The reason why I hate the world

Because I am a minor.

If you are a person who has skin of another colour; if you are a lady, if you are gay, bisexual, a lesbian, a transgender; if you are someone who has a size, then you are considered a minor as well. Being in a world where gossip, fashion and skinny people (who claim that they are fat) are everywhere, it is difficult to sustain our diminishing confidence because of their perfection. Therefore it makes us uncomfortable and deep down, we are unsettled. This is because of the need to find the answer as to why we not able to be up to standard with them. However, as one slowly begins one’s journey to unravel the clues to the answer, one’s wall of confidence slowly fades away as one suddenly feels the humiliation of being incompetent, or rather, imperfect. And in time to come, lose one’s self-esteem and all forms of self belief because of one’s very own imperfect conditions.

But is it all worth it?

Sometimes when I catch myself comparing my imperfections with other people’s perfection, I remind myself that I need to love and support myself more because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty to me is not measured by how much your body jiggles, nor is it measured based on the type of clothes you put on. No, beauty is not measured with a label. Yeah, I shop at Giant, Carrefour, and even Daiso, and I am proud to say that I don’t spend unnecessarily on things that cost more than a MacDonald meal. Why should I waste on buying things that other people already have, when I can actually improvise and create my own and still feel comfortable and good in them? After all, beauty is not about the latest fashion, but the authenticity in you which would make you feel good.

There are tones of products, magazines and advertisements that would make you feel that you’re ugly, old and pathetic. And if you are not proud of being who you are, you will give in and waste your hard earned money on products that barely make a different to how you look. But truth to be told, cosmetics are supposed to enhance your beauty, so don’t hide it under layers and layers of unnecessary foundation. It not only makes you look like a wax doll, but it makes you fake.

But at the end of the day, it is not about beauty anymore. It is about your confidence. Without confidence, you are not able to live on in life because of your fear and hesitation. You would hesitate about every single thing that you should do. You would hesitate fighting against discrimination on your looks, gender, size, race and even rights. You would be afraid to ask for a pay raise. You would also hesitate on falling in love, and even hesitate on dreaming, or having a goal. Why? Because you feel that ‘imperfect’ people like you deserve this hellish world. But for how long can you go on like this?

Some say you can never be beautiful if you’re fat, ugly, or poor. I say being beautiful is about how much you love yourself, trust your own judgment, and believe in yourself. You are not worthless. In fact, you are beautiful and you should be proud of that.

Happy Women's Day

Think before you speak

Not too long ago, a lecturer of mine handed an article to each of my classmates and I. The article was about making judgments and assumptions. As most of you would know, assumptions are beliefs or ideas that we feel hold some truth behind it, but it is usually supported by little or no evidence at all. Making assumptions of jumping to conclusions was not my cup of tea, and I suppose, anyone else, and so, I was growing more and more annoyed with the article which constantly brought up the topic of us being so oblivious to the fact that we were making assumptions of almost everyone and everything around us.

I wondered: Are we REALLY that oblivious?

As I continued reading, I came across the picture that was placed in the middle of the article. it was a picture of a family, but it was an odd picture. There was a kid who was sitting in a corner of the room, a lady draped in cloth, and a man looking at the lady. Immediately, thoughts started racing through my mind.

Was the child abandoned? Why was he looking so sad? Something bad must've happened.
Why was the lady draped in cloth? Is she a model? Or was she trying to be seductive?
What about the man? Why was he staring at the lady?

At the very moment, I snapped back to reality and to tell you the truth, I wanted to bitch slap myself hard. Just a few moments ago, I was being in denial, telling myself that only ignorant people were the ones who made judgments and assumptions without actually verifying the information. And here I was, making up my own tale of who did what and so on.

I was such a fool

It was then that I realized that what the article said was true, that we were so used to making assumptions and passing judgments, that we sometimes fail to notice that we are actually doing it.

Just take this for example:

You're walking around in a park, when you spot a gorgeous lady (whether you're a guy or a girl) and you immediately assume that a) she's taken b) She's rich and is high maintenance or c) She's too stuck-up. So you continue walking, ignoring her.

Then up ahead, you notice a group of guys charging towards you. You look around, panic, and then realize that they weren't after you, nor were they trying to run you over. They actually separated or diverted directions to avoid bumping into you.

And what about that old man with the young hot babe? Either she's after his cash or he's a perv. Am I right?


Even when you're driving, you assume that the other drivers on the road would follow the traffic and speed limit, and even direction so as to avoid collisions. But in this case, your assumptions are right most of the time. But when it's wrong, it can become deathly.

In conclusion? Stop making freakin' assumptions of everyone and everything, or else...

It'll make an ass out of you and me, because ASSUME is after all ASS+U+ME.

Till then.


Loves.

Random Updates

Wow, it's been such a long time since I last updated on this site. While for most of the time the excuse to not blog would be that I was busy, this time I actually am without a reason.

Courtesy of Fuckyeahhappy

Anyway, Chinese New Year was lovely (how I wished it would never end), with a total of 6 gatherings, 5 sessions of 'Loh Hei' (is that how you spell it?), 6 sessions of card games, 6 sessions of laughter and a whole bunch of food. And to think that my mum's side of the family would mean that it would be a small celebration. I hope yours was just as well, if not better.



Well, there's nothing much to say actually, just that I've been gaining loads of weight from indulging non-stop, and that there's a couple of posts saved in the draft, that I've yet to complete. So people, I'm alive and well, if not eating, sleeping and rotting myself to death (as my dad puts it). Hah!


Till then!

4.25 AM in a chatroom

Have you ever, on a sleepless night, checked out a chatroom? Well, today so happens to be my day and I managed to find a horny pervert on the net! So the introduction was simple; I was 17, female, and from London. He was 17 too, male, from USA.

Just check out the conversation that I had with him below.

I hope I did not scare him too much. Or maybe I did traumatize him a little. Oh well...

Looking back

It may be a little late to wish everyone a happy new year since we are already 17 days into it, but I guess it wouldn't hurt, would it?

So here's wishing you guys A Happy New Year.

Well, I'm not really good with the well wishes because I don't really believe in them, so let us just skip that part.


Anyways, 2009 has been an awesome year for me, though I did struggle a little in school. In fact, it was actually one of the better years that I had in a long time.

Well, let's do a little track back, shall we? You see, 2005 was the year I struggled in secondary school, with having gotten suspension on the very first day itself. 2006 was the year where I was constantly 'fighting' with my teacher. Then came 2007, where I found out that the teacher who was teaching me for the past two years, was going to be my teacher again. Great.. It was also the year that my dearest pet, Shandy passed away. Moving on from that, 2008 soon came and it was the year I struggled with my studies. I was in the 'defiant - I don't need to study' mood and happened to only passed 2 subjects for Preliminary, but miraculously sailed through my 'O's, with tonnes of wake up calls and hard work of course. 2008 was soon over, and finally 2009 came.

I actually had high hopes for a new beginning in 2009 as I thought that going to the polytechnic would mean that I would be better exposed to more people, and I assumed that they would be more open-minded and easier to blend with. However, assumptions always make an ass out of us. I'm not saying that everyone I meet is difficult to hang with, but it actually took a really long time before people stopped assuming that I was someone scary, fierce or whatevs...

And it is actually because of this that I managed to find my identity and found ways to help me to stay true to myself. One of the major help was during the tat2 convention 2009. Well, it may seem like a very odd place to find my identity, but I did, and with the help of the people who attended the convention.


During the three short days that I was there, I managed to strike conversations with pastors, teachers, police officers, and even principals who were all covered in ink and piercings. What I found interesting was not the fact that they had tattoos and piercings, and were holding high statuses, but the fact that they managed to compromise and find a solution to keep their interest and their career going, without having any interference between the two.

Most of them were not from Singapore, but I managed to talk to one of the principals there and I asked about her tattoos and what she do if her students found out about her tattoo, and if it were not contradicting to have a tattoo, yet be in a career that should not support this type of art.

Her answer was simple but it made a lot of sense to me. She said: Why not? Tattoos and piercings are considered to me. I'm a principal and I do wear short sleeves, so I don't have tattoos inked on my arms. But I do have them on my back, my legs and anywhere that can be covered. It is difficult to have tattoos and be in this career because people still assume that tattoos and piercings would mean that you are in a gang. But no one should give up their interest or passion just for the sake of what others think. In fact, we should educate them and try to win them over, to convince them that tattoos and piercings are no harm. But at the same time, as a principal, I try to encourage my students to not go against their parents wishes or get a tattoo randomly because it stays for life. But at the same time, why not expose the kids to a newer generation of art? It's no harm done.


Those were the words that I remember vividly from the conversation. And from this, I realized that I did not have to give up on my interest of the extremes just because I'm in this field. All I have to do, is to be smart positioning and modifying myself, and in using my words to convince, but if all else fails, I still have to be me and do whatever I want to because no one should stop me from doing it. Because after all, I'm living my life, not them.


So yeah, 2009 was an identity crisis for me, but I managed to find it back, and even managed to have a blast through 2010. Well, it's the start of it, and unfortunately, it is not going as smoothly as I thought it would be, with school and home especially...


But let's just hope that all these bad stuff would clear off as we move in to Chinese New Year. Good food, good company, oh did I say good food?

Till then,
Loves.