Pokerface

The past few days has been... Unsettling, disappointing, nerve-wrecking, gut-spewing, teeth-clenching, and all the other extreme emotions jumbled up together.

There isn't just one reason as to why I'm feeling this way. In fact, there is more than one reason. However, most, if not all of the reasons evolve around the people that I have been with lately.


I do not really know how to put this gently, but its upsetting to see how some people ignore other people's feelings just for the sake of accomplish. I know I'm no Mohandas Ghandi, but I think everyone deserves a second chance, especially when they're sincere about helping out.

I mean, one should not judge another person's capabilities just by the grades they're getting right? It's just not fair that way, because you never know what he/she is good at.

But what's upsetting was not the way they were judged, by the way the rest reacted when they volunteered to help out, to LIGHTEN OUR load.

The look on everyone's face left me speechless, and I for once, did not know what to say. And you know what's the worst part? It's that those who were judged were actually the first to notice the change in reaction. Do you know how hurt they were? Couldn't everyone at the very least try to put on a poker face?

I shan't go on about this, because if I do, I'd simply be creating a battlefield in my head.

Capabilities

Capabilities

(From Dictionary.com)

1.	the quality of being capable; capacity; ability: His capability was unquestionable.

2.	the ability to undergo or be affected by a given treatment or action: the capability of glass in resisting heat.

3.	Usually, capabilities. qualities, abilities, features, etc., that can be used or developed; potential: Though dilapidated, the house has great capabilities.

4. A talent or ability that has potential for development or use. Often used in the plural: a
student of great capabilities.
5. The capacity to be used, treated, or developed for a specific purpose: nuclear capability.







Capabilities, to me, are hidden talents that people rarely notice, until you show it off. Superman for instance, was a nobody. Until he helped save his town.




Capabilities does not necessarily mean of Heroes saving the day, or Superman's super powers, or even Spiderman's climbing ability. It can actually mean of skills like:

• Being a great leader

• Dealing with stress

• Working in fast paced environment

• Grabbing people's attention

• And even bottling up your emotions so as not to be easily emotional and affected.

Yes, these are great capabilities. But sometimes we are so driven and engrossed in showing people of our capabilities that we fail to notice that we are heading into the trap of "kay kiang", where we perform task that are way beyond our abilities and thus, mocking ourselves infront of everyone.



Thus this leads on to another point: Showing off.

It can be a good thing, because you get to impress people with your skills and abilities. You gain recognition and self esteem as you escalate on the road to success.

However, it can also be a bad thing. Like I said, upon gaining recognition, you, in fact all of us, would begin being ignorant and boastful, adding words into your own mouths. Thus, when you "kay kiang" too much, people begin to lose faith in you. And start believing that you are good for nothing, an empty vessel who boasts alot.


But this brings you back to square one. If you show off, you'll be an ass. But then again, if you don't show off, who'd notice your capabilities?




This week has left me in a rather dampen mood because of assumptions that people had of me. A close one, in fact, a kin of mine, went around rattling to others that I was a failure because I quit my job.

He assumed that the reason why I quit was because I could not handle the stress, which was indeed false. I loved the job, and the animals, but it was too mundane for me, and that was why I quit. It wasn't because I was stressed, in fact, I do love working in stressful environments as it challenges me to unleash my potential.


And he, without asking me for the reason why I quit, began lecturing my mom about how much she pampered me and that I was easily affected by stress.


It hurts sometimes to know of a kin who doesn't really spend time knowing me better, in the things I like and soar in, and the things I don't. It hurts even more when he goes around jumping at conclusions, exaggerating about stuff, and even accuse us (my borthers and I) of things.


But it hurts the most when he terms us harshly as good-for-nothings, rot-to-death and even claimed that he is worried for our future, given the fact that we "can't" cope with what the REAL world has in store for us.


I just wish sometimes, for a simple gesture of encouragement from him. But wishing for that seems to much, coming from him.




Loves.