Goodbye 2008. Thank God you're finally gone. You've been the suckiest year ever.
I must say that 2008 did allow me to have some fun like
- Having a closer bond with my class; Achievers of 2008.
There are of course many others whose photos isn't here. But you must understand, I'm not a photo kind of person, and I do regret it alot. But you're loved just as much as them (above). People like my volleyball teammates, coach, Ms Janay Lim, Ms Lynn Choo, Mr Soh, Mr Ben, Mdm Su, Ms Serene, Ms Lim Hui Qi, Ms Toh, Mdm Yap, Mr Fan, Mr Ni, Mdm Timah, Mr Kheng, Mdm Dzarina, Syuhada, Raudah, mak nenek Jeanice, Jia Min and so on . Like I said, there are many others who aren't named here. If I did name all of you, this post would never end.
- Like being able to attend and win events like a "Youth Blogger Finalist" and being able to catch movies with the Big Time Bloggers of Singapore.
I am really appreciative for all these things. But time and again, I can't help but feel that "Someone up there" is testing me. Sometimes I feel so fed up that tears just flow in frustration. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to sound all emo, nor do I want anyone's sympathy. This isn't a post of a attention seeking girl who uses stress to claim attention. Heck no.
Well, I haven't been very happy ever since I lost my companion of 11 years. Yup, my dog. Well, it hit me real darn hard. Having to cradle her while she slowly fade in and out of consciousness, with a bloody nose, on Christmas Eve last year. Then to only see her slowly fade away at home this year. I thought she would last longer. But I was wrong.
Losing my dog wasn't the only f*cked up thing that happen. There were many incidents where I almost lost my Life due to many reckless drivers. Impatient ones as well.
Then I almost did not make it on my studies, I only passed two subjects in my Prelims. Really disappointing, but it was mainly because of my health, which leads to another point.
I found out that I was suffering from stress due to problems at home. I also found out that I have high blood pressure, and would often have headaches, unless I can reduce my stress. And to make things worst, I am allergic to Panadol.
Well, I must say, that depression did hit me hard this year. With the constant misunderstandings in school, with teachers and friends. Then there are those at home. Sometimes it feels really sickening to be placed in situations where there is no where to turn to.
I wouldn't mind listening to my friend's problems and of course, to help them solve it. But time and again, I wondered "why am I helping them when I can't even solve mine?".
Maybe it sounds selfish. But I have turned down anyone who needs someone to talk to. I always try my best to make them smile again. But sometimes it hurts to much, to do something for someone and not feel appreciated. Am I caring for the wrong people? Or am I doing it all wrong? I have no idea. But what I do know is that It sucks.
Oh well, at least I still have my family, and a roof under my head.
Well, I don't really do New Year Resolutions nor Birthday wishes. But this year's a new year, so what the heck.
For my new year resolution:
- I want my family to not worry about money matters.
- I want everyone to be in the pink of health.
- I want to make it to the course of my choice :Child Psychology
- I want to be happier
- I want to be able to play volleyball with my team again.
Well the new year has finally arrived. And all I want to say is:
To my family and my true friends, those who have been by my side when I needed you most, Thank you so much and I do love you!
To those whom I have insulted or did things to hurt you, I am truly sorry. Please do forgive me.
Well, 2009 bring it on!
Happy New Year everyone!
Loves.
Before I begin, I would like to wish Syafiq a very happy birthday. Well, it is more like a belated one, since it falls on the 25th December. Well, dude, I just wish you stop emo-ing that much eh? haha. All the best, and once again Happy Birthday!
There is one more birthday. And for those of you who visited the zoo on the 26th December, you would know. Well, it is actually Inuka's birthday. And just in case you're wondering, Inuka is one of the stars in the Zoo. And the only way to find his kind is in the North Pole. No, he isn't a penguin nor is he Santa Claus. He is a Polar Bear! And lucky as he is, his birthday is actually on Boxing Day.
Moving On...
2008. The year with an 8. The Chinese strongly believed that it would bring prosperity, since it was associated with "fa" in mandarin. This year was also the Rat Year in the Chinese Calendar, and was said to bring good luck to those who were born in the year of the Rat.
My mum is born in the year of the Rat. But oddly, 2008 has been a horrible year for my family and I. My mum has been through so much, and it hurt to see her struggling to make ends meet, just for my family. There were many times where she was at her wits end, but instead of breaking down, she stayed strong and found alternatives, for us.
Thankfully, we still have a roof under our heads. The rest can be worked out.
I don't know if it's just me, but I think that this year has been a real pain in the ass. With the rise in oil prices, ERP, inflation, constant struggle with jobs, and now the economic meltdown. What's next?
I guess because of all the factors above, everyone just isn't in the mood to celebrate at my place. Even during Christmas, it was odd. We had the annual festive dinner and so on, but something was just missing.
Maybe there wasn't the happiness, and joy of the Christmas Spirit anymore. Every spoonful of delightful, sinful food, made you regret after it entered your mouth, because you'll start pondering "If I eat all these, what am I going to eat the next day, and the day after?".
Life was miserable, and the bond in the family has gotten worst. Desperate as ever, we tried finding out the truth as to why we were that bad of a situation. And many a times, people told us that it was because some of us in the family (well, it was actually me) who lost faith in God.
Well, before you start accusing me of being Satanic, or anti-God, hear me out. Well, my family members are strong believers in God. All of them, except my second brother and I, worship different Gods. My dad's into Hindu, my mum's into Christianity. In fact, she pays respect to all the Gods she meet. And lastly, my brother is into Thai.
Well, I used to follow with the prayers and stuff, mainly because I was curious, and also because it looked cool with all the piercings at the Thaipusam, and other worship methods that were used in the other religions.
I am a free-thinker, but I got to see many things that the normal people couldn't. And instead of using it to help people, I simply neglected it. In fact I told my family that I didn't want this gift.
Maybe it was a decision made too soon, but it was finalized and I lost that gift. But I still continued following my family members to the different worship places each of them went. And surprising enough, despite being a Free-thinker, my prayers were always answered.
Well, back then I did not think much of it. But my dad did. And he forced me to follow him on prayer trips and asked me to pray for him. That was when I started pulling away from the whole prayers, and worships. I hated being forced to do things that I didn't want to do. It may have been a good thing to pray and stuff, but knowing myself best, and what I could do, I pulled away entirely, and stopped believing that it was fate that controlled my Life.
I'm not an Atheist. Because I do believe in the Supernatural, be it Good, or Bad. But I don't believe that God, or Devil is responsible for every move we make. Some people have the tendency to put the blame on others, or supernatural stuff like Black Magic.
But isn't it funny, that if you did not know that it was Black Magic, you wouldn't put the blame on it at all? The reason why I am so upset is because some people, simply say that they kena black magic or someone placed a spell on them. I simply find it as an excuse for their failure. Like I said, if you didn't know that Black Magic was involved, you wouldn't say it was Black Magic, would you?
Well, times are bad, especially for this year. Health, Money, Stress, Family, and every single problem there is. But I'm looking forward to 2009, just to see what it has in store for us, for me.
I say this phrase somewhere. I can't remember the actual words, or who wrote it. So if you do, please do inform me. But the phrase sounds like this:
Life is like a bow and arrow. To release the arrow, you have to pull it back, in order for it to fly forward. That is why, if you face any problems that has pulled you down, keep in mind that it is just getting ready to release you towards the successes ahead of you.
So don't give up, my friends. And I will see you next year.
Loves.
