True Friends?

I don't know why, but some how i'm starting to feel guilty for whatever i've done. I've started reflecting on how stupid and immature i was to have the "who cares?" kind of mindset. I feel guilty for even kiling that green spider i saw in class that day. Over-sensitive? I don't think so. Syuhada says that it's like the changing of maturity level. And we're becoming more guilty-conscience.

I've been thinking alot and i sill feel uncomfortable in school, even though i'm secondary three now. Everything was fine last year, but it has changed tremendously this year. Especially Friends.


You see, being an all-rounder is not as easy as i thought it would be. People having their own cliques would just leave you out, or just stare at you for invading thier space. All this wasn't like that last year.

Even jia en has her clique.

And i'm the odd one out. I always thought :what was the point of having a clique when yo can just fit into any group of people? But i was so wrong.

Stupidity made me naive and blind to not see how people don't want you hanging with them, making them "uncool".

And how they rudely interrupt you even though you were talking and had something important to say.

And how they stare at you, making you feel so awkward that you feel like skipping school everyday. It's a relief to me whenever i hear the bell ring, releasing me from the torments of my class, and from school.

I had to spend time in toilets or walking around school aimlessly, hoping that the recess bell woud ring earlier. And how i could walk/run far away from this school. Because what i imagined my worst fear, was about to happen.

My class isn't any better.

Making friends is only when you have sweets with you. Other than that, they simply ignore you.Some times i wonder if they're laughing with me or at me. Because they wy they laugh or give the eye contact really makes it hurtful. It's sarcastic and makes you think twice, judging on what you did, that made them laugh that way.

This is no emo post. I'm over with emo-ing. Things are SO DIFFERENT now.

I was happy once, hoping that everyday it would be like that, but now i've realised that things are not what they are. And that i had been stupid for not realising it soon enough.


I've changed. i don't know for the better or worse. But i like the way i am right now. And i would never change just because you people hate it. I have never really gotten along with people well enough to call them my cliques. I just have friends. But like i said, things do change.

Think i'm exaggerating? Well let me quote an example:

Once i was in a cast. And the school was fucked up to even ask me to try to walk up to the fourth floor, where my class was. Obvioulsy, i couldn't mae it. and they sarcasticly told me that i was affecting 80 people. My class was moved down to the first floor, but the clerks were still pissed off at me for causing "so much trouble".

when i entered class, i was somehow touched to see them welcoming me back, claping and cheering. But my happiness was soon dashed off by a spear when i realised that not even one of them took my books down for me. I was so angry that i wanted to scream my head off. How could you possibly think that i could simply walk up to the fourth floor and happily take my books down!?!

I told some of the guys of for not even taking my books for that day. It was okay, if they even took A BOOK. But to my disappointment, there was no book under my desk. And everyone just acted dumb, thinking that they didn't know that no one took my books for me.

And using my book is fine, but having my book confiscated is WRONG! For now, i can't get back that book, because the teacher wants to "investigate".

I am pissed off at the fact that people call me a friend but only care for their own butts. What's the point of making friends when all you care is yourselves?

And you guys want to say that our class is united? I think not.



I can't be bothered to take part in any class activity. This is not being selfish. this is where i state my point that i hate this class, this school and would never compliment about ANYTHING.

For those who are pissed off at the fact that i have written horrible things about your beloved school/class, I DONT CARE! You may love it, but different people have theor views and obviously, mine is a negative one. Bobahs.