I was feeling really down after the match against Singapore Polytechnic, which drove me nearer to the decision of quitting. It was no use shedding tears, but to tell you the truth, I was feeling like a total bullshit. It wasn't the situation of who was better or worst, but rather, a situation where my self esteem was being tested. Thoughts and emotions actually got the better of me.
I decided lose myself, drowning my sorrow by plugging in to my phone with a playlist to sooth my nerves.
"The bus journey to home would be about an hour. I'll be fine by then". Well, that was what I thought. However, the more I 'zoned out', the more I reflected on my thoughts and actions. I couldn't help but to replay every single thing that I had been doing.
Am I being selfish? Am I having too much confidence and pride that a simple thing like this cause me to be so affected? Am I being too sensitive?
I was so engrossed in my thoughts that it actually took a few taps on the shoulder to realize that someone was trying to strike a conversation with me. He was an elderly man, who was seated behind me.
"Are you a player from the National Team?" He must have mistook my red and white jersey as a representation from the national team.
I kindly explained that I was not from the national team, but rather, was representing my school in a competition.
He then mentioned that I looked really much like a national player, which was indeed a very flattering comment for me. He asked what sports I was representing and I told him that I was in volleyball.
By now, he had shifted from his place to beside me. At first, I was uncomfortable as I was moody and wanted really much to be on my own. However, I did not want to be rude and the conversation went on. Needless to say, the amount of stares we got from others was indeed revolting; you could tell from their expression that they say me as some "The molested victim" while Patrick was some "cheekopek" since he sat with his arms behind me, and kept leaning in whenever I spoke.
He introduced himself as Patrick while I introduced myself as Kat. He then went on, telling me of how he used to be a National Hockey player in the early 1980s. Being oblivious to his state, I asked him why he stopped playing. He then explained that the only reason that had stopped him was Stroke. I then realized that he limped, using a cane to aid him.
It was devastating news to him as he loved hockey not only as a sport, but as a passion as he was proud to be representing his country. He then said "But it's really hard these days. Singapore has no choice but to import talent as they stand no chance against the other countries. Back then, it was about the passion for the game, and the love for the country. But these days, it's all about money. Last time when someone broke your leg, you'd say its okay because you'll break his in the next round. But right now, if someone were to break your leg, all you'd think would be to get claims". It was an intriguing statement, but it showed how true it was. We are money minded.
We then exchanged views about the Olympic games. By then, I was feeling much better as this took my mind off the matters mentioned earlier. Patrick then mentioned of his admiration for volleyball players, for their strength, stamina and being game smart. He told me of the countless times where he and his team had to do weights, tracks and so on just to keep fit. He said he loved how volleyball players could exert so much power into their spikes. It wasn't only about the dives, spikes, receiving, but also the team spirit and strength as a team. He was curious about the difference between beach and indoor volleyball, so I explained of the settings, rules and so on. He was even more impressed and said that not only did he learn something new, but he also has a stronger admiration for them.
Seeing that he was such of fan of sports, and being a sportsman himself, I couldn't help but ask whether the tradition of hockey or any form of sports was being 'passed on' in the family. Disappointment on his face, he took out his wallet to show me a picture of his only daughter. "She doesn't like sports. It's really a waste. Sometimes, I dislike going home to a place that doesn't share the same passion and interest as me. That's why I've cut back on watching all the Olympic games". It was indeed a waste as stroke had taken his passion away from him and there wasn't anyone to continue his dream for me. And at that very moment, he patted on me on my back as he said that "I'd wish I had a daughter like you. You are active. I wouldn't mind my child to come home as late as this for the sake of sports. Children these days are so pampered and only want to use computers, that they'd rather be cooped up at home than to enjoy hands-on experiences like sports". I was beaming with delight. This man sure knows how to leave my heart tingling!
The bus journey wit him seemed a whole lot shorter. When it was finally time to alight, he took my hand with both hands, and said that he had a splendid time chatting with me. I too thanked him and before I rushed off to take another bus, he patted me on the shoulders again and said: "I hope to see you on TV soon".
This day was one of the worst days of my life initially. However, all thanks to Patrick, he lightened my day and made it one of my best. It was about how long the conversation was, or how loud he was, but it was actually what he said and did that brightened my day. He was a complete stranger and yet to acknowledged my existence. And even though he did not know how good or bad I was in character and skills, he praised me for at least picking up a sport and even encouraged me to work hard enough to make it on TV.
Thus, this is dedicated to all of my friends, especially to those who feel that they are being treated as invisible or worthless. You don't need a friend or family member to tell you how good you are. You just need to know. And for me, it took a complete stranger to tell me to not give up, in everything I did. No journey is too tough for us.
I am sure that there is a Mr. Patrick out there for everyone. If a complete stranger believes in you, I don't see why you shouldn't have faith in yourself. So dare to dream big my friends.
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