Goodbye 2008. Hello 2009

Goodbye 2008. Thank God you're finally gone. You've been the suckiest year ever.

I must say that 2008 did allow me to have some fun like

• Having a closer bond with my class; Achievers of 2008.

• Having great friends

There are of course many others whose photos isn't here. But you must understand, I'm not a photo kind of person, and I do regret it alot. But you're loved just as much as them (above). People like my volleyball teammates, coach, Ms Janay Lim, Ms Lynn Choo, Mr Soh, Mr Ben, Mdm Su, Ms Serene, Ms Lim Hui Qi, Ms Toh, Mdm Yap, Mr Fan, Mr Ni, Mdm Timah, Mr Kheng, Mdm Dzarina, Syuhada, Raudah, mak nenek Jeanice, Jia Min and so on . Like I said, there are many others who aren't named here. If I did name all of you, this post would never end.

• Like being able to attend and win events like a "Youth Blogger Finalist" and being able to catch movies with the Big Time Bloggers of Singapore.
  

I am really appreciative for all these things. But time and again, I can't help but feel that "Someone up there" is testing me. Sometimes I feel so fed up that tears just flow in frustration. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to sound all emo, nor do I want anyone's sympathy. This isn't a post of a attention seeking girl who uses stress to claim attention. Heck no.


Well, I haven't been very happy ever since I lost my companion of 11 years. Yup, my dog. Well, it hit me real darn hard. Having to cradle her while she slowly fade in and out of consciousness, with a bloody nose, on Christmas Eve last year. Then to only see her slowly fade away at home this year. I thought she would last longer. But I was wrong.


Losing my dog wasn't the only f*cked up thing that happen. There were many incidents where I almost lost my Life due to many reckless drivers. Impatient ones as well.


Then I almost did not make it on my studies, I only passed two subjects in my Prelims. Really disappointing, but it was mainly because of my health, which leads to another point.


I found out that I was suffering from stress due to problems at home. I also found out that I have high blood pressure, and would often have headaches, unless I can reduce my stress. And to make things worst, I am allergic to Panadol.


Well, I must say, that depression did hit me hard this year. With the constant misunderstandings in school, with teachers and friends. Then there are those at home. Sometimes it feels really sickening to be placed in situations where there is no where to turn to.


I wouldn't mind listening to my friend's problems and of course, to help them solve it. But time and again, I wondered "why am I helping them when I can't even solve mine?".


Maybe it sounds selfish. But I have turned down anyone who needs someone to talk to. I always try my best to make them smile again. But sometimes it hurts to much, to do something for someone and not feel appreciated. Am I caring for the wrong people? Or am I doing it all wrong? I have no idea. But what I do know is that It sucks.


Oh well, at least I still have my family, and a roof under my head.



Well, I don't really do New Year Resolutions nor Birthday wishes. But this year's a new year, so what the heck.


For my new year resolution:

1. I want my family to not worry about money matters.
2. I want everyone to be in the pink of health.
3. I want to make it to the course of my choice :Child Psychology
4. I want to be happier
5. I want to be able to play volleyball with my team again.

Well the new year has finally arrived. And all I want to say is:


To my family and my true friends, those who have been by my side when I needed you most, Thank you so much and I do love you!

To those whom I have insulted or did things to hurt you, I am truly sorry. Please do forgive me.




Well, 2009 bring it on!









Happy New Year everyone!








Loves.

Capabilities

Capabilities

(From Dictionary.com)

1.	the quality of being capable; capacity; ability: His capability was unquestionable.

2.	the ability to undergo or be affected by a given treatment or action: the capability of glass in resisting heat.

3.	Usually, capabilities. qualities, abilities, features, etc., that can be used or developed; potential: Though dilapidated, the house has great capabilities.

4. A talent or ability that has potential for development or use. Often used in the plural: a
student of great capabilities.
5. The capacity to be used, treated, or developed for a specific purpose: nuclear capability.







Capabilities, to me, are hidden talents that people rarely notice, until you show it off. Superman for instance, was a nobody. Until he helped save his town.




Capabilities does not necessarily mean of Heroes saving the day, or Superman's super powers, or even Spiderman's climbing ability. It can actually mean of skills like:

• Being a great leader

• Dealing with stress

• Working in fast paced environment

• Grabbing people's attention

• And even bottling up your emotions so as not to be easily emotional and affected.

Yes, these are great capabilities. But sometimes we are so driven and engrossed in showing people of our capabilities that we fail to notice that we are heading into the trap of "kay kiang", where we perform task that are way beyond our abilities and thus, mocking ourselves infront of everyone.



Thus this leads on to another point: Showing off.

It can be a good thing, because you get to impress people with your skills and abilities. You gain recognition and self esteem as you escalate on the road to success.

However, it can also be a bad thing. Like I said, upon gaining recognition, you, in fact all of us, would begin being ignorant and boastful, adding words into your own mouths. Thus, when you "kay kiang" too much, people begin to lose faith in you. And start believing that you are good for nothing, an empty vessel who boasts alot.


But this brings you back to square one. If you show off, you'll be an ass. But then again, if you don't show off, who'd notice your capabilities?




This week has left me in a rather dampen mood because of assumptions that people had of me. A close one, in fact, a kin of mine, went around rattling to others that I was a failure because I quit my job.

He assumed that the reason why I quit was because I could not handle the stress, which was indeed false. I loved the job, and the animals, but it was too mundane for me, and that was why I quit. It wasn't because I was stressed, in fact, I do love working in stressful environments as it challenges me to unleash my potential.


And he, without asking me for the reason why I quit, began lecturing my mom about how much she pampered me and that I was easily affected by stress.


It hurts sometimes to know of a kin who doesn't really spend time knowing me better, in the things I like and soar in, and the things I don't. It hurts even more when he goes around jumping at conclusions, exaggerating about stuff, and even accuse us (my borthers and I) of things.


But it hurts the most when he terms us harshly as good-for-nothings, rot-to-death and even claimed that he is worried for our future, given the fact that we "can't" cope with what the REAL world has in store for us.


I just wish sometimes, for a simple gesture of encouragement from him. But wishing for that seems to much, coming from him.




Loves.