Friendship

A personal piece that I really had to get off of my chest.

What does the word 'Friendship' mean to you?

When I think about Friendship, the image of two people renting a room together, kicking back on the sofa, eating from a tub of ice cream while crying over a sappy love story comes to mind. Now it might seem pretty far-fetched, but just from this scenario, I can identify my elements of friendship; trust, comfort, support, reliance, happy, vulnerable, open, pure, real, truthful, and emotional.

I always thought that Friendship was a two-way passage, where two individuals were interconnected based on their thoughts, experiences, emotions and actions. However, I failed to realize that everyone has their own interpretations and the experiences that I had gone through lately have widened my perspective to this term.

The reason why I am writing this post is not really because I am confused with the term, but rather, I am confused with my role as a friend. I used to think that as a friend, it meant that one should be a pillar of support, to offer advice to lighten the burden, to be emotionally available just so that one's friend is comfortable in being vulnerable right in front of one, but at the same time, having a sense of security and comfort from the support one is giving. I always thought I was doing the right thing, but it took one incident to make me realize that I wasn't afterall.

I was definitely upset when that person said that he felt like a lab rat, under one of my psychological experiments whereby I run tests to see which advice is the most effective. I was not expecting such a response because I never treated any friendship as a form of experiment. I know that people do interpret one's actions differently, but I never expected whatever that I have done, to cause such a major setback. I did not understand why he felt that way because I always thought that offering advice would be enlightening, but then again, I realized; who was I to offer advice, when I was just another teenager? 

It then made me question my role as a friend, to everyone else in my life. Do the rest feel the same way too? Do they feel oppressed by my suggestions? I wondered to myself, on whether I was being a good friend. If I were in their shoes, I would have definitely hated myself, because sometimes, people just want someone to sit and listen, and not say anything. I on the other hand, was so caught up with trying to make the world a better place, that I forgot how to be a friend.

There may or may not be a solution to this, but no matter what, I hope my friends do feel  my love and appreciation. They are the reason why I am who I am today, because their life story, their beliefs, our experiences, and our conversations shape up my life. And as much as I thankful for their presence in my life, I never want to feel neglected, used or unappreciated.

I hope this change is good.

To the ones I think about daily

Hello you.

If you're reading this, that means you've been trying to keep track with my life, and I do appreciate that. I have been thinking about you too, yes, every single one of you.

I know that I haven't been around for any of you guys for this past year, and I guess I haven't had any good reasons other than "I'm busy". I know it is the worst and lamest excuse, but hear me out okay?


School Life hasn't been the best for me and it's been pretty hard settling down too. I'm still not used to the class time slots, and most definitely the assignments that are back to back (till now, assignments are still up my ass). Truth is, I'm still not used to any of this.


But I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to those whom I haven't met in a long while.
I'm sorry to those whom I've met empty promises too, often telling them that we'll meet up soon but we never do.
I'm sorry to those whom I've left hanging in MSN conversations.
I'm sorry to those whom I've not spend enough time with.
I'm sorry to those who only get earful of my problems but get no attention in return.
I'm sorry to those whose meet-ups I've canceled time and again.

I'm sorry.



Believe me when I say that I feel disgusted and disappointed with myself. I feel guilty and the fear of losing you guys haunts me every single day.


Losing you guys is pretty much like losing pieces of me.


But I just want you to know that I do care about you guys and though I may not be physically present or available, I'm always rooting for you guys in my heart, and as the saying goes, I'm always a call away.


Okay, enough of the mushy-ness.




Kthxbye.

Children as Advertisers

As most of you would know, my attachment days for this semester are on Wednesdays. Usually, it would be the most dreaded day as each attachment lasted four to five hours, and for someone like me, that meant hell.


However, something struck me one day as I was making my way for attachment. I figured that I could have been more positive, or at least look at things on a brighter side so that things wouldn't be so awkward for me every Wednesday. So I decided to go with the flow, do my own thing, and try to be as comfortable as possible, and by that, I meant doodling, more doodling, observing, goofing around and making fun of people and things by myself.

Whaaat?

Anyways, just a couple of weeks ago, something interesting happened. I was doing the usual stuff, interacting with the kids, doodling, folding some origami for some of them when one of the students came up to me. I wasn't really paying attention to her, so she waved at me with something in her hands.


Upon taking a closer look, I realized that there were two cards in her hands, literally business cards. She shoved both of them to my face and grabbed a seat beside me to explain that they were her parents'. "If your car is spoilt, you can go find my daddy. But if your spectacle spoil, you can find my mummy".


What I found intriguing about this situation isn't the fact that it proves one of early childhood's researcher's theory right, but rather, the amazement of how such a naive little girl was actually trying to boost business for her parents by advertising for them. And I wasn't the only one who received the cards. Teachers, and other staffs received it as well with the same speech given by the child.


Simply amazing. The once naive, innocent and blur type of child I once was, is totally not evident in this generation.


Sooner or later, kids might even start running agencies to sell houses. Who knows?