality and to tell you the truth, I wanted to bitch slap myself hard. Just a few moments ago, I was being in denial, telling myself that only ignorant people were the ones who made judgments and assumptions without actually verifying the information. And here I was, making up my own tale of who did what and so on.

I was such a fool

It was then that I realized that what the article said was true, that we were so used to making assumptions and passing judgments, that we sometimes fail to notice that we are actually doing it.

Just take this for example:

You're walking around in a park, when you spot a gorgeous lady (whether you're a guy or a girl) and you immediately assume that a) she's taken b) She's rich and is high maintenance or c) She's too stuck-up. So you continue walking, ignoring her.

Then up ahead, you notice a group of guys charging towards you. You look around, panic, and then realize that they weren't after you, nor were they trying to run you over. They actually separated or diverted directions to avoid bumping into you.

And what about that old man with the young hot babe? Either she's after his cash or he's a perv. Am I right?


Even when you're driving, you assume that the other drivers on the road would follow the traffic and speed limit, and even direction so as to avoid collisions. But in this case, your assumptions are right most of the time. But when it's wrong, it can become deathly.

In conclusion? Stop making freakin' assumptions of everyone and everything, or else...

It'll make an ass out of you and me, because ASSUME is after all ASS+U+ME.

Till then.


Loves.

Looking back

It may be a little late to wish everyone a happy new year since we are already 17 days into it, but I guess it wouldn't hurt, would it?

So here's wishing you guys A Happy New Year.

Well, I'm not really good with the well wishes because I don't really believe in them, so let us just skip that part.


Anyways, 2009 has been an awesome year for me, though I did struggle a little in school. In fact, it was actually one of the better years that I had in a long time.

Well, let's do a little track back, shall we? You see, 2005 was the year I struggled in secondary school, with having gotten suspension on the very first day itself. 2006 was the year where I was constantly 'fighting' with my teacher. Then came 2007, where I found out that the teacher who was teaching me for the past two years, was going to be my teacher again. Great.. It was also the year that my dearest pet, Shandy passed away. Moving on from that, 2008 soon came and it was the year I struggled with my studies. I was in the 'defiant - I don't need to study' mood and happened to only passed 2 subjects for Preliminary, but miraculously sailed through my 'O's, with tonnes of wake up calls and hard work of course. 2008 was soon over, and finally 2009 came.

I actually had high hopes for a new beginning in 2009 as I thought that going to the polytechnic would mean that I would be better exposed to more people, and I assumed that they would be more open-minded and easier to blend with. However, assumptions always make an ass out of us. I'm not saying that everyone I meet is difficult to hang with, but it actually took a really long time before people stopped assuming that I was someone scary, fierce or whatevs...

And it is actually because of this that I managed to find my identity and found ways to help me to stay true to myself. One of the major help was during the tat2 convention 2009. Well, it may seem like a very odd place to find my identity, but I did, and with the help of the people who attended the convention.


During the three short days that I was there, I managed to strike conversations with pastors, teachers, police officers, and even principals who were all covered in ink and piercings. What I found interesting was not the fact that they had tattoos and piercings, and were holding high statuses, but the fact that they managed to compromise and find a solution to keep their interest and their career going, without having any interference between the two.

Most of them were not from Singapore, but I managed to talk to one of the principals there and I asked about her tattoos and what she do if her students found out about her tattoo, and if it were not contradicting to have a tattoo, yet be in a career that should not support this type of art.

Her answer was simple but it made a lot of sense to me. She said: Why not? Tattoos and piercings are considered to me. I'm a principal and I do wear short sleeves, so I don't have tattoos inked on my arms. But I do have them on my back, my legs and anywhere that can be covered. It is difficult to have tattoos and be in this career because people still assume that tattoos and piercings would mean that you are in a gang. But no one should give up their interest or passion just for the sake of what others think. In fact, we should educate them and try to win them over, to convince them that tattoos and piercings are no harm. But at the same time, as a principal, I try to encourage my students to not go against their parents wishes or get a tattoo randomly because it stays for life. But at the same time, why not expose the kids to a newer generation of art? It's no harm done.


Those were the words that I remember vividly from the conversation. And from this, I realized that I did not have to give up on my interest of the extremes just because I'm in this field. All I have to do, is to be smart positioning and modifying myself, and in using my words to convince, but if all else fails, I still have to be me and do whatever I want to because no one should stop me from doing it. Because after all, I'm living my life, not them.


So yeah, 2009 was an identity crisis for me, but I managed to find it back, and even managed to have a blast through 2010. Well, it's the start of it, and unfortunately, it is not going as smoothly as I thought it would be, with school and home especially...


But let's just hope that all these bad stuff would clear off as we move in to Chinese New Year. Good food, good company, oh did I say good food?

Till then,
Loves.

To the ones I think about daily

Hello you.

If you're reading this, that means you've been trying to keep track with my life, and I do appreciate that. I have been thinking about you too, yes, every single one of you.

I know that I haven't been around for any of you guys for this past year, and I guess I haven't had any good reasons other than "I'm busy". I know it is the worst and lamest excuse, but hear me out okay?


School Life hasn't been the best for me and it's been pretty hard settling down too. I'm still not used to the class time slots, and most definitely the assignments that are back to back (till now, assignments are still up my ass). Truth is, I'm still not used to any of this.


But I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to those whom I haven't met in a long while.
I'm sorry to those whom I've met empty promises too, often telling them that we'll meet up soon but we never do.
I'm sorry to those whom I've left hanging in MSN conversations.
I'm sorry to those whom I've not spend enough time with.
I'm sorry to those who only get earful of my problems but get no attention in return.
I'm sorry to those whose meet-ups I've canceled time and again.

I'm sorry.



Believe me when I say that I feel disgusted and disappointed with myself. I feel guilty and the fear of losing you guys haunts me every single day.


Losing you guys is pretty much like losing pieces of me.


But I just want you to know that I do care about you guys and though I may not be physically present or available, I'm always rooting for you guys in my heart, and as the saying goes, I'm always a call away.


Okay, enough of the mushy-ness.




Kthxbye.

Can you hear me?

I used to think that teachers, lecturers and educators alike were only people who came into our lives to teach, and do nothing else. However, I was proved wrong by my Primary one (she was with me till primary six. Always checking up on me), three (both of them), four and five teachers (yeah, Primary school life was pretty awesome for me). And not to forget, one of my lecturers in this course that I am attending.

They not only taught me the right from wrong, but strengthened on my values and beliefs, and gave me a whole new picture to expect out of Life. They made me want to be just like them, for the things they do (whether they're proud of it or not) inspire and motivate me. They believed in my dreams and most importantly, believed in me.

They were more than teachers to me. They were able to relate to the things that I was feeling and going through, and could simply read off of me without me having to say a single word. Some may feel that parents are ones who shape up a child, for they are like guardians and pillars of support. These teachers to me, are like the many guardians and pillars of support in my life.


However, unlike parents, teachers aren't there to accompany you as you grow and mature. But the funny thing is, their words will always stay in your head.

Children as Advertisers

As most of you would know, my attachment days for this semester are on Wednesdays. Usually, it would be the most dreaded day as each attachment lasted four to five hours, and for someone like me, that meant hell.


However, something struck me one day as I was making my way for attachment. I figured that I could have been more positive, or at least look at things on a brighter side so that things wouldn't be so awkward for me every Wednesday. So I decided to go with the flow, do my own thing, and try to be as comfortable as possible, and by that, I meant doodling, more doodling, observing, goofing around and making fun of people and things by myself.

Whaaat?

Anyways, just a couple of weeks ago, something interesting happened. I was doing the usual stuff, interacting with the kids, doodling, folding some origami for some of them when one of the students came up to me. I wasn't really paying attention to her, so she waved at me with something in her hands.


Upon taking a closer look, I realized that there were two cards in her hands, literally business cards. She shoved both of them to my face and grabbed a seat beside me to explain that they were her parents'. "If your car is spoilt, you can go find my daddy. But if your spectacle spoil, you can find my mummy".


What I found intriguing about this situation isn't the fact that it proves one of early childhood's researcher's theory right, but rather, the amazement of how such a naive little girl was actually trying to boost business for her parents by advertising for them. And I wasn't the only one who received the cards. Teachers, and other staffs received it as well with the same speech given by the child.


Simply amazing. The once naive, innocent and blur type of child I once was, is totally not evident in this generation.


Sooner or later, kids might even start running agencies to sell houses. Who knows?

Regrets

Just a week ago, a lady came knocking on my door. My brother, Jason (who was having his dinner) attended to her while I was somewhere around the house (I can't really remember). After awhile, I came out to see the lady walk away from our door with a disgruntled look on her face. I asked Jason what she was selling and he said that it was a really small bag that was charged at $10 for one.

Obviously it was a rip-off, but soon after he was done with his dinner, he actually ran all the way down to buy the bag from her. Before I could say anything, he told me to he knows what I'm thinking; that I wanted to chide him for wasting money as the only reason why he bought the bag because the lady was pretty-looking, but then, he told me the actual reason as to why he bought the bag.

He felt guilty.


What on Earth did she do to him that made him feel guilty?

Well, I soon found out from him that the lady was selling the bags to collect funds for the victims of the recent hurricane and quake victims. How can he not donate and don't feel guilty about it when it is after all, for a good cause?


I wasn't surprised at what Jason did, because after all, he is that kind of person who believes in doing good for others.


There have been many other occasions where he, despite being extremely tired from work, would help out in completing stuff (won't go into the details), constantly repeating that "If I don't help, who will?" or "we are after all a family. What's the point in hating him when everyone else hates him too?".


I guess the last point really makes sense, be it to our family, friends, etc...


How can we hate someone when they are already hated by everyone else. Wouldn't that make us like everyone else too?


I guess you should know where I'm heading this blog entry to, to my classmates of course. I know this is totally not the right way to 'advertise' our class issues, but I'm not literally saying that this is an issue that is only between us classmates. In fact, it's to everyone else that's been judging everyone else.


Do you remember how we always told ourselves to not judge a book by its cover, yet every time we failed to do so? Take Susan Boyle for example. Everyone clearly thought she was a waste of time, but the moment she opened her mouth, she became a star. And it was only after she proved her worth, that we began reminding ourselves to not judge a book by its cover.


That phrase isn't supposed and should never work as a 'reflecting' phrase that we recite only once things are over. We should never judge a book by its cover, that should be a reminder BEFORE we do anything, be it make decisions or pass judgment.


The same goes to our classmates, or friends, or even strangers. Sometimes, we can't help but make them as the butt of our jokes, but how would you feel if you were them?


I'd like to apologize to these people, because I too have been a fool as I thought that I was no where like them, but I was wrong because everyone was judging me too.


But I'd like to salute these people for their undying determination to stay true to themselves.


Come on people, look at yourself. The main reason why you speak like how you do or dress like how you are, like everyone else is because you are afraid of standing out or being weird.

I don't really think anyone's weird here, because we always term these "outcasts" as weird, but face it. Who's the weird one, that have clones of yourself all over the place? Decency doesn't really come from your dressing, but your character, that's what I think.


Okay, I'm not going to pick a fight with anyone. What I'm trying to say is that everyone is unique in their own special way and they should stay true to themselves. No one needs to change or give anyone else an explanation for their trends and character. That's how the way they are, and we should accept them for who they are. You never know the type of shit they've been through to literally judge them.

I guess CDEV class changed my perception of things.


On the other hand, what should change is people's perspective and judgment of other people. Instead of siding the majority, why not pay a little attention to the minors for a minute eh?


I'm not saying I'm been the innocent one throughout because I'm not, but I'm willing to learn to change my perspective.


So here's an apology to these people, and a rock on to them too, for being awesome and staying true to themselves.


And here's an open invitation to everyone. Let's just stop judging and chill out yeah? I'm up for some picnic, games and jumbled group discussions. Now who's with me?


If we just keep hating everyone, nothing's gonna work.



Loves.

Awkward

Every year, around this time, I feel like a little mouse(it's just an example) that is lost in the huge world. It seems as though this month has estranged me from the world, from people especially. I feel all self-conscious and quiver at the sight of someone trying to fathom my motives whenever I was in a shop.


Okay, so maybe all that was an exaggeration, but I do feel nervous whenever the thought of having to leave home to get stuff invades my mind. Why feel nervous only during this time? Well, in case you guys didn't know, 'this time' actually refers to the fasting month, or rather Ramadhan.


It's uncomfortable whenever the fasting month comes around. You see, I'm not a Muslim nor do I fast, but I do look like one (fortunately or unfortunately. In this case, slightly towards the latter). Don't get me wrong, I'm no racist, nor do I have an issue with the Muslim community or any sort. I just have an issue with all the assuming that going on, and being accused of something that I'm not.


I don't want to sound all negative (and I'm not accusing all Muslims to being judgmental) but I'm really sick and tired of being stared at, as though I'm a spawn of Satan, whenever I go into MacDonald's to buy myself an ice cream sundae.


I bet most of you would go "Aiyah, just eat lah. Care for what... You not Malay, so no need to worry about eating in public".


Well, apparently, that's where you're wrong. When I tried to heed that advice a couple of years ago, I was smacked by an old lady with her umbrella for eating ice cream at a bus-stop. Despite the many attempts to explain that I was not a Muslim, all I got back was a nasty glare by those at the bus stop, and a few curses from the old lady. Being hit for nothing when I'm the innocent party.


And then there were the countless times where annoyed staffs decided to confront or rather interrogate me as to why I'm not fasting and still had the nerve to order food in public. Not only would I get bad service, but they'd also shake their heads as they dismiss my reason as a lame excuse.

I can't eat, drink or buy food whenever it's not time for break fast. I don't intend on hanging my I.C around my neck wherever I go, but I don't think it's fair for people like me to be held back from ordering food just because we look like a Muslim.


Stop assuming and go live your own life.

A.S.A.P

People at my age are often labeled as 'the generation who is much close to technology than to their parents'. But if you take a step close to look, are we really the tech-savvy generation?


Well, some of us may be. It has almost become a normal routine for us to check our Facebook for updates, Twitter for new tweets, gossip blogs, email, and Youtube so much we have to be reminded to eat our meals instead of the other way round. We get the latest information (much faster than the news) and we are definitely one of the first few to begin sharing them. But then, amidst this tech-savvy generation, lie a few hidden souls and I am one of them.


What exactly am I saying? Well, I am one of the very few in this generation that know nuts about technology. And of all the types of gadgets that I've been dealing with, the simple SMS or text messaging is my one true nemesis. Now it may seem simple to you, but the simple SMS or text messaging from my friends can sometimes leave me in a state of bewilderment.


I am rather 'old-fashion' when it comes to text messaging and would prefer to ignore a text full of short forms than to reply it.


I knew that short forms were becoming 'cool', and never had it cross my mind that I'll need it during lectures (lecturer talk so fast, write one word, she finish lecture already man... but keep writing short form then later don't know how to spell properly), but still I choose to write in full complete words rather than cut them down.


But all this isn't really about whether to make it short form or complete. Over the years, I've come to realize that the short forms are getting even shorter! It seems as though it has become some Da Vinci Code now. Insane!





Anyways, check out this video. Apparently, I'm not the only one who's messed up about text messaging!








A.S.A.P = Ah ma Say Ask ah Pa


I think my mum is going to start using that now!


Till then

To those who publish their quizzes on Facebook

We all know how popular Facebook is. It not only allows us to connect with our long lost friends, but it also allows my Dad and the entire family generation to add me so that they can check on me and the kind of language or topics that I share on Facebook.

However, Facebook has become more popular for its quizzes. When I realized that there was an ongoing trend of people flooding my homepage with results from quizzes, I gave up.


No one really cares how hot you are, how long your penis should be or how sexy you are. It's this people who gladly post their results, that need assurance of how sexy/hot you are because you already knew that you were not hot/sexy in the first place. Technology screwed your mind BADLY...

No one also cares if your soulmate starts with M or J or S. I bet you redid the quiz over and over again to get the results you wanted just so that you could prove to people that you and Michael/Jane/Stupid are SO PERFECT to be together forever and ever.


And no one really cares if you have 1% chance or whatever percentage to date the girls/guys from some Korean band, or even Megan Fox. Reality check, it just shows how desperate you are, and how you can rank yourself in a higher status than your friends who got worst results. That's just lame.


Lastly, to those who uses the "All my friends" application and even take the hassle to tag every friend involved. Please stop. I don't give a shit if the computer thinks I'm poor, ugly or agreeable. Stop playing God for a minute and come back to Earth. No one cares of what you think or what that stupid application 'classify' me as, unless your friends are just like you.


What do I mean by 'just like you'. Well, if you're one of them who has been flooding your friends' Facebook news feed and honestly think that it's no harm, then you're wrong. What's bad is that you don't even realize that the reason why you're doing all these in the first place is to prove something to everyone else. But seriously, no one's bothered.

Catherine Tate!