2012

Every year, on this very day, at around this time, I close my eyes. I close my eyes and I take a deep breath and as I do so, I open up my mind and heart as all the memories for the past year flash before me. Just like any other year, 2011 was a tortuous journey; a battled filled with ups and downs, joy and sadness, tears and laughter. There were countless of times when I wished that I could turn back, to take back the days that never happened, devastating tragedies and meaningless afternoons that I let pass, opportunities that I missed. But  most importantly, I wished that I could to turn back time to relive the glorious moments that can never occur again. 

It was in this year that I decided to live without regrets, living life day by day so that every second that I invested in something or someone, was made meaningful. This was also the year that I promised myself that I would find happiness, and even though I am still at a loss of what I want in my life, I found a better person in me. To many, it might seem like a small issue, but to me, it is one heck of a glorious victory for this year. Not only have I experienced a myriad of emotions and everything in between, but I also was given the opportunity to meet wonderful people who have changed and shaped my life positively, and they are the ones reading this right now.

I am grateful for all that I have, and I am pretty sure that I will be welcoming 2012 as a better person that I am today. I hope that 2011 was as life-changing for you, as it was for me. Let's make 2012 our year :)

Skepticism

Just had a four hour long chat with a really good friend of mine from the Philippines. I got to know him during my school’s Youth Expedition Trip in March, and till this day, we’ve been keeping in contact with each other via Facebook.

Words cannot describe how amazing this kid is. Throughout the entire YEP trip, he was the one who taught me so much about life, even though he is just thirteen. They say age is just another number, and I can’t help but to agree. This 13 year old has so much gusto in him, that it makes me ashamed of myself. See, this kid is openly gay and even though he always got bullied for being small-sized and into make-up, beauty pageants and ballet, he never once gave up on himself. He once told me “I am not like paper, I won’t crumple easily. And why should I try to be like others? I’ll just be another clone”. He is just 13, and yet his words of wisdom stayed with me. 

Even after I came back to Singapore, I always wondered how he was doing, and it was during this 4 hour conversation that he informed me of his successful progress as a danseur, and a pageant ‘king’. I can never be any prouder for him. But I always wondered…

How is a 13 so confident, and sure of himself and his future, while I a 19 year old, am still stuck in my own little bubble? I can’t help but wonder what it is like to be in his shoes, and where he got all the courage and optimism from. I wonder when it would be my turn to fully understand myself and where I am heading in life.

I sure could use some help right about now…