Christmas is the time where everyone experiences the joy of giving. No? Well, to me, it is kind of nerve-wrecking every Christmas as I have to crack my brains to figure out what to buy for 17 family members, including my parents and my brothers.
And I would admit, that I am not rich, and I'm not trying to be one. Thus it is very difficult for me to grant every single one of their wishes. But I do make a effort to try to be as close as possible, to buy the things they really like.
And then there are my friends. This year, I bought 20 over gifts for my friends only. And having blown my budget for my family, I of course, had to resort to cheaper means for my friends. I bought the gifts and wrapped them up and my friends had to choose them randomly. I wouldn't say the gifts are that cheap like $2 or $3 a piece.
And I thought money didn't count when it came to Christmas. Since young, I've always made my own Christmas gifts, be it making head bands for the guys and girls who played sports, hats, bags or anything useful. I loved craft work, and I felt that gifts should be items that could be made use of, instead of simply being hung in your room whatsoever. Call me old-fashion but I'd definitely love a gift sewn by my own friend, than a same gift that was bought from a shop. It held more meaning to the gift. That was what I thought.
But this year, for a change, I bought gifts. And it hurts me so much to know that I have friends who responded with a "eee, so cheap ah" kind of reaction.
I would admit that if I were just buying for 2 friends instead of 20 over, I would definitely buy them the items they wanted. But now, you have to understand, I had to buy for 20 over friends, not forgetting my 17 family members. And of course my priority in gifts were towards my family.
Just like my mum, I love giving gifts to people. And the gifts could vary from simple craft work like baking or making pillows, to tougher ones like crocheting a hat. But I realized that when it came to MY friends, things are actually different. I wouldn't say all of you, but some of you do judge by money, clothes and gifts. You want friends to grant your wishes by buying you the stuff you want.
But in order for me to do that, have you been doing it to me? I'm not saying buying gifts are a necessity. But there are so many times where I scurry about making a necessity to meet up and exchange gitfs. I wish you happy birthday, and even buy you presents.
But when it came to my turn. How many of you actually remembered my birthday? How many of you actually wished me? And how many of you bought me presents? I can still remember clearly those who actually stayed up till midnight to wish me, and those who simply feigned ignorance, as though they were totally oblivious to my birthday. Well, maybe some of you may have forgotten, but it wouldn't hurt to wish me when you saw how others did, wouldn't it?
I have never asked people to grant me my wishes. I don't go around saying that I want a fish tank, guitar or a better situation at home. No, I don't do that. And yet, I was stupid enough to go around, trying my nest to grant everyone's wishes.
Over the years, I didn't really bother about not recieving gifts back, and till today, I try my best to give gifts to every friend I had, be it on Valentine's Day, their birthdays or Christmas. And this year, I finally had enough. My brothers called me stupid for being so naive and cherishing these friends.
And I did do some thinking. And I wonder, if I were to be in trouble and need someone, I wonder how many of you would actually turn up. Don't come telling me all that bullshit that you cherish me and will help me just like how I helped you, because I know, that when I really need help, only a handful would turn up.
I'm really disappointed in the type of friends I have. Not all, just some of them are really worth cherishing. But we'll never know how long it'll last, right?
Well, fuck it. This would probably be the last time I'm doing anything nice for people. From now on, I'm going to be selective. Screw you all. I'm not going to waste my time on asses who judge based on how much money I have. I'm not rich, but I'm still living, and am happy with it.
This year has been a fucked up year. Hopefully, just hopefully, things would be better next year.
P.S: If you don't want a gift from me, just say so. And if you don't like my gift, give it back. Don't go around telling people how cheap it is or what fuck, at least you got a gift, ass. That's my hard-earned money. At least I'm good enough to not take my parents money and spend them like drinking water.
Jerks.
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