Friendship

A personal piece that I really had to get off of my chest.

What does the word 'Friendship' mean to you?

When I think about Friendship, the image of two people renting a room together, kicking back on the sofa, eating from a tub of ice cream while crying over a sappy love story comes to mind. Now it might seem pretty far-fetched, but just from this scenario, I can identify my elements of friendship; trust, comfort, support, reliance, happy, vulnerable, open, pure, real, truthful, and emotional.

I always thought that Friendship was a two-way passage, where two individuals were interconnected based on their thoughts, experiences, emotions and actions. However, I failed to realize that everyone has their own interpretations and the experiences that I had gone through lately have widened my perspective to this term.

The reason why I am writing this post is not really because I am confused with the term, but rather, I am confused with my role as a friend. I used to think that as a friend, it meant that one should be a pillar of support, to offer advice to lighten the burden, to be emotionally available just so that one's friend is comfortable in being vulnerable right in front of one, but at the same time, having a sense of security and comfort from the support one is giving. I always thought I was doing the right thing, but it took one incident to make me realize that I wasn't afterall.

I was definitely upset when that person said that he felt like a lab rat, under one of my psychological experiments whereby I run tests to see which advice is the most effective. I was not expecting such a response because I never treated any friendship as a form of experiment. I know that people do interpret one's actions differently, but I never expected whatever that I have done, to cause such a major setback. I did not understand why he felt that way because I always thought that offering advice would be enlightening, but then again, I realized; who was I to offer advice, when I was just another teenager? 

It then made me question my role as a friend, to everyone else in my life. Do the rest feel the same way too? Do they feel oppressed by my suggestions? I wondered to myself, on whether I was being a good friend. If I were in their shoes, I would have definitely hated myself, because sometimes, people just want someone to sit and listen, and not say anything. I on the other hand, was so caught up with trying to make the world a better place, that I forgot how to be a friend.

There may or may not be a solution to this, but no matter what, I hope my friends do feel  my love and appreciation. They are the reason why I am who I am today, because their life story, their beliefs, our experiences, and our conversations shape up my life. And as much as I thankful for their presence in my life, I never want to feel neglected, used or unappreciated.

I hope this change is good.