5 mean things you've done?

In home or in school?

Well, I've never done anything mean at home. I love them too much to hurt them. But I do pull pranks of them. The meanest one would be to make my brother play the maze game with the volume full blast.

On the other hand, I've got way too much history for the things I've done in school (pri and sec), some of my friends should know about it. Anyways, the 5 meanest things would be:

1. Put glitter on the projector (tagged team work with someone(: Hahah).
2. Pour glue on the teacher's table (the teacher actually thought it was drool!).
3. Put double sided tape on the teacher's chair (again, tagged team work (: Heh)
4. Vandalize an entire toilet about someone (again tagged team)
5. I can't decide between spamming someone and then pretend I'm not that person, throwing a sweet at someone's face and bursting out in laughter (though it was unintentional), and tripping my teacher by tying my classmate's table and mine with correction tape (tagged team again!).

I'm actually a very nice person you know.

Pick my brains...

People who follow you on your tumblr and blog would know that you like the Kaulitz brothers and Johnny Depp. But who's your real life crush?

Woah, I didn't know my posts about them were that obvious, since not many of my friends know about it. And my real life crush? No one actually, unless you consider Gambit and Wolverine as real.

Pick my brains...

Random updates

Hi guys. I know that I used to blog almost everyday, but it seems like my brain is kind of dry ever since I started school. Hence the lack of updates, whines, or 'research'. However, I still do visit this site every now and then to check back on the tagboard and also to try to come up with stuff to put up on this site. Unfortunately, this site does not really a hold a spot in my hear anymore (hahah, like a break-up letter man..).

TUMBLR WON ME OVER!

But I still do blog occasionally. So keep up with the tags and stuff yeah?

Anyways, if you're wondering what I've been up to this holidays, you're going to be disappointed. No, I mean it.

I haven't really been up to anything, other than eat, sleep, tumblr, more tumblr, even more tumblr. But I've been reading alot too, especially on Creepypasta, at the library or bookshops, some e-books that I downloaded, and stuff I just randomly stumble upon. Apart from that, nothing much has been going on in my life. Other than the fact that I'm slowing losing the capability of remembering or recognizing some of the people I know (whaaaat... saying that I forgot seems.. harsh).


Anyways, if you happen to read this and want to follow me on my tumblr, Click Here!
If you want me to follow you, just give me a shout out okay!

Till then, or never ever.

So it started with a passion, then it turned into hatred

Writing has been a part of me ever since I could hold a pencil. I just love to write, whether it is in a form of pen on paper or in a computer program. Writing to me, is like a form of healing. It allows me to escape from reality, leaving all the tension, hurt and pain behind, but sometimes, it is because of all these feelings deep inside of me that I am able to write better.

My dad has friends who are professional writers, and when I asked them what one had to have in order to be just like them, many of them said that one had to have a bag of emotions or research, and a capful of imagination. Well, I have emotions, everyone has them, and research was easy since we had internet. So my only problem was imagination. I never pictured myself as someone who could put my own imagination to good use. Yeah, I could form cloud bunnies, doodle and make up names for the monsters under my bed, but I just could not create stories with twists, a sense of humour or at the very least, with a frog prince. I wanted stories that mattered. However, the more demoralized I got about being a writer, the more I began to realize that writing had many forms and the one that I enjoyed most was not about the stories that I could create, but of rewriting the stories that I had already lived in. By writing down the things that I have experienced, I not only get to relive my happy and satisfying moments, but to also reflect and improve on myself whenever I check back and re-read on them.

Sometimes people tell me that I do not write like an eighteen year old or that I am too young to exaggerate my hate on the world. Well, all I can say is that from how my mum lived her childhood, from the news on the television, from the things I see with my very own eyes, I cannot help but conclude that the world is a nasty place. It is difficult, painful, complicated and ugly. Why? Because we lose the people we love dearly and also get hurt by them. We get judged based on our race, clothes, gender and size. Status is determined by the amount of money and power one has. However, the nastiest part of the world is of how hungry humans have become. No, I am not talking about the hungry children in third world countries. I am actually talking about those who ravenously feed on the latest scandal and gossips.

Our world is losing all the beautiful things that we once had. We rattle non-stop about love affairs, rapes and abuse, yet we hesitate about forwarding that email about an act of decency. What is this world turning into? It sickens me to realize how the crude and vulgar are more widely accepted through the internet, gossip, and television, as compared to the act of decency, love and humanity. We are pathetic. So how can I not hate the world?

The reason why I hate the world

Because I am a minor.

If you are a person who has skin of another colour; if you are a lady, if you are gay, bisexual, a lesbian, a transgender; if you are someone who has a size, then you are considered a minor as well. Being in a world where gossip, fashion and skinny people (who claim that they are fat) are everywhere, it is difficult to sustain our diminishing confidence because of their perfection. Therefore it makes us uncomfortable and deep down, we are unsettled. This is because of the need to find the answer as to why we not able to be up to standard with them. However, as one slowly begins one’s journey to unravel the clues to the answer, one’s wall of confidence slowly fades away as one suddenly feels the humiliation of being incompetent, or rather, imperfect. And in time to come, lose one’s self-esteem and all forms of self belief because of one’s very own imperfect conditions.

But is it all worth it?

Sometimes when I catch myself comparing my imperfections with other people’s perfection, I remind myself that I need to love and support myself more because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty to me is not measured by how much your body jiggles, nor is it measured based on the type of clothes you put on. No, beauty is not measured with a label. Yeah, I shop at Giant, Carrefour, and even Daiso, and I am proud to say that I don’t spend unnecessarily on things that cost more than a MacDonald meal. Why should I waste on buying things that other people already have, when I can actually improvise and create my own and still feel comfortable and good in them? After all, beauty is not about the latest fashion, but the authenticity in you which would make you feel good.

There are tones of products, magazines and advertisements that would make you feel that you’re ugly, old and pathetic. And if you are not proud of being who you are, you will give in and waste your hard earned money on products that barely make a different to how you look. But truth to be told, cosmetics are supposed to enhance your beauty, so don’t hide it under layers and layers of unnecessary foundation. It not only makes you look like a wax doll, but it makes you fake.

But at the end of the day, it is not about beauty anymore. It is about your confidence. Without confidence, you are not able to live on in life because of your fear and hesitation. You would hesitate about every single thing that you should do. You would hesitate fighting against discrimination on your looks, gender, size, race and even rights. You would be afraid to ask for a pay raise. You would also hesitate on falling in love, and even hesitate on dreaming, or having a goal. Why? Because you feel that ‘imperfect’ people like you deserve this hellish world. But for how long can you go on like this?

Some say you can never be beautiful if you’re fat, ugly, or poor. I say being beautiful is about how much you love yourself, trust your own judgment, and believe in yourself. You are not worthless. In fact, you are beautiful and you should be proud of that.

Happy Women's Day