Have you ever felt 'barely there'? Not in terms of education, career or success, but as a person. As your friends are out partying, falling in love, building memories, doing silly things, and even making dreams come true, you start becoming 'barely there'. It might be because they're moving forward in life, or it might be because you're no longer 'cool' enough for them. Occasionally, one or two of them do check in on you, but soon enough the interest dies down and again, you become dispensable. How exactly do you determine your value and impact on someone else when the world has taught us how to skillfully lie through our teeth? This has nothing to do with jealousy, but it most definitely is one of the reasons why I'm dead set on leaving.

An apology

Dear you,

I just wanted to say... I'm sorry.

For all the trouble that I put you through. For the nights that we fought over unnecessary topics. For all the hurtful words that I hurled at you. For all the selfish stunts that I pulled on you. For not understanding you well enough. For all the unhappiness I caused. For wanting to give up. For being such a jerk.

Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made

I am amazed at how far we have gotten in this friendship despite the shit that I have put you through. No one deserves to go through all that stuff, not even you. I know that it is my fault and I know that it is a little too late, but I wish I could go back in time to take away all those memories.

At the start of the friendship, my main goal was to help you feel comfortable with yourself. To let you feel loved and supported, and to see the world through the eyes of another person. However, overtime, I realized that I was doing it all wrong. A friendship was not about changing a person, but rather accepting the person for who he is. But if I was struggling to come to terms with who I was, how was it going to be possible for me to accept others?

For a period of time, I hated myself a whole lot because I was offering you all the support and advice yet I was not even listening to myself. It was as though I was putting on a façade and I was so sick and tired of myself. I realized that it was not a game, and I was in no position to mould or influence you into becoming someone else because I was not any better. I had a ton of insecurities and as I struggled to live my life, the frustrations, pressures and hatred for life just began building up in me, and just when I was about to explode, you got in the way. And for that, I’m sorry.

There may not be much positive memories to this friendship because of the things that I have said and done, but one thing for sure is that you have taught me a whole lot about myself. I was so used to being independent and getting things done my way that I often failed to realize how my actions and words affected the people around me. Again, I’m sorry. You also taught me about perseverance and patience, and forgiveness and as I look back at this friendship, I realized that you were helping me more than I did. Mostly importantly, this friendship and you, reminded me of how much I missed being a kid again.

Truth is, I am envious of you. You've got the looks, the intelligence, the ability to pull anything off, and you've got people who love you and want nothing but the best for you. I just wish you could see all of this for yourself.

"All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and I promise you something great will come out of it"

I don't know what is going to happen in 2012, but I am pretty sure that we will start moving on with our own lives. As such, I'd just want to thank you for being a part of my life in 2011. It was life-changing :)

Friendship

A personal piece that I really had to get off of my chest.

What does the word 'Friendship' mean to you?

When I think about Friendship, the image of two people renting a room together, kicking back on the sofa, eating from a tub of ice cream while crying over a sappy love story comes to mind. Now it might seem pretty far-fetched, but just from this scenario, I can identify my elements of friendship; trust, comfort, support, reliance, happy, vulnerable, open, pure, real, truthful, and emotional.

I always thought that Friendship was a two-way passage, where two individuals were interconnected based on their thoughts, experiences, emotions and actions. However, I failed to realize that everyone has their own interpretations and the experiences that I had gone through lately have widened my perspective to this term.

The reason why I am writing this post is not really because I am confused with the term, but rather, I am confused with my role as a friend. I used to think that as a friend, it meant that one should be a pillar of support, to offer advice to lighten the burden, to be emotionally available just so that one's friend is comfortable in being vulnerable right in front of one, but at the same time, having a sense of security and comfort from the support one is giving. I always thought I was doing the right thing, but it took one incident to make me realize that I wasn't afterall.

I was definitely upset when that person said that he felt like a lab rat, under one of my psychological experiments whereby I run tests to see which advice is the most effective. I was not expecting such a response because I never treated any friendship as a form of experiment. I know that people do interpret one's actions differently, but I never expected whatever that I have done, to cause such a major setback. I did not understand why he felt that way because I always thought that offering advice would be enlightening, but then again, I realized; who was I to offer advice, when I was just another teenager? 

It then made me question my role as a friend, to everyone else in my life. Do the rest feel the same way too? Do they feel oppressed by my suggestions? I wondered to myself, on whether I was being a good friend. If I were in their shoes, I would have definitely hated myself, because sometimes, people just want someone to sit and listen, and not say anything. I on the other hand, was so caught up with trying to make the world a better place, that I forgot how to be a friend.

There may or may not be a solution to this, but no matter what, I hope my friends do feel  my love and appreciation. They are the reason why I am who I am today, because their life story, their beliefs, our experiences, and our conversations shape up my life. And as much as I thankful for their presence in my life, I never want to feel neglected, used or unappreciated.

I hope this change is good.

Friendships

Friendships. 

I don't know whether it is a form of punishment (maybe I was Cruella De Vil in my previous life) but I always seem to be landing on the wrong spot when it comes to friendship.

Not too long ago, I met up with one of my good friends and while we were sharing with each other about all the nasty experiences we had,with some people, something struck us.

It suddenly dawned upon us that all the people that we were comfortable with, and were trying to avoid, had characteristics that were so similar to each other, that we were almost sure they were clones.

So why do I keep finding these clones even though I already know of their characteristics? It's like finding the needle in the haystack over and over again, even though I do not want to find it. Apart from these clones however, there are still loads more friendship issues that I am facing and to be honest, I just want everything to stop.

I used to be, and am still envious of all the people around me who can simply enjoy a good meal with their friends. I on the other hand, seem to always have complicated situations with people. One such friendship has turned so bad, that we're not even talking to each other. But the problem is that there wasn't any fault or issue to begin with. How complicated can friendships be? And it always has to end in such an awkward manner where I am at fault, being I am mean, scary, and manly.

I wish I had a twin whom I could confide to.

To the ones I think about daily

Hello you.

If you're reading this, that means you've been trying to keep track with my life, and I do appreciate that. I have been thinking about you too, yes, every single one of you.

I know that I haven't been around for any of you guys for this past year, and I guess I haven't had any good reasons other than "I'm busy". I know it is the worst and lamest excuse, but hear me out okay?


School Life hasn't been the best for me and it's been pretty hard settling down too. I'm still not used to the class time slots, and most definitely the assignments that are back to back (till now, assignments are still up my ass). Truth is, I'm still not used to any of this.


But I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to those whom I haven't met in a long while.
I'm sorry to those whom I've met empty promises too, often telling them that we'll meet up soon but we never do.
I'm sorry to those whom I've left hanging in MSN conversations.
I'm sorry to those whom I've not spend enough time with.
I'm sorry to those who only get earful of my problems but get no attention in return.
I'm sorry to those whose meet-ups I've canceled time and again.

I'm sorry.



Believe me when I say that I feel disgusted and disappointed with myself. I feel guilty and the fear of losing you guys haunts me every single day.


Losing you guys is pretty much like losing pieces of me.


But I just want you to know that I do care about you guys and though I may not be physically present or available, I'm always rooting for you guys in my heart, and as the saying goes, I'm always a call away.


Okay, enough of the mushy-ness.




Kthxbye.

Making Frienemies

After the third week of school, I am proud to say that I finally am acknowledged in school!

Apparently during one of the lessons where we had to reveal an information about a classmate that no one else knew, a classmate of mine remarked that I had a very weird sense of dressing.


That comment then erupted into a class discussion where people added that I dressed very "Hawaiian" like, and some even said that it was their first time seeing someone who dresses like me!




No, I did not dress like that.


But why am I still so chirpy about my class's comments? Well, it just shows that I am not a trend follower, but rather a trend setter! I think I look good in how I dress, and finally people know of my existence in school! Weird or not, it depends on their taste of style. As for me, I accept weird as a compliment, because it brings me a step closer to being unique. Don't you think so?


So, a quick recap of the previous week, I made an entire or rather, most of the seniors in this particular club hate me. And the funny thing is, I did not even get a chance to annoy them. In fact, I had no chance to interact with them at all! The power of assumptions my friends, it can kill.

Then I had classmates discuss about my dressing style (as a class, with my lecturer!) as though I was a subject.






I have a strong feeling that people would idolize my dressing sense soon. Just you wait.


Oh, and I made tonnes of enemies with random perverts that added me/ I added when I engaged with them flirtatiously day after day before finally scaring them away when I claimed that I was the person that was in this photo:




Sadly, I did not save any of the chats that I had with them.

But what I did not understand was why they did not get the hint when I said that I loved 'slobbering myself in hot creamy butter', and 'jiggling my voluptuous gems at men'.

They must have thought of otherwise when all I intended to do was to speak the truth and nothing but the truth. Oh well...



But, there is actually one it that it absolutely mind-boggling to me. I actually made an enemy with someone when I showed him my actual photograph. How can?!?!







This person was actually a secondary school senior that I have never met before. We started off pretty okay, with random conversations here and there. Then there was the grand moment when he asked whether he could see my photograph. I told him that he could get it off of Facebook but he insisted that I send one to him.

Foolishly, I did. But that was where it pretty much ended. Apparently, he was someone who 'Anti's people like me; people who like piercings, tattoos and appreciate the various types of arts that are pretty much still a taboo around the world.




This (above) my friends, is just one of the many piercings carried out during the 'Vegetarian Festival' in Thailand.


Thus seeing that I had a lip piercing, dyed hair and so much more, he was pretty much enraged, and asked if I had any more piercings or tattoos.


Feeling that it was unnecessary for me to respond and be judged by what I look like, I simply ended the conversation with a "Go to hell. I don't see why you must make a big deal with what I like. You make it seem as though you need to control me. Like hello? I don't go around asking you/comparing you with the things I like or don't like. I just don't judge people like that. Dumb ass. Go bitch about anti-ing me to someone else, I don't give two f*cks about it".






Don't get this wrong. I'm actually a very nice person. That is, if you don't judge me for how I look/without getting to know me better lah.



Loves.

When nothing ticks you more than that

Edited.

I am actually not in a good mood right now, because of one very idiotic bitch that pissed me off.





I actually deleted the later part of the post because I find it really insensitive to post everything here. She may have hurt my feelings but I shouldn't be hurting hers. Because it'll make me no different from her.



I am learning to change.Till then.



Loves.

Day out to Orchard

Edited. With pictures!


LONG & BORING. BEWARE.



The day started off pretty badly for me. I had accidentally swung my watch at the railing while making my way up from the carpark. It was really humiliating as the sound of my watch hitting the metal was really loud, and many drivers stopped to look at me (it was that hard).

I tried to feign ignorance but I couldn't help but chuckle to myself because there was this lad that terperanjat when he heard the sudden loud sound. And I swear, the little "jump" that he did, accompanied by the shocked and traumatized (why did you do that?!?) face was simply, priceless.




And I thought the humiliation would end there. But as I made my way to the MRT station, I didn't pay attention to this drain "cover" that was not really a perfect fit to the drain.




And I tripped on it.





As always, there were many patrons who had alighted from buses and MRTs and unfortunately, they saw my horrid moment of embarrassment. But like how I usually do it, I looked back at the drain, made a "tsk" sound to it (as though it was "it's" fault for being there and disrupting my path). Then I had a frown put on my face till I managed to hide in Prime supermarket to chuckle at my clumsiness today.




If only I hadn't threw my tantrum at home. Karma would have been much kinder to me.







After I blew off some steam, I waited as Jeanice and Syuh made their way slooooowlyyyy to our meeting point. It was funny how Jeanice got tricked by our term of winegums.


Thereafter, we headed to Orchard. What was supposed to be a job hunting day for Jeanice, ended up as a pretty awesome but childish day for us.


Off we went, to Paragon. Or as how some people put it, Pentagon.


Time spent in Muji was pretty much a bitter sweet experience because we had a chance to touch and try it out each and every one of the items there, but had to face the evil Tink monster who was super indecisive and whiney (hahah) on her items to buy. Her overrated enthusiasm for Muji items never fail to Amuse, Annoy, Amaze and Horrify me all at the same time (AAAH). Hahah.


Then I spotted some guy who was making balloon animals/swords/flowers/ whatever the kids wanted, and thinking that he was a clown (from his outfit, he seemed to be one), we decided to go closer to 'as termed by Jeanice : "See his face". '


We were disappointed because his face wasn't a tad bit near the word 'Clown'. But we were all happy again when we say adorable Caucasian kids with awesome hair.


Curiosity made us sidetrack on our journey and we ventured into the "Paradise For Kids". In simple words, we headed to Toys R' Us.


That was where we lost track of time as we happily pranced about (exaggerated). We were only at the entrance but we had already lost hours there. Why? Because we were busy pressing the "Try Me!" buttons for the creepy Chuckie-like dolls. I couldn't help it, the "Try Me" buttons were calling my name, begging me to press them. And true enough, I had mini heart attacks every now and then when the mouths, eyes or even hands started moving.


THEY ARE ALIVE!





We even had time to buckle Patrick the Starfish in a pram.


Okay, it was only me, and I sure was engrossed in "Safety first"!




But Syuh does look to be awesomely happy to have Patrick as her child. Hahah.





And the craziness did not end there, for when we shifted to the "Soft Toys" section, that was where we all went crazy.


No, it wasn't just me. Jeanice was just as crazy.







I decided to go on a "shopping spree" for Monkeys, hippos, elephants, Patrick, dogs and bears. I then decided to ditch all of them and reselect my "Chosen Ones" which were all Monkeys.

Syuh had this obsession over Master Monkey's puppet from Kung Fu Panda (the movie).





And I must say, it(the puppet) sure was one UGLY thang. The puppet did not do justice to Master Monkey AT ALL.



See what I mean?










One more time now.. And say it with me, UGLY!!











So there we were, walking around Toys R' Us, Jeanice with her Spongebob, Syuh with ugly puppet and me with an armful of monkeys.










Obviously, there were stares from lots' of people, but we were too thick skinned to even bother. When we all had enough with the soft toys, we put them back and wandered into the "Sports" section.


There Jeanice tried her talent and hula-hopping but got seriously burned. Better luck next time! And Syuh made a fool out of herself when she tried spinning her "weapon" round' her hand.



Speaking of weapons, Syuh, Jeanice and I got into a fight....






With one another.....




Apparently, we were such die hard fans of Spartans and fighting scenes that we had to make one there and then.




"Armed with an Axe, Jeanice attacked us with all her might. I swung at Syuh with my Giant Plastic Toy Hammer but it was making too much noise with the "honking" so I ditched it.



Syuh took Patrick's innocence as an advantage for she jabbed him continuously with her sword. While I seek cover from a swimming float as my shield, Syuh headed to the weaponry section to arm herself with a CARS bat. She swung, jabbed and poked Patrick till he was nothing more than Lifeless.

Raged by her vicious actions, I took a "long balancing beam which is for fights in the pool?" and swung it at Syuh. She too picked up the other beam and we began attacking one another with it. All this while, as the battle was on, Jeanice stood aside, cheering for both teams.




The battle only ended when both of us were out of breath, and my beam was "broken". Setting aside all the hatred for each other during the battle, we gave in to each other and called it a 'Tie'."


The battle was more of us laughing then really fighting, so we were pretty much breathless from all the giggling.



Then we headed off to the "Baby Section".


Babies have the bestt lives ever! They have awesome potties, cool toilet seats, chewy toys for teething, and sweet toys, be it electrical or plain cloth type.

How to not be jealous?



Anyway...


We visited our "Heaven" before ending the day. Our "Heaven" sold the old versions of kinder surprise!



Yes, this ones!





I got myself a bag of Jolly Rancher Lollies and a can of Dr. Pepper before leaving.




The day ended with us walking around aimlessly in Orchard, mainly due to Jeanice's misdirections. But it was all fun.




Till then


*Photo credits to Jeanice


Loves.

From all walks of Life

Sometimes when I come home from a bad day, I question Fate. I ask 'him' why he had forced me to meet that person or people that had to ruin my day. I ask 'him' why they had to break my heart and dampen my mood.

And sometimes, when I come home from a blissful day, I thank Fate for allowing me to meet awesome people that brighten my life. I thank 'him' for allowing special people to enter my life. Not only have they made me feel special, treated so fine, but they also painted my life with colours. Colours that are called 'joy and laughter'.


Have you thanked Fate yet?






(Don't worry. I'm not dying. But wouldn't it be awesome if we had something like this?)



One day, when I woke up, I finally found Fate's answer to my question.


You see, if you stare hard enough at your reflection's eyes, you'd see your soul. And in your soul's hand, would be a tape. Play the tape in your head as you replay the emotions, events and re-meet the people you know.


In Life, there are some who praise you so that you feel the accomplishment and feel good to do much better.

Then there are some who jump at any given chance to thumb you down, humiliate you by lashing at you without any mercy. And by then, you'd be so crossed with them, that you'd forget about your failure. Then you'd realize that it isn't worth it to torture yourself any longer.



There are some who open their arms widely to welcome you, encourage you and give you chances to show your worth. Then there are some who simply reject you. Not only are you disappointed, but you find the courage to pick yourself up and move on, to try harder.



There are some who love you only for the things you have. You'd feel welcomed at first, but soon after, you'd realize that happiness isn't about materials, and these people aren't worth it. Then you'd meet people who love you for who you are. Not only would you feel comfortable, but you learn to behave well enough.



No matter who you meet, just know that there's a reason as to why they're there. So learn from the incidents that happened, and grow from it.



Loves.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SYUHADA/SYUH/SYUHLA/MUCUS WOMAN!!!!!

Editted

If you've read the earlier part of this, you'd realize that I've mentioned that it is Syuh's birthday. But I left out the part that it's Natalie's birthday too! Happy Birthday nat!






Anyway, as mentioned, I met up with Syuh and Jeanice. Jeanice was pretty late because she got caught in between some reefs. And she forgot to bring Syuh's present, so she had to go home to get it.


We lingered around Cold Storage while waiting for Jeanice and I found my cheese spread that I had been fond of since a little kid. The one with the red cow head. Hahah.


We then settled for lunch at MacDonalds and time did pass quickly. We left the place, thinking that we should shift to StarBucks but apparently, things weren't on our side, and so we decided to head back to MacDonalds to get some Ice Cream. Yes, on a rainy day.


But before heading to MacD, we got ourselves two Kinder Joy with Surprise each.






Yup, the eggs are back people. But this time, there's Ferrero Rocher- like chocolates in them. Not forgetting the toys too.

Jeanice was getting hyper and lame, by taking photos of the Kinder Eggs. They're no longer wrapped in foil though.

And Syuh was getting paranoid over the toys hidden inside. Hahah.


Anywa, back to MacDonalds....


That was where we were in our own world, well not literally, because we started reminiscing the past together. We found out that Syuh, despite being the innocent looking one, got into the most number of fights and arguements. "Innocent" eh. Hahah.

And we found out that kids these days were getting out of hand, treating public places far more worst than home, shouting like babarics. Not only were they a disgrace to society, they were ones to their families, themselves and since they were in their uniforms, their school.


The day ended around dinner time and Syuh and I headed home by walking. But halfway through the drizzle became a downpour and so we were drenched. Syuh found it "awesome" to be drenched on her birthday. Hahah. And I got weird stares when I boarded the bus.


Well, that's it for now I guess. I'll update once I have some things on hand, or if I feel like it. For now, I wanna' go open my Kinder Eggs. Hahah.



One more time, Happy Birthday Syuh and Nat! I hope it was a blissful day for you guys!







K bye.



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Well, today's Syuhada's birthday and I've scheduled for this post to be posted on 11.50am, cause' that's the time that she was born. Hahah.

I don't think she'll see this because I'm meeting her, and Jeanice at 12pm.

And so let me reveal what I did for her, as a birthday gift. Well, if you know me well enough, you'd know that I am a very corny person. I'll find poems or sayings and write them out. This year, I think I am the corniest ever, because I made syuh's gift in terms of a goody bag.


Well, I've always liked the idea of goody bags because it's sort of a surprise, and it makes people feel young. Hahah, that's what I think.


And in the goody bag, there is a piece of "Paparazzi" styled letter for her. Don't all birthdays have letters? But I'm not good with words, so I did got some poem too. Hahah, corny.

Then there is a newspaper wrapped item. Mind you, I do have wrapping papers, but I really liked the idea of how "anyhow" and free-styled newspapers looked. She has to open a few layers of the newspaper before she can see the gift.

It's a shoe. I know there are alot of superstitions about giving shoes to others, which in simple words means "sending them away", in terms of death. To make it worst, I'm giving her on her birthday. But just like how my family does it, I'm going to get maybe 10 cents from her, so it'll seem like she bought it for herself. Hoho.

Anyway, this shoe isn't like any other shoe. Because, this one is designed by me! I was really disappointed with the outcome because I didn't know it would be much harder on canvas than on paper.

SORRY SYUH! Heh.


And last but not least, like all goody bags, there's a bag of sweets inside. I got her, her third wine gum, and some DAT DAT Marshmallows too! Hahah.


Well, if you think I'm odd than you've not seen many other "themes" which I chose for others. You may just be my next Guinea Pig.


But I don't think I'll do any more shoes, unless for myself. Hahah.



A little dedication to friends to end the post.

The Gift Of Friends

by Karin Schaefer

There are days when
bubbling from us comes
the innocent child within,
who giggles at the little things
and wears a silly grin.

There are days when
melancholy comes to
visit for a while;
the mind feels tired, the body weak;
we have no strength to smile.

There are days when
joy abundant
grabs a hold of you and me;
wraps us up in all it's splendor,
lifts us up and sets us free.

There are days when
sorrow wraps us
in its cloak of grief and fear,
'till our hearts ache to the breaking,
'till our eyes can't shed a tear.

There are days when
love bestows us
with its wonderment and light;
with its beauty and its mystery,
its power and its might.

And there are days when
life rewards us
and seems to make amends
by granting us a marvelous gift,
the precious gift of Friends.

Once again, Happy Birthday Syuh!


I'll update again once the day's over.


Loves!

Valentine's Day

Edited.

I think amongst the three of us, Jeanice has the best post for this day, totally detailed. So, Click Here to read it!

(Saint) Valentine's Day is a holiday celebrated on February 14 by many people throughout the world. In the West, it is the traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other by sending Valentine's cards, presenting flowers, or offering confectionery. The day was originally a pagan festival that was renamed after two Early Christian martyrs named Valentine. The day became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.

The day is most closely associated with the mutual exchange of love notes in the form of "valentines". Modern Valentine symbols include the heart-shaped outline, doves, and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten notes have largely given way to mass-produced greeting cards.^[1] The sending of Valentines was a fashion in nineteenth-century Great Britain, and, in 1847, Esther Howland developed a successful business in her Worcester, Massachusetts home with hand-made Valentine cards based on British models. The popularity of Valentine cards in 19th century America was a harbinger of the future commercialization of holidays in the United States.^[2]

The U.S. Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately one billion valentines are sent each year worldwide, making the day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year, behind Christmas. The association estimates that, in the US, men spend on average twice as much money as women.^[3]

Valentine's Day, the day where every guy becomes bitter as they crack their brains to figure out the perfect gift for their crush/partners/soul mates. It's supposed to sound like a joyful event where the girl breaks down and hugs the guy for the sweet gift, and the guy smiles from ear to ear because he knows that he has impressed her, but hey, nothing sounds that simple nowadays, with the recession and crap. Who to point the finger to? Well, us of course! For we are the ones who are so attracted to the Western Culture.

And no, I'm not in a crappy mood. I actually had a time of my life today. I had a date.

Well, it's not really a guy-girl date. I was actually out with not one, but two girls! And no, there's nothing wrong with me. I was out with my heroic mucus clan and they mean more than blah Valentines.

On a side note, I thought that anniversaries were supposed to be on Valentine's Day, isn't it the right time to celebrate, and meant for only couples? I guess I was wrong.

Anyway, the day was actually filled with talking, laughing, talking and more laughing.
We failed to get the belts for Tink's sis and so we wandered around in Causeway Point. From that, we actually ended up sitting outside Civic Centre. That was when the war began.

Tink and I were attacked by armies of ants(exaggerated tone) and being like survivors of spartans, we battled them (300 vs thousands = 2 vs tens. hahah) till our weapons (it was actually our bubble tea cups) were destroyed. And all this while, Mucus Woman was laughing at us.

We actually spent a lot of time on the army of ants, observing them in their last struggle of death, as life slowly seeps out of them. Tink was frightened a few times, and luckily Mucus Moster was there to save the day!

I got the nickname of being the Antminator (Terminator) for killing all those vicious biting ants. I even created a few lines or two for them as I hunted high and low for those killer ants.

Fearing that the ants would use their antannaes to send signals for more troops to attack us, we decided to abandon our weapons and base, and fled to Civic Centre's library.

We settled down and that was when we all got to know each other better. We got ourselves hyped up for no reasons as we talked about migration to countries, our future, our past "sins" and even got a gossip here and there.

It was an awesome time out with them because as I had said when I was with Raudah and Syuh, and I guess now with mucus clan, we never had to worry about place, time, or things to do. It was comfortable just being us, and having a blast just talking (everyone loves to talk deep once in a while) about random stuff.

Our species isn't extinct just yet, we just need to find the right people, right Syuh?

And Tink, the dried durians and Jack Fruit is really nice! But bloody expensive lah! hahah.

I'm on my way to find more on my kind!

Loves.

Open Houses!

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That's Soo Ah Quek, the new version of Johnny from Outsiders. It's the literature "art" piece I was talking about here. And yes, it was done by me, back when I was in secondary two. It did crack my classmates and myself up. And it still does!



Anyway, I spent the entire of yesterday with Syuhada and Mak Nenek Jeanice. We visited some of the polytechnics, namely SP, NP and NYP. The places weren't as happening as we expected them to be, but we had fun trying to find ways to escape from some people.



The day ended with Syuh struggling with her killa' shoes and Jeanice with a hole in her hair. Hahah.


But it didn't end there. Syuh and I, just like back in school days, sat and we talked and talked and talked. It was really nice having the chance to catch up with her. Despite not seeing her since the last of our papers, we never had a moment of awkwardness, not at all.



This is what true friends are. You may not be able to see or talk to them for a long period of time, but when you do, nothing changes, and you can just click back, as though it was only yesterday that you guys met. They don't have to say a word or be present, and yet you know that they do care for you. You don't feel awkward around them because you know that they like you for who you are, so you need not bother about what to say or how to behave. You can talk about issues that are simply random, or you can go in so deep without being sensitive about it. They are the ones who are fun-loving, yet now when to draw the line. They are the only ones who look at your flaws and tell you the truth to help you improve on your well-being. But they are never the ones who make fun of you, or hate you for your flaws.



True friends are people who don't question the term friendship.






A sticker designed by my brother, and pasted on my bedroom wall; Carpediem.

Seize the day.

Eat and Drink, for tomorrow we die.




Loves.

Friendship

This week made me lose a lot of sleep. Not because of the upcoming exams, or school work, but because I lay in bed drifting in and out of sleep, as I ponder on the importance of Friendship.

For secondary school kids, nothing matters more to them, than their love life, friends, studies and family. This is the age where adolescence often commit suicide because ' they can't live without their other half' and stupid stuff like that.

Life was never meant to be complicated, but it's humans, us, who make a whole complication out of everything. Everyone wished that they could return to the past, when they were kids. Making friends with everyone, be it the Popiah seller, or the Karang Guni (rag and bones) man. As kids, we accepted others for who they are, and faced the world with s big wide smile, living life with purity and simplicity, and no fear at all. The only fear was the boogey-man under my bed.

I've always treasured my friends and used to be in denial that friendships do had to end. Because believe it or not, friends are the ones who shape us into special individuals. It's the experiences we shared, be it a lot or little, and with a pinch of our own personality, that makes us who we are. And the funny thing is that we never realized it.

I never believed in Friends falling apart, only in drifting apart. But time proved me wrong.

Time meant that I grew older, and so many things changed. My face changed, my body changed, and the people around me changed, my Friends changed too.


My primary school friends were inseparable. We were by each other whenever any of us were down. We shared secrets and swore to stay in contact after the PSLE. But now we are separated,drifting further apart. I've lost contact with many of them, and though some are still contactable, we are not as close as last time.

Secondary school friends are treasured. I gained so many friends, but learning from past experiences, I swore never to be too close to anyone, for the separation made me ache more.
And I've been trying to keep my head cool about a lot of things, choosing not to fuss about them. But this week changed everything, I was made to look at friendship from a whole new perspective.

I never thought of myself as one of them to end a friendship. But this week made me feel the moment where I wasn't as eager than usual, to see my friend. Instead I grew more and more upset about the things my friend did. I saw through her motives, and slowly grew uncomfortable around her.

People around me tell me that it's an indication that the friendship is about to end. But I'm holding on. Because as badly as I want to end it, I want to save it. It's an in between feeling.

But will friends stay friends forever?

I've seen people make friends through blogging, and even lose great friends by the same method.

And at every corner that I turn to, I see strangers being friends, friends to lovers, and lovers back to friends and in the end, friends to strangers. It's a strange world.


Let's leave it at that.

But all I can say for now is, love those who love you, and love those you've never loved before. Help make other live life meaningfully, and understand each character before you judge. Let the people around you feel joy, love and be touched by you. For every Life you touch, makes you a better person. Who knows, you might even unravel the mysteries in Life.

And to my friend, I hope things can be better.


Dedicated to Everyone out there.

Love all.

Friends Forever

I'm glad that people have been appreciative to what I wrote for them in the previous post. But I must say that those are the only friends that I truly cherish. Forgive me for missing out so many names but what I can only say is that I was deeply exhausted that day. My energy was all drained out, and i felt completely washed out. I was famished to an extent that I felt that I could eat a whole cow, but the God of Sleep beckoned me to go to bed. And thus, i immediately plunged into my bed as soon as I had completed my blogging. And soon enough, i was in my own Lala-land, dreaming of food, food, food, and spongebob and patrick holding my hands, strolling down town. Hahaha.

Anyway, I thought of adding more names to the Friends Forever Deal. Other than Syuhada, Raudah, Aainaa and Shahirah, I have more Friends whom I love and care for. in fact, I have so many that I might missed out on all my friends. And so, I decided to only type out my true feelings to the ones whom I have spent my entire life evolving around them.


Yiling

The Goddess of Food! Your presence never fail to fill any room, be it the canteen or library with laughter. You giggly at almost anything whether it's funny or not. And even though you may seem to be angry at one thing or another, you always make it seem so amusing that all of us can't help but laugh at you. Not literally laughing at you, but at how silly your reactions are reflected. I always wondered why you never upset. I guess I was proven wrong, but in the end, you still made things turn hilarious. I loved the times when all of us would go to your home and you'll often reveal secrets about your sister or how you interact with your maid. I still remembered the time when a bunch of us when to your home and poured ice on you. You, of course panicked and made it even hilarious when you slipped and fell while trying to mop the floor. See, even though you were actually showing your fear or hatred for something, you ALWAYS ended giggling about it. And to make things worst, you always weren't paying attention whenever we had a discussion and would always have that "huh?" face.
Amazing as it seems, I cherish you as one of my good friends because I guess you made me laugh at all the reality that the world was pushing in our face. You made everything seem hilarious and made me learn to laugh anything off. But of course, deep down everyone has their problems and somehow we've connected in the topic about school.

Although we may have been separated into different secondary schools, I do hope that our friendship does stay strong.

And I'll still reject the opportunity to accompany you to go speed dating once we're older. Hahaha, see, I do remember!



Wenya, Xueping, Weiting, Lixin, Lena, Cheryl, Serene

I've grouped all of you together is not because I have nothing to say about you guys, but in fact, the words which describe you guys are often resembled in A TEAM,A GROUP.

I have learned so many things from all of you and I hope that I have contributed some as well. You guys have showed me the importance of friendship and that Friends can always be relied on to always be able to lend a helping hand. All of you, in fact, have helped me one way or the other and for that, I am grateful for having you guys as my friends. Weiting, Lixin, Xueping, Serene have always been around whenever i needed someone to play basketball matches with. They even taught me so many things about basketball, that without them, I wouldn't be able to dribble a ball at all. But overall, all of you have really groomed me into who I am today. All of you have watched me from my primary school self to the present state that I am. I do hope that nothing can change our Friendship and i hope that we stay as strong friends till forever.







I love making friends and I do cherish every one of them. However, sometimes, Life isn't kind to us and jealousy, misunderstandings got the better of our friendship. And so, a simple word like "friends" can be easily be broken and turned into "enemy".
And this is mainly because humans often use harsh words to hurt other people's feelings without realizing that they are actually hurting them.

My dad has a saying pinned up somewhere and I recall the exact words of it because I recite them to myself everyday. And I would like to share it here....




" Words are easily spoken without realization. But be careful of the words that you speak. Because you'll never know when there'll be a day when you have to eat them."

This means that people should keep their words short and SWEET, and not BITTER and HURTFUL. This way, we can eat them back anytime, without regretting what we said. Because what you said earlier, can never be taken back.


But overall, I've learned a lot of things....

A good friend will come bail you out of jail...
But a true friend will be sitting next to you saying WE screwed up, but we had fun!'


I've learned...That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.


I've learned...That money doesn't buy class.


I've learned... that it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.


I've learned...That under everyone's hard shell is someone
who wants to be appreciated and loved.


I've learned...That the Lord didn't do it all in one day
What makes me think I can?

I've learned...That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.


I've learned...That the less time I have to work, the more things I get done.