Pokerface

The past few days has been... Unsettling, disappointing, nerve-wrecking, gut-spewing, teeth-clenching, and all the other extreme emotions jumbled up together.

There isn't just one reason as to why I'm feeling this way. In fact, there is more than one reason. However, most, if not all of the reasons evolve around the people that I have been with lately.


I do not really know how to put this gently, but its upsetting to see how some people ignore other people's feelings just for the sake of accomplish. I know I'm no Mohandas Ghandi, but I think everyone deserves a second chance, especially when they're sincere about helping out.

I mean, one should not judge another person's capabilities just by the grades they're getting right? It's just not fair that way, because you never know what he/she is good at.

But what's upsetting was not the way they were judged, by the way the rest reacted when they volunteered to help out, to LIGHTEN OUR load.

The look on everyone's face left me speechless, and I for once, did not know what to say. And you know what's the worst part? It's that those who were judged were actually the first to notice the change in reaction. Do you know how hurt they were? Couldn't everyone at the very least try to put on a poker face?

I shan't go on about this, because if I do, I'd simply be creating a battlefield in my head.

Interviews

Interviews are my worst nightmare (other than having the lady from Ring crawl out of my TV, Chuckie to be under my bed, Freddy Krueger to live in my dreams, and Bloody Mary to live in my mirror and scary midget demonic clowns hopping /running around with minituare daggers all happening at the same time. Right Syuh?).





And I dread interviews so much. Why? It is actually not the fear of being rejected during the interview, but rather, not being prepared to give a speech about myself. I am fine with the fact that they ask questions that require me to state my point of view.

However, the killer question during the interview would have to be "Tell me about yourself". Trust me, if you were my interviewer, you'd pretty much want to smack me on the head. Because I always emphasize on the 'wrong' things.

Like in a recent interview that I went to, I was asked to tell them more about myself. And as always, I startd off with my interest. Soon enough, I landed myself in the "I appreciate Arts, but it wouldn't seem like the 'usual' Arts to some, because I enjoy tattoos and body piercings". And then, totally in my own zone, I'll relate incidents (sometimes even chuckling to myself) or events where I got to see beautiful art pieces (the tattoos and body piercings) up close and personal. And I even talked about wanting to head to Thailand to check out the Vegetarian festival because of the body piercings they do there.

The awkwardness would only come when I look up at them, to only see a horrified/bewildered face staring back at me.



And if that isn't bad enough, I have the habit of saying "Errhhh...", "Urm...." and even "And so on", so much that even I find it irritating.

Interviewer: So tell me something about yourself.

Me:I enjoy sports because I think that it is one of the few ways to unleash my potential without having to be judged based on my looks and speech. It also takes my mind of off things and so on.

If I were the interviewer, i'd simply shoot back with a "What the heck is so on?".

Thankfully, all the interviews that I have been to, have nice interviewers.
Why oh why must they have interviews for so many events? It's not as if we're attending some beauty pageant or anything like that. True, we'll be asked questions that require to be answered on the spot, but never something that suggests telling them more about myself.


But then again, it's funny as I relate the entire scenario back at home. I guess I'm so used to the fact that my family accepts Art and are really open-minded, that I relate my opinions just like how I do it at home. And it beats giving beauty pageant answers.





I think most of my classmates know about that part already, if they've been reading my answers on the various articles posted on MEL. And of course, my friends who may know too much about me and my point of view. Hahah!

And other than finding difficulty in giving almost perfect answers to the random questions, I still have no idea why people find it hard to accept those with piercings/tattoos/weird sense of dressing (Weird/unique, you decide).

No matter how much we try to not judge a book by its cover, we always end up doing it.

And sometimes, I hate myself for doing so because when placing myself in that person's shoes, I'd never want anyone to judge me/think of me/ treat me like how I do to some.

Ridiculous.

And now you know, as to why I hate going to interviews. And it's because of interviews that always make me miss fruitful experiences and adventures.

I do hope that I can conquer this fear, or at least find a better answer to the questions soon. Or else, I'm screwed for future careers.


Till then.



Loves.